Thursday 9th April
Four years ago, two brothers who didn't know anyone, or anything about Melbourne, or DJing, or not putting on a 90210-themed party at Murmur, started an eNewsletter called ThreeThousand. And their Mum loved it, even though she didn't really think email would catch on. Since then, it has grown into the html monster you see before you, with a website that has a menu and moving pictures. It has sixteen writers instead of two, twenty STREET pics instead of four, and prizes more expensive than a warm slab. Thanks for having us in your inbox 200 times.
ThreeThousand 200 - bigger than email
Also on the site right now:
STREET - Desiring Machines launch at Lamington Drive!
SHOP - Lover Online launches TODAY! Sacred Hearts College in your letterbox.
READ - Anthropology and a Hundred Others Stories. SQUEEE! Tiny stuff is so cute.
Cover image by Chris Barton. If you would like to submit a covershot, that would be so rad. Email photo@threethousand.com.au.
iDaft
Hatsumi's Laundry
The Selby Shop at Colette
Fever Ray's 'When I Grow Up'
Dan McPharlin makes paper stuff
Hey Jude kid!
The ninja kitten will kill you for reals
Loverslandblog
You can upload to Open Tape!
Tiny camera on Distillate
Dani M Designs
Tell us what's cool
cool@threethousand.com.au
meLove
Acid wash
The bad lyrics on the good shirts
Queen Amedala's prom dress
Santa gives attitude to the poor
Hey shutup, model
The creepy yeti will end in tears
twitter.com/schapellecorby
But Muxtape looks better
The Fine Fare biscuits you ate
Douchebag Accessories
Tell us what's fool
fool@threethousand.com.au
The Boat That Rocked
What:
The Boat That Rocked
Where:
In cinemas from April 9
Watch the trailer:
Here
Win:
Thanks to Universal, we have 5 dbls to give away! To enter, email win@threethousand.com.au with the subject line ‘They can't close us down! We're pirates!'
Richard Curtis's comedy about '60s radio pirates - and the bureaucrats who wanted to shut 'em down - lacks the satirical edge of his best work. It's a veritable smoothie of a film, throwing elements from other movies into a cinematic blender to create something frothy and bland. Imagine, if you will, Almost Famous meets Footloose meets The Commitments meets Titanic.
There's an innocent boy (Tom Sturridge) coming of age via sex, drugs and rock'n'roll, with Philip Seymour Hoffman pretty much being Lester Bangs again. Rhys Darby plays a daggy New Zealander, Nick Frost plays a wisecracking fat guy, plus we've got the chick and the Irishman from The IT Crowd. Kenneth Branagh revisits the cuntish G-man he played in Rabbit-Proof Fence, while Jack Davenport maintains his smarminess from the Pirates Of The Caribbean films.
Yeah, they have some quirky adventures on board that boat, and there are cheap laughs to be had from characters named Twatt and Clitt, but the real reason to see The Boat That Rocked is the soundtrack: a ripper blend of '60s rock and soul, plus... uh, ‘Let's Dance' by David Bowie.
Format: Cinema
Mood: Nostalgic
Keywords: Philip Seymour Hoffman, Richard Curtis, David Bowie
200 Million Thousand
What:
200 Million Thousand
Who:
Black Lips
On:
Vice
Related links:
‘Starting Over', ‘Drugs', and ‘Trapped In A Basement' on Omahype, NE
The first noticeable thing about the Black Lips' newest album, 200 Million Thousand, is that it is missing something. It's missing all the stupid antics that made them the idols of every Jackass watching teenager. It seems that these guys might have finally calmed the fuck down and realised nobody actually wants to see them piss into their own mouths and then spit it on the crowd; we only want to read about those things in an album review.
The boys have made the career prudent choice of trading away most of their cocaine for tons of weed and then found their way into a recording studio. While probably not the best album they've done, 200 Million Thousand is solid and plays through like a Monks record 40 years late. It's ‘60s rock and roll revival as straight as you can get, and the second track 'Drugs' could easily be the soundtrack to that 3-minute vintage surfing montage you've been trying to put on YouTube for days.
Release: Album
To Cure: The hangover
Keywords: Black Lips, Vice, Rock
The Journeybook
‘Plant a garden in which strange plants grow and mysteries bloom.' - Ken Kesey.
Psychedelic revivalists are rife in the ranks of music, comedy (thankfully not musical comedy... unless you count Hair) and visual art. Heck, even Jamie Oliver's jumped on board. But if it's the crux of the matter that you seek, The Journeybook is for you. It's a manifesto for 21st century psychedelic culture and is exceptionally exciting because it's an Australian publication.
Much more than a compendium of tales from altered states, The Journeybook presents us with historical and contemporary shamanism in all its glory and a wealth of information on sacramental plants. It's a thoroughly delightful read, comes complete with full-colour psychedelic art AND defies publishing conventions: it's a flipbook. Could you be more psychedelic?
The Journeybook launches next Tuesday April 14, 6pm, at Polyester Books on Brunswick Street.
Format: Book
Motivation: Improves creativity by osmosis
Keywords: Launch, Books, Fitzroy, Psychedelic
GoldenHook
Got a grandma? I do. Too bad she's the chainsmoking, leather pant sort who wouldn't know her yarn over from her slip stitch. I love you Nan, but your new age, anti-bake-sale jabber won't keep my ears warm this winter.
If, like me, you don't have the hook-ups to hand-knitted headwear this side of the equator, then French website GoldenHook is the answer your frostbitten extremities have been longing for. With a team of inhouse Grandmas poised at needlepoint, in just three simple steps the beanie of your wildest dreams can become a woolly reality:
1. Choose the shape of your hat. Do you want long, short or the Peruvian kind with ear flaps? Do you want a pompom on top, or a more aerodynamic look?
2. Customise it el-stylish. Dare to have that Ruby angora stripe. Make an understatement in Wallflower wool.
3. Choose your Granny. Meet Simone, she's a fan of her triple function microwave and Patchanga. Or perhaps you like Sarah, 85, married since kindergarten and a former dairywoman. She'll knit it for you lovingly and stitch your name inside to boot.
Et Voila! For a modest sum of Euros, you have yourself a bespoke beanie, and somewhere out there sits a happy Gallic Gran who made some coin while watching re-runs of Poirot.
Product: Accessories
Anatomy: Hair
35-Piece Sewing Kit
What:
35-Piece Sewing Kit
Where:
Hot Potatoes, 261 Swanston St, Melbourne
How much:
$2.50
Contact:
9639 9988
They say a bad workman blames his tools.
Take grandpa's old hammer. It's not new, not light, lacks a grip, but it will still get the nails in. Extending this metaphor to the world of needlework, however, the Hot Potatoes 35-Piece Sewing Kit is the equivalent of hammering nails with your forehead. You can try, but ultimately what do you get? A sore head.
The claims of this kit are like the claims of any product on the home shopping network: over promise and under-deliver. I remember watching a pitch for a DVD player. One of its features was the power cord.
Much like: ‘CAR! NOW WITH WHEELS.'
I will take for granted that there will be a needle and I will expect thread. However, the scissors failed to cut the thread and after my first use of the thimble, the blunt end of the needle passed through its plastic shell and my finger like the proverbial hot knife through butter.
Rating: Appalling
Available: Now
Product: Gadgets
Theft: Depends what you keep in it
Keywords: Craft
Art Melbourne 2009
What:
Art Melbourne 2009
Where:
Royal Exhibition Buildings, Carlton
When:
Launching Thurs Apr 16, 6-9pm
General admission Fri 12-9pm, Sat 10am-6pm, Sun 10am-5pm
How much:
Launch tickets $50 from here
General tickets $15 from here
Win:
We have 3 dbl passes to the VIP launch to give away! To enter, email win@threethousand.com.au with the subject 'I'm good for at least 70 US cents'
The Australian dollar? Pfffft. Did I ask for a drawer liner? I need to invest my pineapples in something real.
That's where Art Melbourne comes in. Starting next week: art art art! Big art! Small art! Seven dollar a kilo. You want that wrapped lady? All the good stuff under one roof for three days only. There are Banksys; there's stuff by real artists; there's a place to get coffee.
Formerly 'The Affordable Art Fair', Art Melbourne has lost the bargain stank without losing the bargains, like when Supre moved to Bourke Street. And aside from that, it's a fun day out.
If you would like a real tip, have a look at Off The Wall - the emerging artists program. Now, we'll be honest. Some commercial gallery owners can be slippery Simons - they might try to sell you stuff by their redhead cousin from Byron Bay, and how would you know? You're not Robert Nelson. But the Off The Wall exhibition has been chosen by a panel of industrial art nerds like Tristian from Neon Parc, and Anna MacDonald from ACCA, and Elvis Richardson.
We like Emily Valentine Bullock's little feathery dogs, for instance, but it's your dime (multiplied by 0.7, minus commission and bank charges).
Medium: Mixed
Drink: Double espresso
ACTION ZONE
What:
ACTION ZONE
Where:
Waterfront City, Docklands
When:
Every day 10.30am-6pm
How much:
No more than $10 for 3 goes on anything. (Crap activity only $2.)
At last! The godawful ferris wheel has busted. Now we can go to Docklands safe in the knowledge that newlyweds won't be getting their pants off 50 metres above Footscray Road.
'Fools!' You say. 'Docklands doesn't even exist! It's like Shell Beach in Dark City. Do you actually knooow anyone who has seen it?' Well, behold: we went there yesterday. And that is how we know about ACTION ZONE. The place you can poo your pants with fear up to three times for only $10.
Brought to us by the scientists at Flymotion ('Others Amuse... We Amaze'), ACTION ZONE features brand new inflatable stunt bag technology called Krush KushioNZ, enabling you to fall at various angles and speeds without breaking your face. There is a Base Jump, a gladiator-style mid-air Face-Off, and a Bungy Trampoline (safe up to 80kgs).
The best part is, no-one goes to Docklands, so there are only a few Germans and tourist kids you'll need to push out the way to get on the tightrope.
Ambience: Indoor
Difficulty: Depends how hard you push it
KIWI Fish and Chips
What:
KIWI Fish and Chips
Where:
Shop 9B, Tribeca, 412-442 Victoria Pde, East Melbourne
When:
Mon-Fri 11am-9pm, Sat-Sun 4-9pm
Contact:
9417 5494 (phone orders welcome)
To be honest New Zealanders really raz me up. I mean, sure Karen Walker is great, and Pavement Magazine had its day in the sun until the 11-year-old cover girl incident. Then there's the uniquely Kiwi fear that only a Maori man like Jake the Muss can engender. Jesus I nearly cooked the man some eggs myself and I was only watching the film. Then what about Good Bye Pork Pie, glaciers, wine and the haka?
The trouble is, that's not your average Kiwi experience. Here in Melbourne it will most likely be a waiter, with a whale-bone necklace and a faux-tribal tattoo mumbling something incoherent except for the word ‘bro'.
That's why KIWI fish and chips is important. Not only did I hear Dave Dobyn's ‘Slice of Heaven' when I walked in. I ordered a fresh ocean catch, some fat-as-Freddy's-Drop chips and even a cute little tomato sauce in a can which made my hands look massive like Jonah Lomu's. And all of this in East Melbourne - a suburb that proves the reverse relationship between money and things to do.
Venue: Eatery
Meal: Lunch and dinner
Keywords: New Zealand, East Melbourne
Keith! Party
What:
Keith! Party
Where:
The Evelyn, 351 Brunswick St, Fitzroy
When:
TONIGHT! Thurs Apr 9, doors 9pm. And Thursdays in April.
How much:
$6 +BF on Moshtix, we guess around $8 on the door
Description:
Keith! Party describe themselves as a ‘massive rave-rap clan.' Pretty spot on. They don't seem to take themselves too seriously, but they do take this residency seriously. Every Thursday, the Evelyn is going to turn into something crazy due to Keith! Party's themed nights. Tonight it's going to be a Beach Party, so...uh...surfs up! Don't get too close to the stingrays! Joining the rave-rappers will be The Emergency and dance troupe Real Hot Bitches - redefining g-string leotards since 2008. - PC
Event: Bands
Stimulus: C
Keywords: Evelyn Hotel, Fitzroy, Bands, Costume
GROUSE Easter Party with Jens Lekman
What:
GROUSE Easter Party with Jens Lekman
Where:
Neverwhere, 185 Smith St, Fitzroy (next to Coconut Palms)
When:
Thurs Apr 9, doors 9pm
How much:
$10 on the door
Description:
Jens Lekman is a bit of a loose goose isn't he? DJing everyone's party now that he's back in Melbourne. Soak it up Jens, soon you'll just be one of us, forced to admit that Andee Frost has the talent and you have the hair. Anyway, everyone's still really excited about him being here and what better way to celebrate than at GROUSE? The portal to Romy Hoffman's brain, open once a month on Smith Street. Jens will be playing with Babyface Blackman and Ben O'Connor at 11pm, but before that the ladies of Beaches are DJing from 9pm, right when the $5 spirits start. Breeders welcome! Wu Tang haters unwelcome. - Us.
Event: DJs
Stimulus: Popcorn & Beer
Keywords: Jens Lekman, grouse, Gay/Lesbian, Fitzroy
OK OK winter range launch
What:
OK OK winter range launch
Where:
Shop 16, Hardwick Building, 459 Sydney Rd, Brunswick
When:
Thur Apr 9, 6pm-9pm
How much:
Free!
Description:
OK OK is a nice little shop that's easy to miss because it's stuck away down the side of the Hardwick Building. West Brunswick isn't known for much clothing besides Turkish wedding dresses and eco-friendly, recycled, bio-degradable hippywear... but there is a pocket of local fashion and art in OK OK. For the launch there will be DJs, bubbly, Eskimo pies, and a 10% discount on the night. It's Good Friday eve so go on a drunken shopping spree and have all day Friday to justify it. - PC
Event: Launch
Stimulus: Clothing
Boogie! 3
What:
Boogie! 3
Where:
Bruzzy's Farm, Tallarook (101km from the CBD)
When:
Easter Weekend, Apr 10, 11, 12
How much:
$145 +BF from here
Description:
Woah where the hell did this come from? It just snuck right up on us like a ninja... A festival ninja. This is the third year of Boogie! And, while it's 101km out from the CBD, there are only 500 tickets, art installations, and boxxxwars. Yeah, boxxxwars! Oh and there are some musical acts playing too. Some dudes called Eddy Current Suppression Ring, Dan Auerbach from the Black Keys, Tony Joe White, and even Even will be there. Come ‘get intimate' on Bruzzy's farm instead of trying to boxbattle your brother for eggs. He doesn't get it anyway. I saw him putting your sword out for recycling. - PC
Event: Festival
Stimulus: Sunshine
Keywords: Festival, Eddy Current Suppression Ring
Jessica Says album launch Fri April 10
What:
Jessica Says album launch Fri April 10
Where:
The Toff, Lvl 2, 252 Swanston St, Melbourne
When:
Fri Apr 10, doors 8pm
How much:
$8 +BF from here or $10 on the door
Win:
Thanks to Remote Control, we have 2dbl passes to give away! To enter, email win@threethousand.com.au with the subject 'Oh how I loathe the fat mirrors'
Description:
Got self esteem? Good stuff. Stick with it sister, you just be your badself. Anyway, Jess Venables is 21, beautiful and talented and she's launching her debut album, We Need To Talk, at the TIT tomorrow. The album features guests including New Buffalo's Sally Seltmann and it's produced by Geoff O'Connor (Crayon Fields, Sly Hats). Darren Sylvester, Dick Diver and Jens Lekman are supporting on decks. Jess Venables is the exact reason we love this city, and we have a skinny mirror, and Qualludes. - Us
Event: Bands
Stimulus: W
Keywords: The Toff in Town, Jessica Says
The Empress Good Friday party
What:
The Empress Good Friday party
Where:
The Empress, 714 Nicholson St, Fitzroy North
When:
Fri Apr 10, doors 4pm
How much:
$7 on the door
Description:
Just after Jesus dies tomorrow there's a party on at The Empress. And, like the good man, these acts have skills that many people won't coin onto until they start getting some proper coverage. The Tantrums are doing that spaced synthy stuff better than anyone else already, and they've only played two shows. Pets With Pets are always great but they never tell anyone that they're playing. Even when they supported No Age they didn't make a big deal out of it. And Tic Toc Tokyo have just got back after pashing strangers in Brooklyn and that's pretty exciting because they're a good band and everybody likes kissing. What are you waiting for, the New Testament? - PM
Event: Bands
Stimulus: W
Keywords: Empress, Fitzroy North
The Night Terrors album launch with Richard In Your Mind and The Emergency
What:
The Night Terrors album launch with Richard In Your Mind and The Emergency
When:
Fri Apr 10, 8.30pm
Where:
East Brunswick Club, 280 Lygon St, East Brunswick
How much:
$13
Description:
Post rock in Melbourne died so synthetic, ‘cosmic' rock might live, and at the gallows' helm were The Night Terrors, who, after almost ten years of perfecting their dark arts release their debut album on Exo Records this week. Fronted by towering theremin maestro Miles Brown, this trio does nightmarish, speculative Prog better than anyone and is impossible not to be rocked by. Supporting them on the night are Sydney trippers Richard In Your Mind and proven disco-haunt weavers, The Emergency. - MG
Event: Bands
Stimulus: W
Keywords: Music, Brunswick East, East Brunswick Club
Giant Hand BBQ in Edinburgh Gardens
What:
Giant Hand BBQ in Edinburgh Gardens
Where:
Edinburgh Gardens, St Georges Rd, North Fitzroy
When:
Sat Apr 11 4pm-8pm
How much:
Free!
Description:
Something Splendid are doing a photoshoot with their giant Crime Stoppers hand and they want you to come be in it. They're offering a chance to carry, cheer on, or be squished under the giant pointing finger, then free beer and BBQ once the whole thing is over. Come down and lend a HAND, get fed, and cheer on the other helpers. The rest of us walking our dogs or jogging around the park will just stare at you, secretly wishing we could get clicked on as well. We'll be all like ‘CTRL Z mofos!' - PC
Event: Supper
Stimulus: Free booze & Food
Keywords: Edinburgh Gardens, North Fitzroy, Photography
Jeffrey Lewis live in-store
What:
Jeffrey Lewis live in-store
Where:
Polyester Records, 288 Flinders La, Melbourne
When:
Sat Apr 11, 12 noon
How much:
Free!
Description:
Jeffrey Lewis! The anti-folk hero and comic book...genius?! Whatever. He's here! After he plays all the songs from the new record at the Thornbury Theatre on Friday night, he will be playing a very special in-store at Polyester. Let's cross our fingers he chooses some old songs like ‘Williamsburg Will Oldham Horror' or at least reads from a couple of his zany comic books. - PC
Event: Bands
Event: Supper
Keywords: Folk, Music, Polyester Records, City
Sensory Projects presents A Basket of Good Eggs featuring The Sun Blindness, Hole & Corner, Children of the Wave, Panoptique Electrical, The Beckwith Green, Great Earthquake, and Terminal Sound System
What:
Sensory Projects presents A Basket of Good Eggs featuring The Sun Blindness, Hole & Corner, Children of the Wave, Panoptique Electrical, The Beckwith Green, Great Earthquake, and Terminal Sound System
Where:
The Thornbury Theatre, 859 High St, Thornbury
When:
Sat Apr 11, 8pm
How much:
$15
Description:
A choice selection of local experimental-pop label, Sensory Projects' artists assemble this Saturday at Thornbury Theatre for a rare showcase gig. Headed by psychedelic guitar minimalists, The Sun Blindness, whose album Like Pearly Clouds was one of our favourites of ‘08, the evening takes in everything from Panoptique Electrical's somnambulist electronics to down-home country with The Beckwith Green. Also featuring certifiable production geniuses Terminal Sound System live, and Faux Pas in To-and-Fro DJ mode. - MG
Event: Bands & DJs
Stimulus: W
Keywords: Experimental, Pop, Sensory Projects, Thornbury
Monster Trucks of Destruction
What:
Monster Trucks of Destruction
Where:
Cranbourne Turf Club, Grant Street, Cranbourne
When:
Sun Apr 12, gates open 4pm
How much:
$25/$35 from here or on the gate
Contact:
Hotline 0404 MONSTER
Description:
The first time I did an activity with my Dad apart from him suggesting I march around banging a little drum when he put on his American Brass Band record, was the time we went to Burwood Penfold to watch a Monster Truck crush a Volkswagon. And, as expected, 'the people's car' proved no match for the 66-inch tyres and supercharged 9.42-litre engine of democracy. It was a thrilling taste of US imperialism, which I shall relive this weekend at Monster Trucks of Destruction. There will be a car called 'The Boss' and one called 'The Undertaker' and, of course, 'Outback Thunda II'. And a sky wheelie showdown. Hitler would hate it. He'd be all like, "But what ordinary German could buy the 'Monster Patrol' by means of a savings scheme?" Crush fascists. - PM
Event: Rally
Stimulus: Chaos
Keywords: Cranbourne, Bogans
Gay Bash Housewarming Party!
What:
Gay Bash Housewarming Party!
Where:
Sorry Grandma, cnr Lt Bourke St and Uniacke Crt (near King St)
When:
Sun Apr 12, doors 10pm
How much:
$14.95 OR bake them a welcome dish for free entry before 11pm
Win:
They have given us 3 dbls to give away! To enter, email win@threethousand.com.au with the subject line 'Back off northy or I'll beetroot your Muji scarf'
Description:
You've probably heard about Gay Bash as it's the best thing in Sydney. A straight-friendly, appallingly rad gay party trapped in a city of gents wearing Ed Hardy and hand-wash Muji scarves. Anyway, they're bringing the party here so let's give them the welcome they deserve, bruddy herl. It's at Michael Delaney's new venue, Sorry Grandma! It's a suburban theme. If you bake them a welcome dish, you get in free before 11pm. Dress like a lawnmower, a nappy, a suit, a pair of crocs, a twin set, a mortgage belt, Don Burke, whatever. The Melbourne DJs include Andee Frost, Hairy Hotdog (Pink Steel), M.A.F.I.A., Leslie Salvador, Generik, Roman Bruce & Biscut and.... LIZ & ANDIE!!! - Us.
Event: DJs
Stimulus: E
Keywords: Gay/Lesbian, Sydney, Gay Bash
The Last Tuesday Society every Tuesday
What:
The Last Tuesday Society every Tuesday!
Where:
The HiFi, 125 Swanston St, Melbourne
When:
Tuesdays in April, 11pm
How much:
$10
Description:
Richard Higgins and his hipster cabaret army have refused to rename the Last Tuesday Society even though it's on every Tuesday in April, evincing the unnerving implication that EVERY TUESDAY COULD BE YOUR LAST! Just as well you bought a $10 ticket to see Anna ‘Pocket Rocket', Sveta Dobranoch, The List Operators, the dudes from Mad Max Remix, POST's Zoe Coombes Marr, The Suitcase Royale, Boy With Tape on his Face and the rest. Then, just as a bonus, no hump day! On the other hand, you'll be dead. - Us.
Event: Escape
Stimulus: Chaos
Keywords: HiFi Bar
Leather pants are the coolest. Wooooo magazine says so. So is the 'smooth leatherjacket' - a fish grilled with lemon on a bun. And we all know Sandy turned hot when she donned the upper leather and lit up.
Sydney's Sarah King and Tristan Blair from Es Trella build leather good, strong and in key fetching shapes - where classic style and statement pieces are friends, interlinked on a park bench.
Their latest line pits leather with silk and cotton and other bits, without the risk of a seafood stench. The weather's taken a turn, so embrace the declining temperatures and attempt to win some hide below.
This week's question:
The best leather use of all time is:
a) Mummified mystery hand earrings
b) Buckethead's guitar case (this freak taught Slash)


c) Estrella's ESO27 leather jacket
d) Leatherface's, um, face

To be in the running send your answer, size AND postal address to win@threethousand.com.au, winners will be notified by email. Subscriber only entry. Not a subscriber? Oh noooes! Sign up here.
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