North Cafeteria

By: Jeremy Wortsman
Date: 12th Sep 07
Venue: Café
Meal: All day

What:
North Cafeteria

Where:
717 Rathdowne St, Carlton North

When:
Mon-Fri 8am-4pm; Sat-Sun 8.30am-5pm

Contact:
9348 1276

As soon as rumours began to surface about the opening of North Carlton's newest cafe, North, we had to get our crack team of reviewers there quick smart and get the lowdown.

This proved itself to be quite difficult, as competing with the bustling parade of prams on Rathdowne Street can sometimes be dangerous business.

Team A were totally clotheslined by a tandem extreme strollering group, only to be followed by the all-male team B who came so close, only two blocks away... The satanic chorus of crying children proved too much however, and both members subjected themselves to a back alley vasectomy, using only fishing wire, a pair of bolt cutters, a bullet, and a shot of whisky.

We are happy to report that after the unexplained disappearance of team C (the interns), Team E have come back only mildly bruised, and with a glowing report. North Cafeteria gets two thumbs up.

They do things with sardines that will surprise and delight you. The coffee is fantastic, and there is a great picture of a bird on the cup that will make it hard to throw away. There's also this thing, this pastry thing that has some kind of unexpected red fruit in it, and it will make you grateful you were born.

Because, you know, someone has to do the breeding in this civilisation, you barren ingrates.