Thursday 7th May
The Jazz Festival was great wasn't it? You know what would be even better though. The jazz hands festival. That week, everything would work out just fine. You'd get your shoes shined and face the world with sparkle fingers. Pot dealer talking crazy? Jazz Hands. Come out of a Charlie Kaufman movie going 'Wha happen?'. Jazz Hands. You just can't get in touch with Marty Monster? JAZZ HANDS!
ThreeThousand 204 - jazz hands
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STREET - Corky Saint Clair shop re-opening party
GOODS - twentysevennames
HEAR - Dan Deacon, Bromst
Cover image by Leah Robertson. If you would like to submit a covershot, that would be so rad! Email photo@threethousand.com.au.
Synecdoche, New York
What:
Synecdoche, New York
When:
Exclusive to Cinema Nova from May 7
Watch the trailer:
Here
Win:
Thanks to Nova, we have 2 dbls to give away! To enter, email win@threethousand.com.au with the subject line 'Knowing that you don't know is the most essential step to knowing, y'know?'
Charlie Kaufman's first feature as director is uncompromisingly weird and will make you feel either really smart or really dumb. You might stroll out of the cinema stroking your chin about Baudrillard, Sartre or Jung. Or you might just go, "Wha' happen?"
Personally - and this film is impossible not to consider personally - I took it as a warning about over-analysing stuff. Synecdoche, New York is about an anxious, hypochondriac theatre director, Caden Cotard (Philip Seymour Hoffman) who so obsessively revises and rehearses an epic play about the meaning of existence that he becomes increasingly alienated from living his own life. It infused me with a fierce desire to cherish each moment for what it is, rather than wasting time wondering what it means.
The uniformly brilliant cast (including Catherine Keener, Michelle Williams, Samantha Morton, Emily Watson and Dianne Wiest) inhabit a hazy space between dreaming, waking and what you glimpse from the corner of your eye. Time is elastic and stuff makes no sense. In places it's very irritating and boring. But Synecdoche, New York manages to be funny and intimate within its dizzyingly confronting premise. Just run with it. It will tell you something that isn't easy to forget.
Format: Cinema
Mood: Make a therapy appointment now
Keywords: New York, Philip Seymour Hoffman, Charlie Kaufman
God Is Saying This To You
What:
God Is Saying This To You
Who:
Kurt Vile
On:
Mexican Summer
Where:
Download at Mexican Summer, limited edition vinyl scarce
Dharma bum with guitar, Kurt Vile, is another self-recording US artist of the moment, but perhaps the most anomalous and welcome yet. Taken by name - a serious misnomer - and the company he keeps, alone, Vile could be the next tapes-and-bong Surf thing by numbers, but instead he's a finger picking Zen simplest; more about clean, pastoral melodies and journeyman lyrics than any going lo-fi style. Like Vincent Gallo's When, there's something irresistibly out-of-time but-in about Vile's God Is Saying This To You, and a similar, irresistible loneliness at its core; knowing, clear-eyed and hopeless.
'My Sympathy' sounds like John Fahey with added drifter lyrics, including 'In a daydream I saw my soul in a flashing neon sign' and 'In a nightmare I saw myself - briefcase, white suit and tie' delivered in the dirty, Springsteen-loving drawl that Vile's made his own. 'Red Apples' reminds of Sandy Bull's strung-out electric oud experiments, 'Beach on the Moon' is Neil Young blues with extra weird and invocations to 'slither up just like a snake upon a spiral staircase', and 'My Best Friends (Don't Even Pass This)' is a killing, Jackson C. Frank-strength poetic folk repeater. Surprising, quiet, diamond tape visions.
Release: Album
To Cure: Hypertension
Corpoetics
What:
Corpoetics
Who:
Nick Asbury
Where:
Metropolis, Lvl 3 Curtin House, 252 Swanston St, Melbourne
How much:
$15
Contact:
9663 2015
Mission statements - every company worth their salt has one. You know, the paragraph that sums up exactly what your business is about, what you believe in, what makes you so damn special. So anyway, this Nick Asbury fellow, he took the words from a bunch of ‘corporate overviews', and reworked them into funny little poems called ‘Corpoetics'. Hey, inspiring stuff! I thought to myself. That's a great idea! What a book! Yeah!
But it seems Nick is one of those worm in the apple types - the type there is no room for on my team. He seems to think great companies like Nokia, Goldman Sachs and Nike should be the objects of scorn and derision. I was sure he was making it up, but I checked the web links at the bottom of each poem, and it seems he wasn't.
If you're the type of person who likes to laugh at great men, then go ahead and pick up a copy of Nick's book. I wouldn't. But in the spirit of things, I created my own ‘Corpoem' based on the corporate overview here at TT. Here goes:
Melbourne, Melbourne, Melbourne,
The very latest!
Subculture, subculture, subculture,
Best.
Format: Book
Motivation: Kill twenty minutes dead
Wool and the Gang
What:
Wool and the Gang
Where:
Online here or at The Smile, NYC
When:
24/7
How much:
Lula Hoop for instance, AUD $124 (or AUD $105 at The Smile)
When you're a pothead, every day revolves around ‘The Mission' or, more familiarly, ‘The Mish'. The Mish is the process of scoring more pot and can be as painless as a phone call or as harrowing as a train-ride out to Sunshine.
In 1995 my best friend John and I were addicted to marijuana, and happily languished within a great cloud of skunk, high above Brighton Road in sunny Elwood. One time a mish lead us to the home of a guy named ‘Wool' who purportedly addressed everyone around him as 'Wool' or sometimes 'Wooly' or even 'Woola'. We arrived at Wool's house and I was introduced as 'Jason' He shook my hand merrily and said "G'day Wooly! Come on in!"
Inside there were three other dudes, or ‘Woolas', watching TV. "Woola?" said Wool to one of the Wools, "Make some room on the couch for the Woolies." We sat down. "Do you Wools want a bong?" asked Wool, packing a cone. "Yes please Wooly." We replied. Amazingly I am not making this up. (Incidentally, the knit collective Wool and the Gang are offering Australian passport holders 15% off all woolly goods at my favorite café and mixed concept store, The Smile.)
Product: Clothing
Theft: Theft is inevitable: Buy two
Keywords: Online, Accessories, Knitting
Tobias Frere-Jones
What:
Tobias Frere-Jones
Where:
The Narrows, Lvl 2, 141 Flinders La, Melbourne
When:
Until Sat June 6, Wed-Sat 12-6pm
How much:
Free!
Contact:
9654 1534
Tobias Frere-Jones and his partner Jonathan Hoefler form New York type design studio Hoefler & Frere-Jones, possibly the most well-respected and prolific dedicated type-design studio operating today. Their way of describing the process of type design is enjoyable, accessible and funny - a quality unusual in type designers. Instead of being restricted to x-heights, character widths and kerning pairs, Hoefler & Frere-Jones are more likely to say "This has that Saturn 5 rocket early NASA quality; it needs to have that Olivetti orange plastic typewriter, Roman Holiday espresso feeling." You can witness some of this here, here and here.
What you can witness at The Narrows is a selection of the vast photographic research project that began with the development of Gotham, one of H&F-Js most famous creations. Having discovered what they believe to be an anonymous, vernacular New York style of lettering, they also quickly discovered that much of it was disappearing. To preserve (in his more specific terms) "the painted, gilded, carved and cast lettering of the city's public spaces" over the past seven years, Frere-Jones has covered 844 blocks of Manhattan, on foot, with camera. Go see it: you'll become a fan if you're not already.
Medium: Design
Drink: Double espresso
Keywords: The Narrows, Tobias Frere-Jones, Typography, Design
Shine Shoe Shine
What:
Shine Shoe Shine
Where:
Rilato Towers, 525 Collins St, Melbourne
When:
Mon-Fri 8am-2pm
Contact:
0400710788 or here kate@shineshoeshine.com.au
Having an obsession with feet is not usually a socially acceptable thing. Sure, there are websites, foot models, sock outlets...but most people just don't share your enthusiasm for tootsies. We say ‘most people' because there are still places where you freaks can fit in. Shine Shoe Shine is one of these places. The people of SSS really care about how your feet look. Maybe even too much.
Shine Shoe Shine has passion above and beyond what you'd expect from a shoe shiner. Everything they do is extraordinary: they give bulk discounts when you bring in your entire collection of custom made boots, they offer a free pickup/delivery service for those of us who can go shoeless in the office of an afternoon, and they have collected more than 65 colour-matching shines to make those blood-red heels look like they just stepped out of that poor boy's heart. Again.
Product: Everything you dreamed
Anatomy: Feet
Keywords: Shoes
Little Lamb
What:
Little Lamb
Where:
264 Russell St, Melbourne
How much:
$23 per person
Contact:
9663 3993
Mary had a little lamb. That was before it was frozen, thinly sliced and dipped it in a delicious combination broth alongside sweet potato, bamboo, mushrooms, bok choy, something else we pointed at on the menu, noodles and even a couple of prawns.
Chinese Hot Pot, or Chinese Fondue if you're a Swiss colonialist, sits, in spirit, with the D.I.Fry communal culinary traditions of Korean BBQ or French Raclette but has the most in common with Japanese Shabu Shabu - an experience somewhere between cooking and fishing, depending on how lousy you are with your chopsticks. For $23 per person the hot pots at Little Lamb contain all the thrill of cooking with none of the trauma of cleaning.
Venue: Restaurant
Meal: Lunch and dinner
EAMO needs to find Marty Monster
What:
EAMO needs to find Marty Monster
Where:
This is the very question
How much:
Listen Marty, what offers are you looking at. Really?
"Dear Penny, if anybody knows the whereabouts of Marty Monster let me know! I'm trying to track him down! EAMO."
Things we think we know so far:
1. He used to do promo for Triple R.
2. On the Early Bird Show, he was voiced by someone off-stage and the costume was worn by an expert kangaroo-wrestling mime. Like, Humphrey style!
3. Channel 9 has a pile of Plucka Duck costumes thrown on the dirty floor in the attic. Is Marty splayed out underneath? Perhaps...
4. Darryl Cotton has a band.
5. One of you is Marty Monster. We're onto you. If you wish us to cease our 24-hour pursuit, surrender! People who only have two thumbs can still send an email, you know. - PM
Ambience: Outdoor
Difficulty: Exertion will pay off
Keywords: Eamo
Grouse 7 inch singles party
What:
Grouse 7 inch singles party
Where:
Neverwhere Bar, 185 Smith St, Fitzroy
When:
Tonight! Thurs May 7, doors 9pm
How much:
$10 on the door
Description:
Grouse is kicking off the month of May with a 7 inch party. The idea is that you bring along your best dance jam, that hidden gem you put on just to blow people's minds, hand it over to Ann Ominous, and from 11 to 12 she might drop that cut and make you the hero of the party. Just make sure you pick it up at the door after midnight, although I'm sure you could just donate it to her collection, she probably won't mind. Unless it's another copy of ‘Genius of Love' goddamnit...we know you've been trying for 15 years to pawn that off on someone else, you should've known not to buy it in the first place, loser. - PC
Event: DJs
Stimulus: Popcorn & Beer
Keywords: Dance, Fitzroy, Gay/Lesbian
Steven Asquith paintings
What:
Steven Asquith paintings
Where:
Don't Come, Lvl 2, Royal Arcade, 314 Collins St, Melbourne
When:
Launching TONIGHT! Thurs May 7, 6-8pm
How much:
Free
Description:
Okay, so Geoff from Neon Parc has an exhibition on at Block Projects gallery. And Steven Asquith from Block Projects has an exhibition launching at Don't Come. So Tim from Don't Come "can't exhibit due to the lack availability of gallery space spurred on by the recent run of artistic gallery proprietors looking beyond their own backyard. In the nicest way possible, of course." - Schwipey.
Event: Exhibition
Stimulus: Free booze & Food
Keywords: Don't Come, Block Projects
All That Is Solid Melts Into Air (Provisional Title) launch
What:
All That Is Solid Melts Into Air (Provisional Title) launch
Where:
Utopian Slumps, 25 Easey St, Collingwood
When:
Fri May 8, 6-9pm
How much:
Free!
Description:
Japanese-born, Adelaide-based artist Akira Akira has decided on a title for his first solo show. It's 'All That Is Solid Melts Into Air (Provisional Title)'. No. He's decided. That's it. It's 'All That Is Solid Melts Into Air (Provisional Title)'. No! What's your problem? This press conference is OVER. Refreshments in the annex. - PM
Event: Exhibition
Stimulus: The real live world
Keywords: Utopian Slumps
Gold from Shit(zroy) warehouse party
What:
Gold from Shit(zroy) warehouse party
Where:
Bach Lane, Fitzroy
When:
Fri May 8, doors 7pm
How much:
Free!
Description:
No-one does a party like art school kids. It's part of their assessment. If the lecturers turn up and there isn't a guy off his man-boobs on LSD, wearing a cape fashioned from pages of the Satanic Bible, bathing in a giant perspex vagina, it's Ds for everyone. Don't you hate group work? - PM
Event: Party
Stimulus: sound the horns!
Keywords: Warehouse party, Fitzroy, Art
Little Red: Here Comes the Night Tour
What:
Little Red 'Here Comes the Night Tour' with Ground Components
Where:
Hi Fi Bar, 125 Swanston St, Melbourne
When:
Fri May 8, doors 8pm
Under-18s show Sat May 9, doors 2pm
How much:
$20+BF here / Under-18s tickets $12+BF here
Win:
We have 4 dbl passes to give away! 2 for the 18+ show and 2 for the under-18s! To enter e-mail win@threethousand.com.au with your age and the subject line 'It's time to pack away the Ray Bans'.
Description:
Little Red are waiting for this girl to call and tell them what they want / They're so tired she's got them wired but they don't know what on / On their miiiiind / they're gonna play the HiFi / on their miiiind / all the tickets are sooold / on their miiiind / except the under 18s show / on their miiiiiiiiiiiiind / they're gonna play just one more time. - Us
Event: Bands
Stimulus: sound the horns!
Keywords: Little Red, HiFi Bar
Aleks & The Ramps 7'' single tour at Anytime Place
What:
Aleks & The Ramps 7'' single tour at Anytime Place
Where:
20 Oven's St, Brunswick
When:
Sat May 9, 8-11pm
How much:
$10 on door
Description:
Even though they lost the chance to have their song in a herpes ad last year, Aleks and the Ramps have proved that not even STI's can break their spirit. They pulled themselves together and went to record the single for their next album, ‘Antique Limb' and then had it pressed for a 7". According to their blog, they can even play it "start to middle and on to the end without defecating..." which is great news. A Ramps show without faeces? Everything is rad. - PC
Event: Bands
Stimulus: Jager
Keywords: Brunswick
Lee Memorial album launch
What:
Lee Memorial album launch
Where:
Northcote Social Club, 301 High St, Northcote
When:
Sat May 9, doors 8.30pm
How much:
$12 on the door
Win:
We have two copies of The Lives of Lee Memorial, to give away! To enter email win@threethousand.com.au with the subject line 'hurry up Laura, the van won't pack itself'
Description:
One day Karl Smith thought - That's it. I've had it with touring as a duo. Sodastream is great, I mean people like us, and they tell me stories about how their mum wouldn't buy the proper Sodastream syrup refills and made them use cordial instead. Conversation is a breeze. But Pete always makes me carry the double bass. I need, like, a drummer at least. Someone with a van. And a clarinet player. And an excuse not to book twin share at the motel, god help me I want to sleep in my own room. And so he started Lee Memorial. Hear them play their beautiful new album on Saturday.
Event: Bands
Stimulus: Angst
Keywords: Northcote Social Club
Melbourne Zombie Shuffle 2009
What:
Melbourne Zombie Shuffle 2009
Where:
Starts at the Carlton Gardens, Cnr of Rathdowne St and Victoria St, Carlton. Afterparty at Roxanne, Lvl 2, 2 Coverlid Pl, Melbourne
When:
Sat May 9, 1-4pm. Afterparty doors 5pm
How much:
BRRAAAAAINNS
Description:
There are reports coming in from everywhere. Melbourne might be the only place that isn't infected. There are even sightings of them in Tasmania, and we all know the ones down there are going to have creepy incestuous zombie sex with each other. Some things don't change even when you're undead. We have to get it together. By Saturday they will definitely be here, probably starting around Carlton Gardens and heading towards the other mindless shells of humans at Crown Casino. If you survive the first wave, go to the afterparty at Roxanne where we shall commence the repopulation of Australia. - PC
Event: Rally
Stimulus: Screams
Superclub II
What:
Superclub II
Where:
Neverwhere Bar, 185 Smith St, Collingwood
When:
Sat May 9, doors 9pm
How much:
$10 on door or $5 on guestlist
Description:
Superclub is back again to return the r&b vibes to the dance floor. If you missed out last time here's your second chance. So let's get down to brass tacks and recognise the fact that its not a bad-ass dance party until you've heard 2pac's 'hit 'em up' at least three times - and goddamn if doesn't gets better each time. Yes winter may be blowing its ice-y breeze this way but its still summer vibes when you're getting close and sweaty on the dance-floor. DJs bringing the party and bullshit back to Superclub include GLOVES, Lil Lu, Young Steezy and more. Also, get on the 1/2 price guestlist (e-mail superclubtheparty@gmail.com) because it saves money, der. - SC
Event: Party
Stimulus: Do-rags and baggy get ups
Keywords: Collingwood, NeverWhere
Cicada - Cannes fundraiser screening
What:
Cicada - Cannes fundraiser screening
Where:
Horse Bazaar, 397 Little Lonsdale St, Melbourne
When:
Sun May 10, doors 4pm, screening at 7pm
How much:
$5
Description:
Pfft. Cannes. What a try-hard scene. That's the type of thing you don't hear from people who ARE HAVING THEIR INDEPENDENT FILM SCREENED AT THE DIRECTORS' FORTNIGHT. Holy moly, Melbourne director Amiel Courtin-Wilson and producer Sally Hussey and their team are totally going to Cannes with their short film Cicada. Well, they're invited. All they need is the airfare. No-one wants to get sauced with Rainer Werner Fassbinder on videolink. Pay $5 and see a screening of Cicada, starring Plan B Theatre Company founder Daniel P. Jones. If only 20 of us turn up that's enough for Jetstar, first class! - PM
Event: Film
Stimulus: Fame
Keywords: Horse Bazaar, Fundraiser
City of Melbourne 2010 Arts Grants information night
What:
City of Melbourne 2010 Arts Grants information night
Where:
Blindside, Lvl 7, Room 14, Nicholas Building, 37 Swanston St, Melbourne
When:
Mon May 11, 6.30-7.30pm
How much:
Free! Let Blindside know you're coming though, for catering info@blindside.org.au
Description:
Want some free money so you can live as a hamster? That's the kind of thing the City of Melbourne can maybe assist you with through their arts grants program. Of course there's a mire of paperwork involved, so it will be a good idea to go to the information session at Blindside this Monday. The lady who writes the cheques will be there in person to give you advice on your application. Budgeting, staying within the word limit, not eating your hardcopy and pooing it onto the floor, etc. - PM
Event: Talk
Stimulus: Culture
Keywords: Art, money, Blindside Gallery
The Outsiders
What:
The Outsiders
Where:
Kristian Pithie Gallery, 27 Gipps St, Richmond
When:
Launching Tues May 12, 6-8pm
How much:
Free!
Description:
When two poor greasers, Johnny and Ponyboy, are assaulted by a vicious gang, The Socs, and Johnny kills one of the attackers, tension begins to mount between the two rival gangs, setting off a turbulent chain of events. Then they decide to put on an art show in Richmond. JK! The Outsiders is a new exhibition starring local artists Meggs, Miso, Kill Pixie, Tai Snaith, Trent Whitehead, Vexta and more. Artists who dwell on the edges of fine art, making their marks independently, never getting invited to openings at Anna Schwartz, etc. Stay gold, Ponyboy. Stay gold. - PM
Event: Exhibition
Stimulus: Free booze & Food
Keywords: Richmond, Street Art
Polaroid isn't going back into business anytime soon. But stop crying, Patti Smith, because there's a new camera in town. It's not at all like the one Robert Mapplethorpe used to use, but it can take colour photos. Also, the plastic casing causes light leaks. This is a) the reason your grandma cursed it and tried to get it repaired, and b) the reason but we all love Diana cameras! Now Lomo has produced the Diana+, which is just like the original Diana, with the soft-focus to make you look like you're from the ‘70s, when everyone was cool.
But Diana+ also lets you dabble in pinhole, endless panorama, fisheye, close-ups, 'Splitzers' and 'Color-Splashing'. (Art school talk, you'll get it after a while.) Anyway, the 'Instant Back' add-on is by far the greatest. With a simple click into place it lets you shoot and print, like immediately, allowing you to get off the 'roids for good. Diana+ is available at FAT, but, for your chance to win one, just answer the following question:
Thisweek's question:
Diana+has an instant
a) noodle
b) messenger
c) back
d) regret about not catching a cab to the hotel
Send your answer, name and mailing address to win@threethousand.com.au. Winners will be notified by email. Subscriber only entry! Not a subscriber? Oh noooes! Sign up here.
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