Thursday 28th May
Hey! Skinny. Just HURRY UP AND CHILL OUT! In these busy times, relaxing has never been such a hassle. In this issue we've compiled several leisure options that will slow you down like a punch in the face with a mood ring. A music machine so hypnotic you'll be too zen to realise your wife is slitting your throat. The sport that Gordon Gekko endorses. Seven art launches and a man who grows coffee faster than you can sweat it out.
ThreeThousand 207 - talk to the fun fist
Also on the site right now:
HEAR - Wilfred reviews I Was a King
GOODS - Jewellery that looks like a dino eating chicken
HEAR - Outside Love, a Black Mountain side project
Cover image by Jessica Brent. If you would like to submit a covershot, that would be so rad. Email photo@threethousand.com.au.
Catchdubs interview FUTURE
What:
Pat Collins interviews Nick Catchdubs
Where:
See him at I Heart NY at Roxanne
When:
Fri May 29, doors 9pm
How much:
Selling fast $15/$20 here
Win:
We have 2 dbls to give away! Email win@threethousand.com.au with the subject ‘The Rub?! I'll show you the rub, just let me stretch first'
Conducting an interview is almost never as easy as they portray it in the movies. In Interview With the Vampire they edited out all the haggling with the vampire's publicist, calling card problems, the inevitable busy signal, freaking out about deadlines, and panic tweets. Chatting with Nick Catchdubs was pretty smooth though, and the dude is really nice. Kind of like this picture of him, only through the telephone. He has just flown in for the I Heart NY party and had time to chat with Three Thousand about his Fools Gold partner, mammals, and being a party DJ.
Patrick Collins: My friend Sierra always gets stuck sitting on the train next to some chump DJ talking about how hot his set is going to be that night and showing her is iPod. What would you say in this situation to convince Sierra that you're actually a good DJ and she should come to your party?
Nick Catchdubs: Oh that's hard, because one person's biggest song of the night is another person's cue to get a drink or even leave. I don't think I would try to convince someone on the train with a playlist, I'd just be like ‘Naw, come on, it's cool, I'll give you some drink tickets, you don't even need to check your coat, just put it under the turntables, I'll watch it.'
...read the rest here
Release: Live
To Cure: An empty dancefloor
Cat Power: A Good Woman
What:
Cat Power: A Good Woman
Who:
Elizabeth Goodman
Where:
Metropolis Lvl 3, Curtin House, 252 Swanston St, Melbourne
How much:
RRP $26.95
I found a digital camera and two iPods in the neighbour's hard rubbish a couple of weeks ago - isn't that ridiculous? Even though none of them worked, I still took it as a momentous sign of the times. Similarly, a Chan Marshall biography seems a tad futuristic. Is it time for this already?
There are lots of interesting tidbits in A Good Woman, for instance the suitably nonsensical origin of the name Cat Power. There's also poor little Chan's troubled upbringing, her descent into alcoholism and depression, the house she shared with Bill Callahan in South Carolina, her on-stage tantrums... It's all in there, and it's all valid information for us fans. What lets the book down is it reads like a 300 page magazine article. It never really gets under the skin of its subject, which is due at least in part to Marshall's total lack of cooperation with the project.
Until she decides to actually be a part of something like this (and maybe gets a few more years under her belt), it serves Chan Marshall well to remain enigmatic and difficult. That way, we can prescribe our own meanings to her beautiful songs and not be disappointed by the truth.
Format: Book
Motivation: Good with a whiskey in the bath
My Year Without Sex
What:
My Year Without Sex
When:
In cinemas from May 28
Watch the trailer:
Here
Win:
Thanks to Footprint Films we have 5 dbls to give away! Email win@threethousand.com.au with the subject ‘How can the suburbs be frigid and fucking?'
My Year Without Sex begins as the kind of shaggy suburban comedy that Australian cinema does so well, but writer/director Sarah Watt has meshed a low-key love story with sly social commentary. Despite the title, sex is everywhere in this film, but as something troublesome, complicated and even absurd.
Natalie and Ross (the excellent Sacha Horler and Matt Day) are a youngish, lower-middle-class couple from Melbourne's western suburbs. As the film opens, their two kids catch them having sex - which made a late-thirtysomething preview audience gasp and giggle with recognition. But when Natalie has a life-threatening brain aneurysm and is told to avoid undue strain, sex is off the agenda and the family dynamic is changed forever.
Told through a series of observational vignettes, separated by intertitles that liken each month to a different phase of seduction, the film is full of subtly hilarious moments - look out for the goldfish funeral and Natalie's turn as the tooth fairy. But its real triumph is the effortless way it weaves big questions about religion, paedophilia, death and economics into a story about ordinary people.
Format: Cinema
Mood: Smarts
Keywords: Film, Australian
Buddha Machine II
What:
Buddha Machine II
Where:
Online here. There's also a less dinky iPhone app version of it, via iTunes.
How much:
AUD $39.95
Related links:
The New Yorker review
The Buddha Machine II is the second generation of a Marlboro Lights-sized plastic box that plays pre-recorded electronic music. Pitchfork gave it 8.2 and the New York Times called it 'beautifully useless'. It has a on/off switch, a plug for your headphones, a tempo dial and a speaker, and comes in different colours (mine is lime).
Its creators, Zhang Jian and Christiaan Virant, a couple of electronic music boobs from Beijing who work under the name FM3, have pre-loaded it with nine tracks that each run for pretty much eternity (or until the batteries run out, whichever comes first). The music is best described as agreeable ambient pap: one track sounds like a elevator's bing, at different pitches, with background drums, looped forever.
Put the Buddha Machine II on your bedside table, strip down to your undies, crank it up and close your eyes and one of two things will happen: your mind will melt into a blissful lump of stress-free whale meat OR you'll go out and purposefully drive your car into the side of a Safeway truck. A couple of days ago my wife casually said that if I play my Buddha Machine II again she'll slit my throat in the dead of night.
Product: Music
Theft: Theft is likely
World's Greatest Swapmeet
What:
World's Greatest Swapmeet
Where:
Rose Street Artist Market, 60 Rose St, Fitzroy
When:
Sun May 31, 11am-5pm
There have been other swapmeets before this one, and if that swine flu thing chills out, there might be some after, but none of them will be as great as this giant hipster selloff. As we send out the newsletter, there are already 35 stallholders, which means it's going to be a massive sale of bikes, sneakers, vinyl toys, and other stuff white people like.
The guys at Sneaker Freaker organised it all and hand-picked the sellers, which hopefully means there will be less whimsical knitwear and grandmas and more Air Jordans and hotties. And if you're worried about the weather turning into bullshit and ruining your unprotected footwear, shelve your concerns: the Rose Street market is outdoor AND indoors.
Product: Everything you dreamed
Anatomy: Whole body
Keywords: Sneaker Freaker, Rose Street Artists Market, Fitzroy, Bikes
Fever Dreams
What:
Leah Fraser, Fever Dreams
Where:
Utopian Slumps, 25 Easey St, Collingwood
When:
Opening Fri May 29, 6-9pm
Exhibition runs until June 13
From the dense foliage, Leah Fraser's forest creatures emerge. Peering out with eyes at once wistful, knowing and vulnerable; they invite us to join their secretive, lonely world.
Leah's first solo show marked the opening of Black & Blue Gallery in Sydney. For her first Melbourne show, the Sydney artist has moved beyond 2D imagery on the gallery walls and introduced an immersive space, with large-scale watercolours sitting alongside a kinetic installation of 100 clay birds suspended in flight.
Fever Dreams also sees each artwork accompanied by an original short poem, offering a narrative dimension to the imagery and giving further insight into the workings of this emerging artist's creative process.
Medium: Mixed
Drink: Herbal tea
Keywords: Leah Fraser, Fear and Might, Surrealism, Art
Squash
What:
Squash
Where:
Melbourne City Baths
When:
Mon-Thur 6am-10pm, Fri 6am-8pm, Sat-Sun 8am-6pm. Book up to a week in advance.
How much:
$14 per half hour, $15 racquet hire ($5 deposit included), $4.50 for balls
"Squash?" I hear you say, incredulously. "That's not cool. Isn't that the game where two Gordon Gekko* yuppie lookee-likees bruise each other while ignoring the homosexuality underlying their macho aggressive competition?" In games I've played over the last few months there have been no bruises, no sprained ankles. And my latent manlove? Completely acknowledged.
Maybe I'm not playing it right, but that's probably the trick. Find someone on a similar level of bodily dysfunction and you'll have yourself a nice, close game full of pitiful hits, wonky-eyed aim and half-hearted dashes around the cavernous, cubed room. Judging by the apocalyptic screams, curses and guttural grunts coming from the adjacent court, I think this is not a game you want to get too good at. The basics: It's first to 21, hit it above the line, don't let it bounce twice - the rest of the rules are displayed in the viewing area above the court where your friends can spectate and snort cocaine.
*Wall Street (1987), Oliver Stone is currently working on a sequel. Yeah that's right, the eighties are back; even the bits with Michael Douglas.
Ambience: Indoor
Difficulty: Depends how hard you push it
Keywords: Sports, Michael Douglas
Seven Seeds
What:
Seven Seeds
Where:
114 Berkeley St, Carlton
When:
Drop in from next Wednesday, okay?
Mon-Sat 7am-5pm, Sun 8.30-4pm
Contact:
9347 8664
You get the feeling that Mark Dundon will never stop. He's like a man possessed. Possessed by coffee. When he has a shower you can basically use the run-off to get wired.
You've been to Brother Baba Budan. But now, guess what? Mark's built a coffee plantation in the city! He's opening it next week. It's called Seven Seeds, and inside there's a cafe with wall-mounted bike racks, a massive roaster, a store room with big hessian bags full of green beans bought straight from farmers with names like Ralph de Castro, a lab with infrared spectrometers, a 10,000-litre water tank on the roof and an atrium full of coffee plants.
Admit it, you didn't even know that coffee came from a plant, did you? You thought it was picked out of the ground like regular peanuts. That's why Seven Seeds is an educational experience. Personally, I was shocked when Mark showed me the green beans. They smell like the fruit salad I spilled in my car boot on the weekend. Terrible. Which goes to show just how much can go wrong between bean and flatty.
This is why Mark must remain alert 24 hours a day. Don't make any sudden moves.
Venue: Café
Meal: Coffee
Keywords: Coffee, Mark Dundon, Brother Baba Budan
More OUTS! - MAY 28
What:
More OUTS!
Where:
On the site right now!
Description:
Don't forget ThreeThousand and Team Opulent present I Heart NY - Ayres and Catchdubs. We still have tickets to give away.
Pigeonhole Exhibition number 3. Warehouse art event not run by squatters.
Wordstock: Nick Cave inspires the youth again.
If you want to be a writer who doesn't blow his head off with a shotgun, start out with a plan
Event: Fair
Stimulus: crazy
Keywords: More OUTs
Patterns of Creative Aggression magazine launch
What:
Patterns of Creative Aggression magazine launch
Where:
No Vacancy, 22 Red Cape Lane, QV, Melbourne
When:
TONIGHT! Thurs May 28, 6.30-9.30pm
How much:
Free!
Description:
Vivek Subramanian launches the second issue of his already much-loved magazine and voluntary therapy exercise, Patterns of Creative Aggression. Though a poo-storm surrounded a certain reviewer's comments about the kerning in issue one, we are still invited to tonight's launch! The magazine is all about creative process - a behind-the-scenes look at how other people get things done. People like Tim Hillier, Jarrod Rawlins, Paul Knight and Maus Cat Berlin. As if to draw a subtle metaphor, or indeed, sell more copies, it has a picture of two naked people on the cover. Launch of the week! - Us.
Event: Launch
Stimulus: Ideas
Keywords: Magazine, Creativity
Jacob Rolfe, 'I Am My Own Solar System'
What:
Jacob Rolfe, I Am My Own Solar System
Where:
Don't Come, Lvl 2, Royal Arcade, 314 Lt Collins St, Melbourne
When:
Opening TONIGHT! Thurs May 28, 6-8pm
Exhibition runs until June 13
How much:
Free entry! One-off watercolours from $150
Description:
Amazing tattoo designer Jacob Rolfe launches a show of new drawings and paintings at Don't Come tonight. He urges you to bring your Mum because he actually wants to sell something as well as give Grolsch Lager away to your friends who plan to stand outside smoking and hurling themselves at cars on Little Collins Street. He's great. The one-off watercolours are priced from only $150, so if you think about how much money everyone's saving on alcohol and thrilling entertainment, you pretty much have to get one. - PM
Event: Launch
Stimulus: Cheap Treasure
Keywords: Don't Come, Tattoo, Illustration, Painting
Splintered Gilders, Dylan Martorell
What:
Splintered Gilders, Dylan Martorell
Where:
Lamington Drive, 89 George St, Fitzroy
When:
Opening TONIGHT! Thurs May 28, 6-9pm
Exhibition runs until june 20
How much:
Free!
Description:
Lamington Drive will be quite an exciting freakshow for the next month. Dylan Martorell is installing glass, mirrors, tubers, fungus, homemade instruments, and dirt into the Drive. There will be mulled wine at the launch and Dylan's inviting visitors to record tracks with his handmade instruments. These will eventually be included on the album Splintered Guilders, which will be no Merriweather Post Pavillion, but then Animal Collective weren't constantly distracted by the raw sex appeal of Jeremy Wortsman. - Us.
Event: Exhibition
Stimulus: Vino
Keywords: Dylan Martorell, Fitzroy, Lamington Drive
'In and Out, No Funny Business', Dan Moynihan
What:
In and Out, No Funny Business, Dan Moynihan
Where:
Hell Gallery, 5a Railway Pl, Richmond (behind the Coles)
When:
Opening Fri May 29, 6pm-late
Exhibition runs until June 20
How much:
Free!
Description:
Last time Dan Moynihan had an exhibition, the press release said he was building a giant iceberg in the gallery and you could view it through a periscope from a waterbed inside a bathtub. Boy, should we not have filed that one in the krank folder. This time he says he's going to "hammer holes in reality". Whatever that means, trust us, he is not lying. Watch your back: Stephen Hawking. BBQ and DJs from 6pm. - Us.
Event: Launch
Stimulus: crazy
Keywords: Hell Gallery
'Dont Let Go', Kez Hughes
What:
Dont Let Go, Kez Hughes
Where:
Third Drawer Down, 93 George St, Fitzroy
When:
Opening Sat May 30, 2-4pm
Exhibition runs until June 13
How much:
Free!
Description:
Third Drawer Down sells art souvenirs. Kez Hughes paints pictures of art souvenirs that other people have bought. This exhibition is too perfect! Will the collision of forces produce antimatter? Will Abi have enough wall space? Will people buy the paintings of the souvenirs or just the souvenirs? 93 George Street is one big question mark keyring right now.- PM
Event: Launch
Stimulus: Culture
Keywords: Third Drawer Down, Art, Design
Autumn Bike Polo Tournament
What:
Autumn Bike Polo Tournament
Where:
Cnr Paterson St and Arnold St, North Carlton
When:
May 30-31, noon-dark
How much:
$5 individual entry , $15 team of three
Description:
Okay! Yeah! Polo for the people! Bike polo is the best. Did you know that glamour model Jordan plays horse polo? That's why she got her boobs reduced. The RSPCA rang up. If this is not enough to put you off the horse version and get you down to the bike polo tournament this weekend then you are Peter Andre. This two-day tournament promises pickup polo and trackstand, footdown, quickstop and other activities we've never heard of. But there's a prize for best outfit! - PM
Event: Fun in the sun
Stimulus: sound the horns!
Keywords: Bikes
St Helens album launch with Panel of Judges, Circle Pit, and DJ Ann Ominous
What:
St Helens album launch with Panel of Judges, Circle Pit, and DJ Ann Ominous
Where:
Northcote Social Club, 301 High St, Northcote
When:
Sat May 30, doors 8.30pm
How much:
$10 +BF here or $12 on the door
Description:
Just in case you didn't mark your calendars when we told you about this album launch in the review, here it is again! The lineup is perfect. It's rock music with twinges of art or kraut, yet wholly Melbourne sounding, and if you're still not convinced then try to read what Mark had to say about it without getting distracted by the underboob shot. - PC
Event: Bands & DJs
Stimulus: W
Keywords: St Helens, Panel of Judges, Rock
Wilkintie letterpress showcase
What:
Wilkintie letterpress showcase
Where:
Outre Gallery, 249 Elizabeth St, Melbourne
When:
Sat May 30, from 2pm
Exhibition runs until June 12
How much:
Free!
Description:
Wilkintie are all over the news right now. There's nothing like starting up a boutique subscription-based letterpress art service for the under-fives to make you famous. And rich. Don't forget filthy-ass loaded. Phew, it's full on. Niels Oeltjen and Carly Hargreaves are only exhibiting their Wilkintie prints in an adult environment because people wouldn't stop nagging them, god it's so tiresome you wouldn't believe it. Niels is doing a talk about the project at 2pm on Saturday. Questions on a card. - PM
Event: Exhibition
Stimulus: Cordial
Keywords: Wilkintie, Outre Gallery, Niels Oeltjen
Emerging Writers Festival Zine Fair
What:
Emerging Writers Festival Zine Fair
Where:
Atrium, Fed Square, Flinders St, Melbourne
When:
Sun May 31, noon-5pm
How much:
Free entry!
Description:
Now this zine fair has the worst name in the history of zine fairs. It's called Page Parlour. Ewwww! Sounds like an Edwardian porn library. But don't hold that against it because the market's bigger than ever this year with more than 40 stalls. One of the good things about zines is that they're cheap, and often the editors will swap you one for a possession of little value such as an iRiver. If someone's driving a hard bargain, though, you can psych them out by asking if they know your sister Vanessa Berry, or casually high-fiving Bernard from the Cardigan Comics stand. You heard it from the nerd it. - PM
Event: Fair
Stimulus: The real live world
Keywords: Emerging Writers' Festival, Zine
Direct To Public
What:
Direct To Public
Where:
OK OK, Hardwick Building, 459 Sydney Rd, Brunswick
When:
Opening Mon June 1, 6-8pm
Exhibition runs until end of June
How much:
Free!
Description:
Elizabeth Carey Smith is a type nerd. Normal nerds do not understand what it is to be a type nerd. For one, type nerds are well-dressed. For two, they must keep up to date on slab serifs around the clock. The fickle winds of letter fashion can turn on a dime. Amid all this, Elizabeth has been working on her first solo exhibition. It's an extension of her Imaginary Alphabets project, where she finds examples of custom lettering (like on signs and little books in the Dandenong Op Shop) and builds whole A-to-Zs. In this show, she salutes the hand-lettering of Brunswick, a suburb that knows how to write $2.99 on a kilo of bananas faster than you can sign your name. - PM
Event: Exhibition
Stimulus: The real live world
Keywords: Brunswick, Typography
Self-Cultivation
What:
Self-Cultivation
Where:
The Order of Melbourne, 401 Swanston St, Melbourne
When:
Tue June 2, doors 8pm
How much:
$5
Description:
Self-Cultivation is a new night with a literal title. Put on by writers/performers Harriet Gregory and Kirsten Law, it's a place for writers and their ilk to try out works in progress in front of an audience and learn something from the trauma. There will be video, theatre, poetry, performance art, storytelling, and DJs, but not all at once. - PC
Event: Performance
Stimulus: Ideas
Keywords: Writers
Ladytron play the Hi Fi's 12th birthday
What:
Ladytron play the Hi Fi's 12th birthday
Where:
Hi Fi, 125 Swanston St, Melbourne
When:
Fri June 5, doors 8.30pm
How much:
49.50 +BF here
Win:
We have 3 dbls to give away! To enter, email win@threethousand.com.au with the subject ‘starring Jeff Bridges as a cross-dressing ENCOM programmer'
Description:
Electropop was huge in '02, but a few of the big bands have survived the electroclash bubble burst and kept making decent music. Up there with groups like Adult and Chicks on Speed, are Ladytron. A quartet of smartly dressed knob twiddlers and keyboard stabbers that have made their fair share of club floor singles. They're coming down after hanging out in Sydney with Brian Eno, but the Hi Fi's 12th birthday is going to be way better than sitting in the opera house tapping your foot. - PC
Event: Bands
Stimulus: sound the horns!
Adam Krongold needs a film location
What:
Adam Krongold needs a film location
Where:
A bathroom, specifically
When:
Asap
Contact:
Adam
Description:
We thought Adam Krongold was a professional competition enterer. He would always be emailing us, wearing out the keys that spell w-i-n-@-t-h-r-e-e-t-h-o-u-s-a-n-d-.-c-o-m-.-a-u, having to get them replaced, asking us to run a competition for a new t key. But now we learn that he is actually a filmmaker! One who films glamourous bathroom scenes, in fact. And he's seeking a location that looks something like this. If you don't have a housemate who looks like the hottie, don't worry - Adam will bring an actress. - PM
Event: Film
Stimulus: Ideas
Keywords: Film
The 'versus' game is a popular one. We find there's nary a better way to make a long car trip pass quickly than a spot of, "Your cat vs my rat, except my rat has the power of flight. Who wins in a fight?". The only thing better is a game of Hypotheticals, except one must accept that at some point in the game, "Would you rather eat vomit or poo?" will be asked. Test the theory if you will. What we're getting at is that there is a publishing house you might have heard of called Falcon vs Monkey Falcon Wins.
They publish a magazine called Torpedo that contains glorious illustrations and actually really good short fiction, and they have a new issue out featuring stories from American friends as well as local legends, and artwork by DAVID SHRIGLEY. Anyway, Torpedo's giving you the chance to win a subscription to issues 6-9. That's four issues, delivered straight to your door! To enter, just answer the following question.
This week's question:
The winningest animal of all time is:
a) The falcon
b) The monkey
c) the slow and steady
d) the drummer
To enter, email win@threethousand.com.au. Winners will be notified by email. Subscriber only entry. Not a subscriber? No waaiiii! Sign up here.
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