The Trauma Ward
What:
The Trauma Ward
Where:
Prince Alfred Hospital
When:
24 hours
How much:
Depends on your health cover
If you're looking for something new this weekend, why not try the Trauma ward at the Alfred? Sure, it can be tough to get in (I got run over by a van and they still checked my ID), but once you get a bed it's the craziest place in Melbourne, hands down.
You'll feel like you stumbled onto the set of M*A*S*H, directed by David Lynch. For starters, there are the drinks. Rave juice pales in comparison to having a tap in each arm attached to a bag full of sweet liquid. The clientele is eclectic and the vibe is: anything goes. The girl next to me was jumping about on her bed like a monkey, literally shitting herself. One chick was under arrest and was under police watch the entire time, apart from when they went to get McDonalds for everyone!
The staff are friendly and attentive, dancing from one bed to the next, soothing the iced -out bogan, feeding the old man with the heart palpitation, getting me a bottle to pee in.
All the booths were taken on the first night, but I was happy propped next to the service counter. When I got tired, a kindly nurse placed a pillow case over my head to dull out the overhead light. On reflection, it may have doubled as a way to stop looking at my face. Five stars.
Ambience: Indoor
Difficulty: Exertion will pay off
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