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By: Lionel Bitchie
Date: 8th Feb 06
Product: Food
Theft: Theft is likely
What:
Bittersweets
Where:
Online
How Much:
ABOUT $15
Instead of wasting money on expensive flowers for someone way too good for you, this Valentine’s Day ThreeThousand suggests you wallow in crushing heartbreak and stomach-churning anguish by purchasing a delicious box of “Bittersweets” from online retailer Despair.com.
These cruel-to-be-kind candies manage to condense a lifetime of heartache and rejection into just a few words. They come in two different varieties: “Dejected” and “Dysfunctional”, and are emblazoned with messages such as “TABLE FOR 1”, “U+ME=GRIEF”, “PEAKED AT 17”, “UP YER MEDS”, “NOT AGAIN”, and “SETTLE 4 LESS”. ThreeThousand was also impressed by truthfully named flavours that include: Banana Chalk, Grape Dust, and Nappy-Citric.
The perfect gift for perennial divorcees and spiritual spinsters. Plus there’s no need to worry about not being disappointed in time: international orders generally arrive within one week!