Friday 29th February

Welcome to this special edition of ThreeThousand that ties together our most recent objects of fascination. Over the past few weeks we have felt an undeniable tug away from the content that would usually make our pages. Festivals, good-looking kids in bright outfits, obscure galleries and interesting debut albums... We're not feeling it anymore. To be honest, fun just doesn't seem like that much fun at the moment and hence this issue: A more common-sense showcase of the normalcy that is shaping our lives today.

ThreeThousand - just a normal week

Cover photo by Ron Whitfield. If you would like to submit a cover photo email photo@threethousand.com.au.

Images from the foyer of our office on Monday, we think. Meh, who can tell what day it is?

What:
Men's twin zip loafers

Where:
Big W

When:
QV store, Mon-Wed 8.30am-8pm, Thurs-Fri 8.30am-9pm, Sat 8.30am-7pm, Sun 10am-7pm

How much:
$14.86

Campers with elastic laces, Vans slip ons, New Balance velco tabs, sling-back Crocs: all gimmicks! If you knew about comfort like Big W knows about savings, then you would drop your last lobster on a pair of men's twin zip loafers. And you'd be jangling hot chocolate change in the pocket of your slacks on the way out.

Combining a convincing faux-leather exterior with adjustable zip fasteners for comfort, these flexible loafers can take you from work to beanbag without need of any specialty podiatrist bandaids. Plus, know this: Colin Carpenter was right about cardigans and spew pattern t-shirts. Are you really going to question him on the shoes?

By Penny Modra

What:
The 7.30 Report

When:
7.30 (not surprisingly)

Where:
ABC

How much:
Free as in free-to-air

Well-named programs with a no-nonsense attitude are sweeping the ratings and seem set to dominate the future of free-to-air television. As its title so neatly infers, The 7.30 Report reports on current affairs at 7.30 PM each weekday. Compare this to The Cashmere Mafia, which is not about the mob, or Dancing with the Stars which has no stars, and you can see why viewers are becoming increasingly dissatisfied with whimsical TV.

ABC viewers who do not fall asleep while Paul Higgins presents the weather report at 7.25 PM are richly rewarded: The back-to-back outro music from the ABC News and intro music for The 7.30 Report are the melodic meat in a tasty current affairs sandwich. Strong horns and dramatic timpani declare the imminent arrival of gripping reportage. Upon which Kerry O'Brien appears and delivers just that with a stern but accessible demeanour... evoking memories of a good headmaster.

By Barrie Barton

What:
Yellow in the Car

Where:
Your glovebox, the dashboard or that little pocket in the door where you stuff parking fines.

When:
Out now

How much:
Free!

So, remember the Yellow Pages? You were worried, weren't you, that the iTouch, the Blackberrry, the sexy-voiced GPS would outmode this bastion of print convenience. However, the people who took the Bible's thin-paper technology and applied it to phone numbers aren't lying down and letting the internet walk all over them. No way. They have released a portable version. Take THAT with a shot of rum wireless broadband! This perky pint-sized edition has, like its beefy brothers A-K and L-Z, gone all P Diddy and shortened its name toYellow.

Yellow in the Car has everything a person on the run could want. Twenty-four hour florists for those days you remember you said you'd be home at 6.30pm but accidentally got loaded and ate at Lord of the Fries. Most importantly, it has driving safety tips. Because browsing through the Yellow (yo even the small version) while driving can be distracting.

By Penny Modra

What:
Antiques Centre Online, your one-stop, online destination for quality antiques

Where:
Here

When:
Any time you like! Madness!

How much:
Prices start from around $1500 for a colourful Italian pottery wall plaque

If you're finding that there's just not enough time in the day for all your antique shopping, chillax, because now you can find high-quality ceramics, pottery and crockery online at the Antiques Centre.

Oh, there are gems to be found. From a Royal Doulton coffee set, complete with six demitasse and saucers, to a John Skeaping Wedgewood kangaroo sculpture. For only $4500, you can own one of these rare ceramic figures, which the site describes as "extremely rare... and a great find because of the Normal Wilson rust glaze".

By Sophie Gaston

What:
David Jones nuts bar

Where:
David Jones Foodhall, Basement, 310 Bourke St

When:
Mon-Wed 9.30am-6pm, Thurs 9.30am-7pm, Fri 9.30am-9pm, Sat 9am-7pm, Sun 10am-6pm

Contact:
9643 2222 and ask for nuts

Is it ironic that those who care about superfunds will not live as long as those who care about superfoods? Sure, superfoods are a little pricey, but why be wealthy and live a short life devoid of life-giving phytochemicals?

Anyway, whatever, because you can bypass this health-wealth dichotomy by shopping at the David Jones nut bar. It's pretty cheap and there are polyphenol antioxidants in abundance. Resveratrol, phytic acid, phytosterols, protease inhibitors - what have you.

And the nuts at David Jones have come a long way since the ‘70s. Sure, they have the old salted pistachios, the party mix, the dried fruits, the scroggin. But they've also got wasabi peas (cultural), garnish-sized serves of pine nuts (for man-bag salads) and soy baked snack biscuits (for your fat vegan friends).

Don't forget though, nuts aren't chumpy. As Mr T said: "Quit yo Jibber-jabber! You ain't hurt, yo pathetic! Argh! If I ever catch you out like a crazy fool again... etc...get some nuts!"

By Penny Modra

What:
The life-sized sheep statue

Where:
The Target Centre, Melbourne

How much:
The best things in life are free

If you find the city grind getting to you, the Target Centre offers a little-known trans-Tasman escape. Here in the very heart of the concrete jungle just outside the pharmacy you can come to close terms with the life-sized and very realistic statue of a sheep. Replete with real wool and very cute docile eyes, this ewe has all the basic ingredients necessary to send your imagination into overdrive. I shut my eyes. I feel the wool. I breathe in deeply through my nose and smell the fresh dung on Swanston street. I am in New Zealand. I am riding a whale. I am doing the Haka. I am cooking the man some eggs. I am the Prime Minister wearing bad pants while greeting the Queen.

By Barrie Barton

What:
Clubmania - The Cure for Normal

Where:
90 Lorimer St, Docklands

When:
March 8 and 9
11AM - 6PM

How much:
Free

Description:
People keep talking about this ‘normal virus'. What up with that? It's easy for us to stay away from the towns already under quarantine (Dubbo, Moe, Colac, Deniliquin, Bordertown) you know, because we like our espresso. But how can we protect ourselves if it floats into the city? Infecting our li'l alternative hearts with brutal, ham sandwich normalcy? Luckily, a safe area has been named by the National Bureau of Boredom Protection. It's 90 Lorimer Street, Docklands. Let us go there this weekend and party because, who knows? By then the only nightlife in town might consist of watching Everybody Loves Raymond reruns on the big screen at Fed Square then driving home to our kit homes in grey 2.5-litre vehicles.

What:
Sunday roast at the Geelong RSL

Where:
The Geelong RSL Sub Branch, 50 Barwon Heads Rd, Belmont ("just south of K-Mart")

When:
Every Sunday from 5pm

How much:
$12, for a roast dinner and live jazz entertainment

Description:
It happens too often to count: you're in the Geelong area and you're hankering for a good old-fashioned roast. Well, next time, look no further than the Geelong RSL. For the price of a pair of cheap underpants you get a generous serve WITH GRAVY, accompanied by the jive mojo of the RSL jazz band. After the meal you can try your luck on the pokies or one of the newly re-upholstered billiards tables. Friends and children are welcome. If you like it enough you can come back the next week - they have a new Saturday theme night. Get loaded with Geelong's finest to the classic hits of the ‘60s and ‘70s.

What:
Arrival of the 5.56pm Epping Line train

Where:
Flinders Street Station

When:
5.56pm weeknights

How much:
A ticket appropriate to your concession status

Description:
As you wait on the platform, it's pretty amazing to think that the train that departed Epping Station at 5.16pm, exactly 40 minutes before you arrived, is only one minute off. On its journey, it has stopped at Lalor Station, Thomastown Station, Keon Park Station, Ruthven Station, Reservoir Station, Regent Station, Preston Station, Bell Station, Thornbury Station, Croxton Station, Northcote Station, Merri Station, Rushall Station, Clifton Hill Station, Victoria Park Station, Collingwood Station, North Richmond Station, West Richmond Station and Jolimont Station. WHO EVEN KNEW THERE WAS A COLLINGWOOD STATION? Newsflash to everyone east of Smith Street: sell your bike now! The $200 will get you a motherload of 10 x 2 hours.

Can you recall that giddy feeling you get when you know the numbers are correct? When all the dollars and cents make sense? When you open the envelope and pull out a cheque from the ATO and it is for exactly the amount you thought it would be. Yes people, that's called intaxication and while we recognise it is a thrill, we also realise that it isn't cheap. That's why this week's WIN is for an hour of power with our Right Angle Publishing tax expert. This man plays a calculator like a grand piano... a symphony of fiscal acumen. To enter this competition simply send us your bank account details including BSB, ACC, a scan of your signature and passwords that we may need to check whether you are eligible for the competition.

This week's question:

No question, to enter, email sucker@rightanglepublishing.com

ThreeThousand is a weekly snapshot of Melbourne's subculture, fired by email into the loving arms of people who realise that the best things in life are often hard to find. It is compiled by an amorphous gaggle of writers, stylists, designers and photographers who all like huddling under that big umbrella we like to call creativity. Without editorial independence ThreeThousand has nothing. All editorial you read is featured because it's worth it - not because it's paid for.

Advertising Partnerships:
ThreeThousand is a trusted and proven medium for advertisers to engage with Melbourne's most elusive individuals - our subscribers. Each issue offers one advertiser the opportunity to have sole presence in the e-newsletter. A variety of placements (three, to be exact) are also available on threethousand.com.au. For more information on advertising with ThreeThousand contact Francesco at frunch@rightanglepublishing.com and Robbie at robert@rightanglepublishing.com.

Feedback:
Have something to say? Then say it by emailing talk@threethousand.com.au

Disclaimer:
The information in ThreeThousand is subject to change. Although we attempt to ensure that the content at the time of publication is correct, we do not guarantee its accuracy or currency. Right Angle Publishing accepts no responsibility to you or anyone else arising from any use or reliance on the information contained in ThreeThousand or any inaccuracy in the information. The views and opinions expressed on material included in ThreeThousand may not reflect those of Right Angle Publishing.

Contact:
Right Angle Publishing
Level 6, Curtin House
252 Swanston Street
Melbourne, 3000
+ 61 3 9662 1657

ThreeThousand's MySpace:
myspace.com/threethousand

Group Publisher:
Barrie Barton
barrie@rightanglepublishing.com

Editor:
Penny Modra
penny@threethousand.com.au

Associate Editor:
Isabel Dunstan
isabel@threethousand.com.au

Film Editor:
Martyn Pedler
martyn@rightanglepublishing.com

Music Editor:
Mark Gomes
mark@threethousand.com.au

READ Editor:
Kirsten Law
kirsten@threethousand.com.au

Design Monkeys:
tin&ed

Image and Web Monkey:
Taran Hubbert

STREET Pics Monkeys:
Mia Mala McDonald
Jamima Wu

Contributing Monkeys:
Nadia Saccardo
Barrie Barton
Penny Modra
Sophie Gaston
Isabel Dunston
Lauren Roe
Tait Ischia

Check out our 'Meet Me for a Drink' column in The Age EG liftout every Friday...

Meet Me For a Drink Monkeys:
Kirsten Law
Penny Modra
Simon Godfrey
Mark Gomes
Matt Hurst
Josh Gardiner
Isabel Dunstan