Thursday 16th April
We spent this week undercover, you probably didn't notice us because we had a different hairstyle. It's pretty cool having another identity and we met a few other people leading double lives - a writer who pretends to be a shopkeeper, a black and white photographer pretending to be a colour photographer, Satan, etc. We also sent a message from the past and found some Buffalo Wings at last.
ThreeThousand 201 - undercover
Also on the site right now:
STREET - ThreeThousand issue 200 drinks!
HEAR - Rach interviews Matt + Kim! Ticket giveaway too
OUT - School of Seven Bells giveaway!
WATCH - Our first ever game review, 50 Cent: Blood on the Sand. (It begiiins...)
Cover image by Nat Nikitovic. If you would like to submit a covershot that would be so rad! Email photo@threethousand.com.au.
The Universe Of Keith Haring
What:
The Universe Of Keith Haring
Where:
Out this week on DVD through Madman
Watch the trailer:
Here
Win:
Thanks to Madman, we have a DVD to give away! To enter, email win@threethousand.com.au with the subject line 'Art is for everyone!'
On the corner of Russell and Little Lonsdale Streets is an 'art' shop where you'll find wonky approximations of New York artist Keith Haring's signature 'Radiant Baby' silhouettes and black-and-white line work. What made this influential 1980s art star's ostensibly simple paintings so much better than any lame rip-offs? Christina Clausen's biodoc leaves us to figure that one out for ourselves.
Instead, the film celebrates New York's much-celebrated '70s and '80s underground culture. Haring's 'universe' encompassed collaboration with musicians and dancers, nightclubbing and many public murals. (The film includes two in Melbourne: at Collingwood Tech and the NGV water wall.) There are interviews and archival footage of Haring's family and friends, who included Madonna, Junior Vasquez, David LaChapelle, Andy Warhol and Yoko Ono.
I found myself musing sadly on what Haring might have produced had he not died of AIDS in 1990 at just 31. He comes across as lovely and generous - the kind of guy you wish was your friend. The best scenes show him painting in bold, assured lines, without preliminary sketches, never making mistakes. Here was a truly exceptional talent that seems easy to copy, but is impossible to match.
Format: DVD
Mood: Nostalgic
Keywords: America, Street Art, Keith Haring
Heavy Profession
What:
Heavy Profession
Who:
St Helens
On:
Dot-Dash / Remote Control
Related links:
MySpace, interview at Triple J
Launch:
May 30 at Northcote Social Club with Panel of Judges, Circle Pit and DJ Ann Ominous, $10
Heavy Profession is a rock record proper, Romantic and drunk on poetic absolutes like all good bleeding heart music should be. Everyday realities - friendships, money, street hassle, the weather, love - come into it, but always drawn through leader Jarrod Quarrell's particular prism of desire and dreams; his classic outcast's vision making over the real world in boundless emotion, euphoria and uncertainty. It's this vision - grounded in the sincerity of Quarrell's oblique storytelling - that makes a lasting impression on St Helens' debut album, aside from the band's class playing and inspired, sequined bones-type arrangements.
Putting abstract pleasure or 'kicks' before everything is the songwriter's 'heavy profession' and Quarrell's permanent predicament, here, for better or worse in reality. Both sides run parallel in standout song 'Coffin Scratch', with its swing from claustrophobic, here-and-now degradations in the verse to a weightless, sovereign feeling and wiping-out of anxiety in the break. The same duality finds voice in Hannah Brooks' ever-present shadow vocal too, never harmonising but simply double-tracking Quarrell's sentiments like the lovelorn flip of everything he describes. Sanctified, blood-and-mercy strength music for modern wandering Jews.
Release: Album
To Cure: Hypertension
Keywords: St Helens
The Satanic Bible
What:
The Satanic Bible
Where:
Polyester Books, 330 Brunswick St, Fitzroy
How much:
AUD $19.95
Event:
This Friday nightat Jason's flat
Black mass. This Friday night. My flat.
I love a black mass! The candles, the chanting, the naked ladies dancing about with their unkempt pubic regions going in and out of focus, it's awesome! And there's only one thing better than attending a black mass, and that's hosting a black mass! It's like directing a pornographic train-wreck from behind a goat mask: "You! Kill that puppy, wring it's blood into this goblet and get the bloke with the fogged up glasses to drink it. HAHAHAHA! Now, you! Take a crap in the microwave and set it on high for 30 minutes. HAHAHAHA!" Excellent!
But the best part of hosting your own black mass is at some point all your guests have to line up single-file and one by one kiss your arse! And not a quick peck on the cheek either, it's a proper, gag-inducing salad-toss! I'm not even kidding. It says so in The Satanic Bible by Anton Szandor LaVey! Anton was the founder and High Priest of the Church of Satan. He also tried to kill Flash Gordon a couple of times. Anton's dead and gone now, but his unholy legacy lives on...
THIS FRIDAY NIGHT AT MY FLAT! See you there. Heil Satan.
Format: Book
Motivation: Improve your dinner conversation
Telegram Stop
OH HERRO -(STOP)- I WON'T BE IN AT WORK BECAUSE I HAVE TRAVELLED BACK IN TIME -(STOP)- STOP CALLING ME -(STOP)- I CAN'T PICK UP BECAUSE THE SATELLITES DON'T SEND SIGNALS THROUGH SPACE TIME -(STOP)- (ONLY SPACE) -(STOP) - I WOULD SUBMIT THE REPORT TODAY BUT THEY DON'T HAVE EMAIL YET -(STOP)- HEY I HAVE BOUGHT 600 IBM SHARES SO IF YOU COVER FOR ME I WILL GIVE YOU ONE MILLION DOLLARS WHEN I GET BACK -(STOP)- PENNY -(STOP)-
Telegrams are back! This is huge. Just type the message in the box, preview and pay. Now your messages both local and international will be treated with the respect a yellow envelope deserves. Impress your colleagues! Avoid ugly reply-alls! Get out of weddings the classy way.
LYRICS IDEA -(STOP)- OH YOU'D BETTER -(STOP)- BEFORE YOU TEAR ME ALL APART YOU'D BETTER -(STOP)- BEFORE YOU GO AND BREAK MY HEART OOOH YOU'D BETTER -(STOP)- SAM BROWN
Product: Objects
Theft: Theft is unlikely: everyone already has one
Keywords: Stationery
John Citizen
John Bailey has himself a nice little setup. Not only is he a successful writer, he now spends the time that he would normally be locked in his house, banging his head against the desk and praying for inspiration, in a much nicer way. With the door open to Brunswick Street and goods to sell, the minor interruptions of customers are a small price to pay when you get to be shopgirl (boy), writer, and kitty cat owner all in the same workday.
The shop seeps creativity, and that's part of the point. John says that you don't need much to make a shop, just time and imagination. This philosophy combined with a few late column submissions, has manifested itself in amazing clothes racks made from 2kms of twine, a hanging dressing room made of paper, and piles of quality stock. With good vintage clothes for men and women, handmade stuff and found treasures littering his office/shop, we doubt John's slogan BUY SOMETHING OR GET OUT gets used that much.
Image:
By Proud Mother
Product: Everything
Anatomy: Whole body
Keywords: Vintage, Fashion, John Bailey, North Fitzroy
After the Breadcrumbs, Christopher Day
What:
After the Breadcrumbs, Christopher Day
Where:
Utopian Slumps, 25 Easey St, Collingwood
When:
Opening Fri Apr 17, 6-9pm. Exhibition runs until May 2.
Related links:
Surprise Tough Times [Serps Press, 2006], Please wake me for meals [Serps Zine, 2008]
For this exhibition, Melbourne photographer Christopher Day has willingly let himself be lured into the candy trap of colour photography. Though After the Breadcrumbs is an excursion from his black and white work, his motifs - Kingswood cars, wilting plants and suburban brickwork etcetera - make this CMYK world recognisable yet unfamiliar. Like the house that enticed Hansel and Gretel, the form is the same but the feelings it creates are not easily controlled.
In After the Breadcrumbs, Christopher Day creates an atmosphere made up of moments, where the colour creates imaginary paths between objects until it finally draws you in. But these are the moments we live for, right? When the strength of our desire to return home is exactly what keeps us moving forward, scared but craving the sugar-coated potential lying on the path ahead. And, as we make the transition from licking our fingers to licking our wounds, we learn that there is such a thing as a healthy distrust.
Image:
Untitled (Kingswood), courtesy Christopher Day and Utopian Slumps.
Medium: Photography
Drink: Long neck in a paper bag
Keywords: The Serps, Utopian Slumps, Christopher Day
Mountain Fold Music Journal
What:
Mountain Fold Music Journal
Who:
Edited by Douglas Lance Gibson
Where:
Fat, Metropolis, Missing Link, Title
How much:
Free!
It's nice to read something that you can hold in your hands; a tangible object to keep and savour rather than a quick snippet found on the net (ahem). It's extra nice if that object happens to be full of interviews, art and ideas from some of the most interesting musicians around. And it's super-brilliant if it happens to be printed on beautiful stock and cost you absolutely nothing. Mountain Fold Music Journal, the brainchild of Sydney music lover Douglas Gibson, is just such an object.
Issue one includes interviews with Beaches, Eddy Current Suppression Ring, Fabulous Diamonds, Naked On The Vague, Songs and Michael Rother. It also includes a cover by Stefan Marx and a double page spread curated by each musician, showcasing their art, photography, writing and more. The independent journal is only published quarterly, so tear your eyes away from this darn snippet and go get one.
Format: Magazine
Motivation: Cancel all plans
Keywords: Literature, Music, Free
Buffalo Wings
What:
Buffalo Wings
Where:
The Getrude Hotel, 148 Gertrude St, Fitzroy
When:
7 days, lunch and dinner
How much:
Only $6 a pound on 'Wing Wednesdays'
Contact:
9419 2823
My late Aunt Flora, God rest her soul, was a real woman. A woman who publicly ate chicken in the same way the Native Americans utilized the Buffalo. No piece of skin, meat, or gristle went unconsumed. This extended even to the marrow, which she would suck out in a strangely methodical fashion, an act which has forever impressed upon me that unless your meal concludes with a pile of wrecked bones in a purpose-built wooden bowl accompanied by a hand-i-wipe, well, then it wasn't a real meal.
Enter the humble buffalo wing. A delicacy once relegated to the fine dining establishment known as Hooters has finally taken up residence down under. The Gertrude Hotel serves up a pound of these babies (10 wings), covered in your choice of sauces and a side of ranch dressing. And after searching near and far for over seven years, I can say they seem to be the only place that's got it right.
Don't be fooled by the name on the menu though, 'Canadian-style' wings. Even though the wing has no less than four mysterious origin stories, everyone knows that these were basically invented in Buffalo, New York. Plus, what's more American than a meal that concludes with a bowl of skeletons? It's basically the polar opposite of a Famous Bowl. Aunt Flora would be proud.
Venue: Hotel
Meal: Lunch and dinner
MORE OUTS! - April 16
What:
MORE OUTS!
Where:
On the site right now!
Description:
School of Seven Bells GIVEAWAY! They're playing NEXT WEEK!
Taxi Music Festival is free! But you have to get a cab to the Mt Dandenong Tourist Rd...
Dappled Cities return and play with Hot Little Hands! They have not lost their good taste.
World's End Press with The Harpoons and The Rackets. Like a Happy Mondays disco but with cowboy hats and glowsticks.
Apocalypse Ahoy! Brunswick Bound closes its gallery. Many will die of cake overdose.
Shangri La Party launch at the Workers Club! If it's a party Renaissance then our Da Vinci is Bromance.
Event: Rock opera
Stimulus: Do-rags and baggy get ups
Keywords: More OUTs
Fight or Flight installation launch
What:
Fight or Flight installation launch
Where:
West Space, Lvl 1, 15-19 Anthony St, Melbourne
When:
Thurs Apr 16, 6-8pm
How much:
Free!
Description:
Everyone! It's an installation from Tai Snaith that visually examines the innate responses amongst humans and animals in times of absurdity, desperation and utter confusion! Pretty much, she just took pictures on the 86 Tram. JUST KIDDING. This is way better and weirder than that. And you know how seriously Tai takes launch refreshments. - Us
Event: Exhibition
Stimulus: crazy
Keywords: Tai Snaith, Art, West Space
Grey Matters group exhibition launch
What:
Grey Matters group exhibition launch
Where:
The Carlton Hotel & Studios, 193 Bourke St, Melbourne
When:
Launching Thurs Apr 16, 6-9.30pm
Exhibition runs until April 23, 4-7pm daily.
How much:
Free!
Description:
A group exhibition of black and white painting, illustration, photography and video from Melbourne and Sydney artists. No colour here. Colour is O.U.T. It is like a Trinny and Susannah backlash. It's like the TV your parents had before they upgraded for the Royal Wedding. The show includes work by tattoo artists, graffiti artists, zine publishers, and many of The Serps crew are involved so you can expect quality. Summary for launch sluts: Emillionz is DJing. - Us.
Event: Exhibition
Stimulus: Culture
Keywords: Art, The Serps, The Carlton Hotel
Juarez Revontulet CD Launch with Aux Assembly, James Rushford and Joe Talia and Dead Boomers
What:
Juarez Revontulet CD Launch with Aux Assembly, James Rushford and Joe Talia and Dead Boomers
Where:
Gulag Projects, 6 Jenkins St, East Brunswick
When:
Thurs Apr 16 doors 8pm
How much:
$5
Description:
Sabbatical Records' belated launch show for solo cold-noise artist, Juarez's album from last year, Revontulet, is tonight - and if expiration sounds of slavering lust-noise tempered by the slightest of light's your thing then Get. Thee. Hence. Nightmarish and riven with sexual weirdness, Jess Pinney sounds like PJ Harvey would after 24 years locked in Fritzl's basement - i.e. more convincing, with more shrieks, and far better. Appearing with Sabbatical alumni Dead Boomers and Aux Assembly, plus new duo James Rushford and Joe Talia. - Us.
Event: Bands
Stimulus: C
Keywords: Music, Noise, Sabbatical
Royal Derby Country Club
What:
Royal Derby Country Club
Where:
The Royal Derby Hotel, cnr Brunwick St and Alexandra Pde, Fitzroy
When:
Thurs Apr 16, 9pm
How much:
$5 or free if in country club attire
Description:
"Ha! That Bernie Madoff better not be coming, he has thoroughly bankrupted us. We have had to sell the yacht, what a bore. What's that? You would like to join the country club? Well, no-one gets in unless they have a recommendation from Graham, and you know what that means. Ho ho, yes. I'm sure you can handle losing a few golf games, but what will your wife say to the other thing? Graham's no spring chicken anymore, as you're well aware." Want to join the country club without pimping your lady out to a pair of aged testicles? Join Streetparty's soiree at the Royal Derby. There you shall find $10 jugs of Pimms and ginger, and Country Club Lager on tap. And Monsieur Waters playing the stereo with his Ivy League pals, showing us the upside of the Upper East Side. - PM
Event: Party
Stimulus: Culture
Keywords: Streetparty
Anytime Place presents the Anytime Saloon warehouse party
What:
Anytime Place presents the Anytime Saloon warehouse party
Where:
20 Ovens St, Brunswick
When:
Fri Apr 17, doors 8pm
How much:
$10 (password is 'Don't Shoot!')
Description:
Western swing, '50s shakedown, hillbilly jazz and busted boogie blues live! Real swingin' saloon doors and a drunk piano man. Pompey, go find Doc Willoughby, this party looks pretty good. Pops and the Murdered Birds, Steph Brett and the Dreamland Band, Dove and the Juniper Patch, Andy Baylor's Dancehall Raconteurs and Gasoline Stew and the Dump! Sure, you've never heard of any of these guys, but neither has Liberty Valance, and he paid $10 to get in so what's your problem. Dress code: Up. Password: Don't Shoot! - PM
Event: Party
Stimulus: C
Bamboo Musik party
What:
Bamboo Musik party
Where:
Upper floor, The Mercat, 456 Queen St, Melbourne
When:
Fri Apr 17, 10pm - very late (cheap sangria early)
How much:
$12 or $9 on guestlist
Related links:
Listen to the Bamboo Musik Mini Mix by Roman Wafers
Description:
Many great things are born out of boredom. Like Bamboo Musik, the new monthly night that was conceived at a crappy house party and is destined to fill the mid-month slump that's currently affecting Melbourne. At Bamboo Musik you can expect a decorated dancefloor, relaxing lounge atmosphere early, large windows for natural sunrise light, resort style balcony area, professional DJs Roman Wafers, Dick Cheese, Hysteric, Sweat and a live midnight performance by Alex Akers. In the coming months you can also expect special guests from Japan and the US to extend this exciting dance journey. - CB
Event: Music + art
Stimulus: Hana Shimada
Risky Business launch
What:
Risky Business launch
Where:
Alia, Lvl 1, 83-87 Smith St, Fitzroy
When:
Fri Apr 17, 9pm-4am. Then every Friday!
How much:
Free!
Description:
Dave Chestwig is starting a new night with Luke McD, Jean Pierre, BROmance, Leslie Salvador and more. And if he can't bring back what we loved about Alia in 1998 then our youth really is over. And we will go ahead and get a real job. Oh please Dave. Bring us the risky house party jams. We'll bring you the love. And $20 to get a cab back to our parents house before 1am. Do you want to get with my friend? - PM
Event: DJs
Stimulus: Nostalgia
Betty Harris (USA) with The Bamboos
What:
Betty Harris (USA) with The Bamboos
Where:
The Corner Hotel, 57 Swan St, Richmond
When:
Sat Apr 18, doors 8.30pm
How much:
$42.80 from here
Description:
If you think about it, this show doesn't really cost $42.80, it costs one cent per tear of pure New Orleans deep soul joy. And Betty Harris isn't really 70 years old, she's 613,200 hours of entertainment in the body of a lady. Supporting DJs include Mohair Slim, Miss Goldie, and Pierre Baroni. Even if this ticket cost you $1000, you'd basically be making a profit. - PM
Event: Bands
Stimulus: Fame
Keywords: The Corner
Pikelet farewell show with Grand Salvo and Extreme Wheeze
What:
Pikelet farewell show with Grand Salvo and Extreme Wheeze
Where:
Thornbury Theatre, 859 High St, Thornbury
When:
Sat Apr 18, doors 7pm
How much:
$12 + BF from here or $16 on door
Description:
Evelyn Morris from Pikelet has it all figured out. She is skipping the Melbourne winter and is instead touring through the US and UK summer. That means two consecutive summers. Lucky bitch. But before Pikelet and her four piece jet off they are playing a farewell show at the Thornbury. And testing out their new merch where the currency is weak. Eco-friendly Pikelet-designed shopping bags only $12 each! Cheaper than a London garbage bag, priceless to us. Come back soon Pikelet! You whore. - Us.
Event: Bands
Stimulus: Love
Keywords: Pikelet, Thornbury Theatre
Polyester Records Charity Day
What:
Polyester Records Charity Day
Where:
Polyester Records, 288 Flinders Ln, Melbourne
Polyester Records, 387 Brunswick St, Fitzroy
When:
Sat Apr 18, 10am-6pm
How much:
You decide, tight wad
Description:
This Saturday would be a great day to go record shopping because not only will it be International Record Store Day, and Polyester are donating 20% of all CD/DVD/vinyl sales to the Cancer Council, Victoria...but also they will have super special guests helping behind the counter. Since the hipster chap with thick glasses will be taking the day off, that means you might even impress someone with your musical depth. You don't know about The Fugs Zemiro? Well maybe I should host RocKwiz! No wait... that sounds horrible, you can keep your job I'll just be a snob. - PC
Event: Rally
Stimulus: Love
Post-Rock is Dead
What:
Post-Rock is Dead featuring Qua, Because of Ghosts, This is Your Captain Speaking, Sunwrae, and Lakes of Russia
Where:
The Corner, 57 Swan St, Richmond
When:
Sun Apr 19, doors 2.30pm
How much:
$14 +BF from here or $17 on the door
Description:
Post-rock. ‘It's kind of like rock music but not really as straightforward, ya know?' No, we don't, but we understand no one has any fucking clue what you're talking about because the genre is arbitrary, loose, and ill conceived. Zing! That's the point of this party though. While all of the bands on the lineup have at one point or another been under the post-rock umbrella, this party is trying to break the mold and ditch the term forever. Just call it experimental rock from now on, because, really, what is it? Post-nothing. - PC
Event: Bands & DJs
Stimulus: Nostalgia
Keywords: QUA
The Datsuns at Cherry Rock
What:
The Datsuns at Cherry Rock
Where:
ACDC Lane, Melbourne
When:
Sun Apr 19, 12-9pm
How much:
$50 from here
Description:
One time my friend Jason discovered this doorway behind the red curtain at Cherry and he went back there, but the door was a one-way door! It wouldn't open! He was behind there banging and shouting as people were dancing and pashing, and the rock 'n' roll was playing. He's probably still there, I didn't see him when we left. He's sitting in a pile of his own excrement thinking to himself, well at least Cherry Rock is coming up, I can listen through the wall again. And I'm saving $50 big ones on a ticket, hahaa! Imagine how excited he'll be when he realises The Datsuns are headlining in their only Australian show. He'll stop scratching his sores for a minute, sit back and just smile. Plus 6 Ft Hick, Hell City Glamours, Neon, Dynamo and Mammoth Mammoth, hosted by MC James 'Hound Dog' Young (James, if you read this, check backstage.) - PM
Event: Festival
Stimulus: The real live world
Keywords: Cherry, The Datsuns, ACDC Lane
The List Operators
What:
The List Operators
Where:
Melbourne Town Hall (The Lunch Room), 207 Collins St, Melbourne
When:
April 2-26, Tues-Sat 9.30pm, Sun 8.30pm
How much:
$15/$18 or $13 for everyone on a Tuesday, from here
Description:
Ten things to do if you have the funniest show in the comedy festival:
1. Change your name from Richard Higgins to Richard Bigguns
2. Change your name from Matt Kelly to Woah Nelly
3. Strut about
4. Eat as many beans as you want
5. Blank Judith Lucy at the club just like Kanye at the Grammys
6. Really try to get off the junk this time
7. Roll around in cash
8. Make a list of your enemies
9. Try to get your photo taken with Daniel Kitson's beard
10. Call up head office and tell them "This Festival is a JOKE."
Go see it. Not shit. Guaranteed. - PM
Event: Performance
Stimulus: Screams
Keywords: Comedy
We all have a friend whose apathy, whose chillaxability, whose very whatevs attitude makes the world a better place. Sometimes, that friend is an egg. Sometimes, it is a tattoo of an egg. For us though, that friend is a little asshole called Chuck.
It was a regular day at the office. We were avoiding calls from the ATO, rounding up street kids to write the OUTs, getting from one $20 hit to the next, when a package arrived. In it was a guy whose fuck-it demeanor was summed up in his hairstyle, and ingested through an endless supply of Chupa Chups.
Immediately, we knew everything would be okay. Chuck had come on a mission to stop everyone being an uptight freak and you can check out his work here. We're telling you about this now because Chuck has done his time with us. He needs to move on like the Pied Piper of who-gives-a-crap, and we need to find him a new buddy. If you would like to apply, just answer the following question:
This week's question:
Chuck is
a) a puppet on a mission
b) also unflappable
c) my brother, Jesus we were wondering what happened to him. Freak.
d) slightly soiled, but I won't write a complaint email
Send your answer, name and mailing address to win@threethousand.com.au. Winners will be notified by email. Subscriber only entry! Not a subscriber? oh NOOOOES! Sign up here.
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