Thursday 30th April
Get a move on Joe. We gotta move four tonne o' bricks. We gotta get away from the Jane Austen zombies. We gotta make it to Thornbury by 2 o'clock to buy a pork bun. And the hippies are a comin.
ThreeThousand 203 - skates on
Cover image by Max Olijnyk. If you would like to submit a covershot that would be so rad! Email photo@threethousand.com.au
Anta bags
Real Eddy Currents, for reals
German gun camera
The Walls Notebook
Schwipe: Booze, Debt, Die
Pyschedelic Horseshit
Wolf car
AUTOTUNE THE NEWS!
Seagull leads life of crime
Tell us what's cool
cool@threethousand.com.au
Tanned bags
Eddie McGuire
Germans with guns
The mall
Spreadtweet
Where the poop things are
Disappointment kitty
Forgetting to turn on the autotune
Squirrel preys on the defenceless
Tell us what's fool
fool@threethousand.com.au
Samson & Delilah
What:
Samson & Delilah
When:
Selected cinemas from May 7
Watch the trailer:
Here
Win:
Thanks to Footprint Films, we have 5 dbls for the sneak preview weekend to give away! To enter, email win@threethousand.com.au with the subject line ‘Not another verandah jam!'
Warwick Thornton's first feature isn't just another worthy indigenous-themed movie. This teenage love story is tender, provocative and gorgeous to watch. Samson (Rowan MacNamara) and Delilah (Marissa Gibson) live in a remote indigenous community - the kind we're constantly told is a hotbed of violence and abuse - where Samson sniffs petrol and tries to jam with his brother's verandah band, and Delilah looks after her Nana (Mitjili Gibson), a traditional dot painter.
Nana encourages Samson in his massive crush on her granddaughter, but Delilah mainly finds Samson annoying... until she and Samson find themselves exiled from their community and living rough in Alice Springs, where they're befriended by the larrikinish Gonzo (Scott Thornton, the director's older brother). There are some unbelievably grim points at which you wonder how this story can possibly end happily. Believe me, it does.
Samson & Delilah unfolds almost without dialogue, as a succession of lyrical ‘moments' at which the camera gazes unflinchingly. The actors, mainly newcomers, give performances filled with both pathos and humour. Thornton's cinematograph is wonderful; he makes unusual use of long shots and ambient light effects to create something powerful in its simplicity.
Format: Cinema
Genre: Romance
Keywords: Warwick Thorton, Film
Wavves
Pardon the pun, but 22-year-old San Diegan Nathan Williams is riding waves of internet buzz due to his self-titled debut album, Wavves.
And deservedly so. Wavves is an album as bored as it is bratty, as much in debt to the skater ennui of No Age as the surf pop of The Beach Boys.
Standouts include the surf rock anthem, ‘Beach Demon' and the ultra-catchy bubblegum of 'So Bored' (with the lovable upbeat chorus, ‘Oh I'm / soOOOooo / bored'). Wavves is packed with willfully noisy, upbeat pop that's playfully morbid (demons and Goths feature prominently in the lyrics) and totally juvenile - and an utter joy.
Only available on import at the moment (will someone please release this locally?), Wavves is a glorious slab of noise as sunny as it is creepy. Highly recommended.
Genre: Pop
Release: Album
Pride and Prejudice and Zombies
What:
Pride and Prejudice and Zombies
Who:
Jane Austen and Seth Grahame-Smith
Where:
Here and good bookstores (Quirk Books)
How much:
RRP $24.95
Jane Austen's Pride and Prejudice is one of those books everyone pretends to read. According to the Wikipedia summary it's all about some sisters trying to get married off. And there are five of them. And they all have different personalities and, dunno, some stuff happens... The point is; it's all very twee and not at all exciting. What it desperately needs is some action. Some 21st century zing! Some zombies!
That's pretty much what Seth Grahame-Smith had in mind when he sat down to rewrite the novel. Injecting zombies, cannibalism and ultra-violence into the storyline, he turned a dusty old novel into a ‘Snakes on a Plane' style internet phenomenon. A concept so retarded it actually comes full circle and becomes awesome.
So, is it any good? Honestly, no seems to know or care. It's an ‘edit' of Pride and Prejudice in which the central protagonist roams the English countryside killing zombies while trying to get married. It culminates in a battle between zombies and ninjas. It's the stupidest book ever (re)written. That's got be worth a few bucks, right?
Format: Book
Genre: Fantasy/Sci-fi
Keywords: Classic, Romance, Zombies, Literature
Book, Block & Beer Bundle
What:
Book, Block & Beer Bundle
Where:
The Narrows, Lvl 2, 141 Flinders Lane, Melbourne
When:
Sat May 2, 5-7pm
In the Myth of Sisyphus (not to be confused with the myth of syphilis), Sisyphus is condemned to pushing a boulder up and down a hill for all of eternity. Although Camus would argue that this ‘absurdity' and ‘meaningless' is inevitable and that ‘the struggle itself... is enough to fill a man's heart,' this is not the kind of language that's going to get you out of bed in the morning, or laid late at night, and it's certainly not the kind of fate that we would wish on anyone, particularly on the weekend.
Needless to say when we heard that Warren at The Narrows and Bianca Hester needed help removing four tonne of concrete blocks from their second floor gallery we offered to spread the word. Although this sounds suspiciously like hard work, it's really not because, this Saturday, for $50 you'll get Bianca's book (108pp), an Editioned Block (12kgs) and a beer (450ml) which, in a time of financial crisis, is as safe an investment as any. It's also your last chance to see Bianca's exhibition, well at least what will be left of it.
Gallery Type: Contemporary Art Space
Location: CBD
Medium: Other
Keywords: The Narrows, Work, Art
Corky Saint Clair
What:
Corky Saint Clair
Where:
Shop 3, Campbell Arcade (Degraves Subway)
When:
Mon-Sat 11am-6.30pm
Win:
Chris is giving away 5 of his new monkey rings! To enter, email win@threethousand.com.au with the subject ‘when is the best time to eavesdrop on the weirdos?'
Once upon a time there was a little shop in the Degraves Street Subway named Corky Saint Clair. This shop was living out life in moderate peace, with exceptions from the hippies who wanted to touch all of the glittering jewels and play in the water feature, as well as the middle aged women sharing a bit too much personal information with shop owner Christopher Bril. Then, on March 21st 2008, the construction work above Corky's caused a tonne of cement to fall through the ceiling and crush half of the shop.
But now things are finally operating at full power again. The shop has gone through a bit of an overhaul because much of what Chris had collected over the years was destroyed. There are new things popping up all the time though, and it's still a destination for homewares, gifts, and Christopher's own clothing label. Oh and the hippies and middle-aged women still come in to share their grossly private details: some things you can't destroy even with gravity and one tonne of cement.
Launch:
Shop relaunch party Fri May 1, 5-11pm
Location: CBD
Product Type: Concept
Keywords: Corky Saint Clair, Degraves Street Subway, Gifts
Hatsumi's Laundry
It could be the bedroom-eyed babe (lying around her empty apartment in ruched underwear, knotted shirts or no shirt at all) that makes Hatsumi's Laundry so appealing. It could also be the fact that designer Jemma Aickin recruited fellow Melbourne-based photographer Paul Barbera to take the naturally inviting pictures of said babe.
However, we know that it's the carefully-stitched angel wings, giant bows on butts, love-heart cut-outs and hand-sewn buttons and beads that elevate these intimates above the average cottontail.
Knickers are custom-made from a sheer, light-weight cotton voile or baby muslin. These fabrics feel soft against the skin, while elastic shirring flirts with naked curves. Home viewings available via invitation.
Location: Online
Price: $10 - $100
Product Type: Clothes
Geelong Waterfront Skatepark
What:
Geelong Waterfront Skatepark
Where:
Geelong waterfront - west of Cunningham pier
When:
All the time
How much:
Free!
Throughout the nineties, it seemed the council paid a team of concerned pensioners and aggressive motocross riders to design all the skateparks. Everything was either impossibly bland or totally ‘extreme', never managing to rival the attraction of exploring the city streets.
That was then, this is now - the era of the skate plaza. They've been building these things for a while now, complete with ‘real street' features such as ledges and stairs, but rarely replicating the ambience of a real street environment. There's never enough space, or shade, or imagination involved. They all feel a bit staged.
Well, they've cracked it with this one. The Geelong Waterfront park actually looks and feels like a street spot, one that's too good to be true. The design and accompanying landscaping is reminiscent of Embarcadero plaza in San Francisco, the most hallowed grounds in street skateboarding.
An especially innovative feature is an iPod jack that broadcasts your music through speakers placed strategically all over the park. The whole thing is amazing - I can't fault it, really. It has to be the best street plaza in Victoria, if not Australia.
Ambience: Sports
Location: Urban
Pearl Oyster
What:
Pearl Oyster
Where:
114 Miller St, Thornbury
When:
Daily noon-3pm, 6.30pm-11pm
Contact:
9480 2500
When not lending their respective gossamer vocals and mad drum skills to the quickening strains of Rise and Demise, Ange and Phil are to be found in the heart of Thornbury, a mere hop and skip from stop 37 on the 112 tram, dishing up toothsome eats that laugh in the face of standard cafe fare.
There's the almond granola with vanilla yoghurt, spiced apple and berry compote, a cloak and dagger family recipe of Ange's. Poached eggs come lean and green, with dukkah, avocado, and pomegranate molasses drizzled over wilted spinach and labneh. Or with a little Pearl Oyster tweak - with house-cured salmon, avocado, Jap mayo, lime, herb salad and pickled ginger. From 2 o'clock they serve steamed pork or custard buns, coaxing in all and sundry with the whiff of afternoon delight.
If you don't eat food, then come and see Phil's beautifully handcrafted wooden tables, the handy bag hooks under the counters, the menus hidden amongst the pages of hand-illustrated colonial geography books, or the lone pair of vintage roller skates hanging upon the wall. It is well worth a northeasterly amble.
Location: North East
Venue Type: Bar
More OUTS - April 30
What:
More OUTS - April 30
Where:
On the site right now!
Description:
How Fine The Air exhibition launch tonight! Chick takes over offices in Docklands for launch. Finally, free drinks on the westside.
Bachelor of Arts have a new 7". Honours thesis not yet finished.
Orisha: Her music is haunting, her voice is calming, her album is launching.
Bag Raiders decide to return from the US. Bring 'fun-punch' concept with them.
Dextrous and Truth play HEAVY INNIT!!
Bill Frisell rewards all the jazz fans who survived '80s fusion and still paid $85 for a ticket to his show
Noise restrictions have been lifted at The Empress! In your face: North Fitzroy. Songs, The Twerps and Jon Michell loud.
Keywords: More OUTs
'Alone, But Not Lonely' exhibition launch
What:
Alone, But Not Lonely exhibition launch
Where:
Lamington Drive, 89 George St, Fitzroy
When:
TONIGHT! Thurs April 30, 6-9pm
How much:
Free!
Description:
To celebrate Andrea Innocent's first solo show, Jeremy 'Bucket' Wortsman has announced he'll be serving mulled wine at the launch tonight. That is the only reason. He would never serve mulled wine just to meet the ladies. Andrea Innocent doesn't care anyway. She brings her own sake everywhere she goes because she is OBSESSED WITH JAPAN. Check it out, her work is influenced by ukiyo-e, manga, steampunk and Shin Hanga. - Us
Keywords: Illustration, Lamington Drive
1995: The Party
What:
1995: The Party
Where:
La Di Da, 577 Lt Bourke St, Melbourne
When:
Fri May 1, doors 10pm
How much:
$7 or $5 on guestlist
Description:
Everyone seems to be nostalgiafying the ‘90s recently. But we are not complainafying. This party looks perfect. With a flier featuring Clueless, Michael and Janet, Tupac, Biggie, and Oasis vs Blur...it promises to cover all the bases. DJs Boring, GLOVES, Grouse Party, Team Opulent, Young Steezy, and Wooshie will be controlling your flashbacks. Get on the guestlist and, as they say on the invite, "PARTY HARD & CRY 4 KURT."No cargo pants. - PC
Beck's Berlin Sessions 2009
What:
Beck's Berlin Sessions 2009
Where:
Prince Bandroom, 29 Fitzroy St, St Kilda
When:
Fri May 1, doors 9pm
How much:
Tickets $30 from here
Win:
Thanks to a guy called Chad, we have a dbl pass to give away! To enter email win@threethousand.com.au with the subject line ‘The Low Ten Thousands always features the same wurst shop, ich hasse ihre'
Description:
We're not sure if there's an e-newsletter like ours in Berlin yet but if there was to be then we have its name - 10001-14199, more colloquially known as the The Low TenThousands. TLTT would no doubt feature Berlin locals Justus Köhncke (Kompakt), Stimming (Diynamic) and Marcus Worgull (Innervisions) on a regular basis because of their world-class DJ and production skills. To show off the Berlin underground they're turning The Prince into a mini festival, hosting some of the best club music you'll hear this side of zone 14199. - GK and PM
Keywords: minimal, Club, The Prince Bandroom, Berlin
KAWS t-shirt launch party
!EVENT CANCELLED!
What:
KAWS t-shirt launch party
Where:
The Heist, 33 Little Latrobe St, Melbourne
When:
Fri May 1, 6.30-9pm
How much:
Free!
!EVENT CANCELLED!
Description:
New York-based artist and designer of limited-edition toys and clothing, KAWS, blurs the line between fine art and mass-produced merchandise. Ever exclusive, KAWS has produced a tee that celebrates a collaborative project in which a gaggle of artists were selected to 'rework' a Supercosta track bike and a Cinelli bike. This party is to celebrate the tee that celebrates the bike. Got it? - SN
Laughing Clowns with Nels Cline
What:
Laughing Clowns with Nels Cline
Where:
The Forum, cnr Flinders and Russell Sts, Melbourne
When:
Fri May 1, doors 8.30pm
How much:
$35/$42 from here
Description:
There is too much to say about this show for this tiny little entry, so let's make it quick. Laughing Clowns, the legendary post-punk jazzers led by Ed Kuepper from The Saints, are reuniting for a fucking legendary show. Nels Cline from Wilco is opening and he's a goddamned genius these days and has worked on avant-garde, jazz, noise, country, and rock projects with the likes of Thurston Moore, John Zorn, and Charlie Haden. You'd be a complete idiot to miss this. Idiot. - PC
Keywords: The Forum, Laughing Clowns, Ed Kuepper, Jazz
Matt & Kim (USA) with Spod and Lindsey Low Hand
What:
Matt & Kim (USA) with Spod and Lindsey Low Hand
Where:
The Evelyn, 351 Brunswick St, Fitzroy
When:
Fri May 1, doors 9pm
How much:
$20 +BF here
Win:
Being a co-presenter. Ahem *buffs nails* we have 2 dbls to give away!! To enter email win@threethouand.com.au with the subject line 'I would fully take my clothes off in Times Square for a ticket'
Description:
When Spod is in town, you have a pretty good idea what the headlining act is going to involve. (Crazy dancing and sing-a-longs. Jeez, do you read that thing that comes out every week? It's called ThreeThousand. Kind of sucks, but they have prizes). Anyway, Matt & Kim will be no exception. There will be kids jumping up and down, screaming the lyrics, climbing the stage tresses and going insane. Watch out, Wiggles, you ain't all that. If this is not your scene, you can stay at home and watch Matt & Kim strip in Union Square, but I wouldn't recommend it. - PC
Keywords: Fitzroy, The Evelyn, Matt and Kim
Nick Devlin Portrait series #4: 33 1/3
What:
Nick Devlin Portrait series #4: 33 1/3
Where:
Hell Gallery, 5a Railway Pl, Richmond (behind Coles on Swan St)
When:
Fri May 1, 6pm-late
How much:
Free!
Description:
We didn't tell you about the launch at Hell last week. This was not because the artist dresses as Kenny Rogers and gets his wang out, but because we forgot. This is not because we are stressed, but because we are on drugs. Anyway, lucky for you, if not Kenny's pecker, there's another launch at Hell tomorrow! It's Nick Devlin's portraits of 33 and a third celebrities. He's got Nick Cave and plenty of the old favourites. A Beckett-like game that blurs the line between fame and its followers, but never a good time and and old guy's penis. - PM
Keywords: Hell Gallery, Richmond
Sneaker Freaker Issue 15 launch party
What:
Sneaker Freaker Issue 15 launch party
Where:
Revolver, 229 Chapel St, Prahran
When:
Fri May 1, 7pm
How much:
Free!
Description:
Another A5-sized bible of sneakerlicious editorial and pics will soon be out there for consumption. To celebrate its creation the Sneaker Freaker crew are throwing a party fatter than the shell-toes on your Adidas Superstars. Giveaways and doorprizes are on the cards, as our DJs Hans DC and M.A.F.I.A. - SN
Keywords: Revolver, Sneaker Freaker
Sun Ra: Space is the Place
What:
Sun Ra: Space is the Place
Where:
ACMI Cinemas, Fed Square
When:
Fri May 1, 9.15pm
How much:
$10/$13 from here
Description:
Sun Ra: mad as a brush. Loopy as a knitted jumper. But apart from that, he was a member of the 'Angel Race' and born on Saturn. He developed a bunch of cosmic philosophies and lyrical poetry that made him a pioneer of Afrofuturism. So, you know, he wasn't all bad. This is a documentary he made in 1974 about how he once landed on a new planet with his crew, The Arkestra, and decided to re-settle all African Americans there. The medium of transportation he chose was music. He travelled back in time to the Chicago strip club where he used to play piano under the name Sonny Ray in 1943. There he confronted a pimp-overlord, and they agreed on a duel at cards to decide the fate of the Black race. How has documentary gone so far downhill since the '70s? - PM
Texta Fight at Fashion Keyboard
What:
Texta Fight at Fashion Keyboard
Where:
Upper Levels, 189 Lonsdale St, Melbourne
When:
Fri May 1, 9pm
How much:
Free!
Description:
The rules:
1. BYO textas
2. Wear old clothes
3. Deface each other
(4. Do not talk about Texta Fight. Hehe.) - SN
Keywords: Art, Fashion Keyboard, Streetparty
Vampillia (Japan) triple gig
What:
Vampillia (Japan) triple gig
Where:
Fri May 1, Public Bar, 238 Victoria St, Nth Melbourne, 9pm, $6.
Sat May 2, Pony, 68 Little Collins St, Melbourne, the 2am slot.
Sun May 3, The Tote, 71 Johnston St, Collingwood
Hello Sailor Vintage Fair
What:
Hello Sailor Vintage Fair - Bumper Edition!
Where:
The Carlton Hotel, 197 Bourke St, Melbourne
When:
Sat May 2 and Sun May 3, 1-6pm
How much:
You decide, tight wad
Description:
Everyone bums a Fair. What you need to know: two days, two levels, and two different sets of stock. And it starts on the second day of May. Weeeeird. Come for quality clothes, cameras, shoes, vinyls and so much more. There'll also be DJs, drink specials and a BBQ starting from 2pm. Twice! - MS
Keywords: Sale, Vintage, The Carlton Hotel
Last ever Sweet Jelly Roll!
What:
Last ever Sweet Jelly Roll!
Where:
The Order of Melbourne, Lvl 2, 401 Swanston St, Melbourne
When:
Sat May 2, 7pm-3am
How much:
$20 on the door or $15 on guestlist
Description:
Do not even THINK about going to this party until you have watched this clip. Now, wipe away the tears, put on your jazz funeral veil and prepare to dance the night away to jump blues and western swing one last time, as Sweet Jelly Roll departs this life with help from a ten-piece doo-wop band and fine, fine outfits. Mourners will include: The Snowdroppers (Sydney), Clairy Baby Browne & the Banging Rackettes, Sarah Lea Cheesecake, Les Trois Femmes in Paint Her Black, and Kelly Ann Doll in Swan Song. RIP. - SN
Keywords: Sweet Jelly Roll, New Orleans, The Order of Melbourne
Spill Party II at The Future Cave
What:
Spill Party II at The Future Cave
Where:
286 Albert St, Brunswick
When:
Sat May 2, doors 8pm
How much:
$7 on the door
Description:
'Spill' formed over much wine and microwave naan in late 2007. The art collective's first party was suitably crazy, and the same level of craziness is anticipated for their second. Naturally there'll be bands (Talkshow Boy) and DJs (Desktop Pop) but in our opinion, the highlight will be the Real Hot Bitches Dance Troupe. Because they will bring it. Yeh...bring it. - US
PS: It's BYO. But no glass, otherwise we'll be watching the somewhat less humourous Real Cut Bitches.
Eamo is Australian down to the dead centre. He loves Bubble O Bills and Red Rooster. His illustrations embody Australiania from the ‘80s and forge an identity that is everything your fathers wanted you to grow up as: someone who loves footy, surfing, Toohey's, and the BBQ. But the best thing is that the true Eamo hated athletics day and is an artist - exactly what every bogan father dreads. You've probably seen his work already, whether it was for Golden Plains, Red Bull Music Academy, or Playboy (you perv).
Eamo's illustrations pretty much evoke your childhood from Expo '88 onwards, and he has an online milkbar shop where you can buy your memories back. On a clock, for instance. Or on magnets, wallets, prints, and stubby holders. But don't delay. Everything in the milkbar is disappearing faster than an Icypole down Marty Monster's pants at a BMX rally. We have a deluxe Eamo esky pack to give away! To enter, just answer the following question:
This week's question:
Marty Monster was
a) Always second best in a kangaroo fight
b) The Mr Hyde to Martin Sheen's Dr Jekkyl
c) Not Darryl Cotton's friend in real life
d) At The Prince last Friday I think
Send your answer, name and mailing address to win@threethousand.com.au. Winners will be notified by email. Subscriber-only entry! Not a subscriber? Oh nooooes! Sign up here.
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