Thursday 2nd April
Anyone who is yet to see The Room doesn't understand the world is full of heartbreak, lust and betrayal. Knowing this now though, we are able to look for the silver lining. There are some streets in South Yarra than 4WDs can't fit down. There is a place to go in Fishermans Bend! Todd Lamb might have been ripped off but now he writes for us! And we nearly died and went bankrupt at Children of the Night, but at least we got photos.
ThreeThousand 199 - can you really truuust aaanyone?
Also on the site right now:
SHOP - Custom Creature Taxidermy!
GOODS - Clayton Bailey's 'Super Stiff' Moustache Grower
STREET - Now TWO galleries every week! Check the site Mondays.
Cover image by Ling Ling Ang. If you would like to submit a covershot, that would be so rad. Email photo@threethousand.com.au.
The Room
What:
The Room
Where:
Buy the DVD from Amazon
Watch the trailer:
Here
Related links:
Rap ode to The Room, by the Brooklyn Doctors
Screening:
Is Not Magazine presents The Room at Loop Bar, 23 Meyers Pl, Melbourne on Tues Apr 14, 6.30pm. *NOTE UPDATED TIME*
There's something shameful about mocking bad movies. As Patton Oswalt points out, even the worst movies had a cast and crew who believed in their work. And Tommy Wiseau has never stopped believing. Although he sounds like Arnie and looks like a cross between Steven Seagal and Fabio, Wiseau sees himself as the heir to Tennessee Williams. His magnum opus The Room, which he wrote, directed, produced and starred in, is so comprehensively bad that it deserves to be regarded with baffled awe. Nobody knows why it is called The Room, least of all Wiseau. You must simply let it wash over you and I guarantee your life will be changed forever.
It's essentially a love triangle between Johnny (Wiseau), his fiancée Lisa (Juliette Danielle) and his best friend, Mark (Greg Sestero, also the line producer). Then there's Lisa's mum, an orphan (played by a 40-year-old man), a doggie, and much, much more.
The Room sank without trace after its 2003 release, but curious hipsters tracked it down after noticing the LA billboard Tommy had booked. Now people holler the dialogue at late-night screenings and clap during the bow-chicka-wow-wow sex scenes. Wiseau actually attends these screenings. Faced with crowds laughing at his masterpiece, a lesser man might have lost faith, but Wiseau has happily re-badged The Room as a 'black comedy'. In our snarky, FAIL-obsessed times, this is admirable. But it begs the question, ‘Can you really truust aanyone?'
Format: DVD
Mood: Leave brain at home
Keywords: Comedy, Tommy Wiseau
Super Wild Horses 7" EP
What:
Super Wild Horses 7" EP
Who:
Super Wild Horses
On:
Aarght! Records
Where:
Missing Link
Related links:
'What Started the Noise' 7" track at Mass Hyperbole blog
Lots has been made of 'shit-gaze' and 'no-fi' production values in music for a while now, most notably in America where the blown-up, overdriven sound of originals like Pink Reason, Times New Viking and Vivian Girls has seriously crossed over in indie circles to become almost a movement in itself, regardless of content. What once was a no-choice, broke recording option for songs that simply had to be heard, now seems confused - over there, anyhow - by mannered style considerations and second-wave questing to be the next real, 'lo-fi' thing.
Luckily, us provincials can ignore all that crap and concentrate on the perennial business of making do-or-die garage rock. Melbourne duo, Super Wild Horses, sound fashionably of the moment on their debut 7", but then again they're so primitive that to say as much is a waste of time. The six cuts included are mostly one/two chord riffs with schoolyard singing amidst pounding, echo-warehouse drums - super minimal, short, catchy and wound-up in the girls' special brand of distancing tin wool. More solid garage ruckus from Aarght! (Eddy Current, Dead Farmers, Ooga Boogas) with an extra dollop of Electric Prunes' dream.
Launch:
Sat Apr 4 at The Lithuanian Club with The Twerps, UV Race, Eddy Current DJs + Aarght! DJs, $10.
Release: 7"
To Cure: A predictable playlist
Keywords: Super Wild Horses, North Melbourne, Music, Launch
The Narrows Bookshelf (an album review)
What:
The Narrows Bookshelf (an album review)
Where:
Lvl 2, 141 Flinders La, Melbourne
When:
Wed-Fri 12-6pm, Sat 12-5pm
Contact:
9654 1534
Code: Selfish is a 1992 LP by British rock band The Fall which entered the chart at number 21. 'Code: Shelfish' is what you should say if you wish to peruse the new bookshelf at The Narrows. It is characterised by its harsher design in relation to the previous year's display, and draws influence from architecture and typography. This was probably due to the addition of guest book-curators to the line-up. This month it is Spiros Panigirakis. The shelf also has some notably mellow moments with Architecture of the Off-Modern and Camp Nest.
Largely stocking books from distributor books@manic as well as some from Roma Publications, 'Code: Shelfish' does not feature The Fall's only self-penned Top 40 single 'Free Range'. The shelf would prove to be the gallery's last for the Phonogram label as it was dropped following the release of the complete discography of The Donkey's Tail. Simon Ford reports in his Warren Taylor biography, Hip Priest, that the compensation received from Phonogram for termination of The Narrows' five-album deal was used to establish what has become the best design focused art gallery in Melbourne.
Product: Everything you dreamed
Anatomy: Brain
Keywords: Design, The Narrows, Books
Wooooo #6
What:
Wooooo #6
Where:
The Wooooo Shop
When:
Out NOW!
How much:
AUD $18.40 including shipping
Contact:
Mr Bossy Balls the editor
Win:
We have one issue to give away! To enter, email win@threethousand.com.au with the subject line ‘My testicles smell like lobster. Delicious.'
Leather pants are the coolest. Whether they're on a guy or a gal, they're the boldest statement that a person can make. They're the fashion way of saying, 'I don't play society's games and I want everyone within 20 yards to know it.' Let me tell you a story. I was walking down the street the other day and I saw a 70-year-old man in leather pants, with a matching leather coat. He was a slender gentleman, just rolling through his day minding his own business. As he passed a pack of young girls, they all started giggling. Of course, he was undeterred by this. But the pack of girls yelled, 'I bet his nuts smell!' That was rude. But, yes, they probably smell like seafood.
Wooooo magazine is kind of like an older man in leather pants. This magazine is not concerned with what anyone thinks. If you could smell it, it'd smell like a puddle in Chinatown after the Hanasuki Bait Shop washes down its sidewalk. The new issue has interviews with: Zach Galifianakis, Natas Kaupas, Aaron Rose, Andy Jenkins, Max Schaaf, and a bunch of other people that I've never heard of.
I interviewed Natas for the issue. We talked about water balloons and big top tents. We'd love for you to buy a copy. We made it, special, just for you. If that doesn't excite you, then I'm done trying to pitch this fucking magazine to you and your cotton pants. Oh, sorry. I have to take this call.
It's your nuts, they'd rather be encased in leather.
Format: Magazine
Motivation: Kill twenty minutes dead
Keywords: Literature, Wooooo Magazine, Jason Crombie
Chapter 11 zip hoods
What:
Chapter 11 Zip Hoods
Where:
Rose Street Artist Market, 60 Rose St, Fitzroy
How much:
$69
Win:
We have one girl hoodie (pictured) and one guy hoodie to give away! To enter, email your size to win@threethousand.com.au with the subject line 'I hate creative spew on my cozy outerwear'.
Why is it so hard for me to find just a plain hooded sweatshirt?! There is a serious problem in the fashion world because everyone wants to put a 'logo' or their 'artwork', or something else 'creative' all over my outerwear. In vain I looked in normal fashion outlets and finally turned to Facebook for help. I asked it, 'Why can't I find a plain hooded sweatshirt?' and it responded '160,101 people are attending We Like Plain Hoodies. What's On Your Mind?'
Anyway, the Facebook fan page for hoods REALLY likes plain, nice-fitting, simple hoodies. And why wouldn't it? Hoods are a classic - a cornerstone of layering. These are all things that Dangerous Dave of Melbourne-based label Chapter 11 knows already. He doesn't need Zuckerberg to tell him what's what.
They're made right here in Melbourne and will keep you warm and cozy in the upcoming winter. You can check them out at the Rose Street Artist market, and don't be timid, Dangerous Dave is only a creative title - he's really a sweetheart.
Product: Clothing
Theft: Theft is a risk
Keywords: Chapter 11, Fashion, Hoodie
Desiring Machines, James Gulliver Hancock
What:
Desiring Machines, James Gulliver Hancock
Where:
Lamington Drive, 89 George St, Fitzroy
When:
Launching tonight! Thurs Apr 2, 6-9pm
Exhibition runs until April 25
How much:
Free!
Related links:
James Gulliver Hancock at Jacky Winter
I can't wait to see James Gulliver Hancock's new exhibition at Lamington Drive. Desiring Machines zeros in on James Gulliver Hancock's fascination with things mechanical, through a series prints, drawings, collages and installations. James Gulliver Hancock (a name you must say a few times, in full, just for fun) is a Sydney-born artist currently living in Los Angeles, the city of cars that has fuelled the ideas behind this show, his first in Melbourne.
You'd probably know James Gulliver Hancock's work: twitchy, loopy, organic, stream of consciousness stuff, most famously employed on both Josh Pyke's and Darren Hanlon's CD covers and in the margins and feature pages of all types of magazines and newspapers, including Frankie, Readers Digest, BRW and The Times in England.
It's obvious James Gulliver Hancock knows his way around Photoshop, but like all great modern illustrators he's a skilled draughtsman unafraid to improvise. His renderings of cars for example look nothing like cars; they are wonky and wouldn't work, but they so look like cars. Same with his psychotically detailed drawings of typewriters, pianos and stereo equipment: beguilingly witty things about to fidget off the page. Don't miss Desiring Machines.
(Featuring James Gulliver Hancock.)
Medium: Illustration
Drink: Dandy shandy
Keywords: Lamington Drive, Illustration
Melbourne International Kart Raceway
What:
Melbourne International Kart Raceway
Where:
Todd Rd, Fishermans Bend
When:
Good to visit on a Sunday. Note they have a working bee on April 25, so don't go then.
Contact:
Someone at the Go Kart Club of Victoria. If you want to get serious, start at No Speed Limit.
Go-carting. Eeeeeveryone's an expert.
So you've been to the 'pro tracks' where they don't let you eat hot dogs before you put on the fire-retardant suit for your test lap. Oh, hang on a sec I just remembered, reality called for you earlier, I wrote down a message, now where is it, oh here: 'There are seven-year-olds who could whip your flame-proof butt on a Sunday morning!'
Reality is correct. Because it went to the Melbourne International Kart Raceway on the weekend. And so, as it happens, did I. Who knew this whole world existed under the Westgate?! There are kids in 'Karts' destroying their tyres on a 1005m speedway as their parents and grandparents service the back-up Rotax Fr125cc Engines in a mini-city of tent-garages.
At first you kind of wish that you could have a go too. Then you almost get balled by grandma pushing a Monaco GP5 M-Max Chassis down the hill and realise that you are waaaay out of your depth. Plus there's a clubhouse to hang out at, with dim sims, potato cakes, pies and fanta. It's like being in a real-life version of the Early Bird Show, without Darryl Cotton.
Ambience: Outdoor
Difficulty: Exertion will pay off
Keywords: Fisherman's Bend, Kids
Lawson Grove Shop
What:
Lawson Grove Shop
Where:
1 Lawson Grove, South Yarra
When:
Mon-Fri 7.30am-5.30pm, Sat-Sun 8am-6pm
Contact:
9866 3640
With the rise of the city 7-11 and the equally ubiquitous suburban supermarket, sadly so too comes the demise of the humble milk bar. The stroll down to the corner shop for a litre of milk and a newspaper has become a longer walk to Safeway and a packet of Tim Tams because they were 60c off.
Enter the Lawson Grove Shop. Housed in a delightful deco apartment building and hidden down a quiet South Yarra street that's thankfully too small for four-wheel drives, this corner store sells produce from free-range eggs and fruit to cheese cured meats, as its cafe serves breakfast and lunch plates in a humble and homely interior.
While six-star high-rise hotels go up just around the corner, the Lawson Grove Shop provides an atmosphere of neighbourhood in one where it's increasingly needed - as far from the Toorak Road poodle parade as Rae or Rosamond. Whether you're new to the area, an old local or waking up next to a young one, if foundationed faces and double parking Range Rovers aren't your scene, come hide here.
Venue: One stop shop
Meal: All day
Keywords: Cafe, South Yarra
DRAWING FOLIO launch
What:
DRAWING FOLIO launch
Where:
Block Projects, Lvl 4, 289 Flinders Lane, Melbourne
When:
TONIGHT! Thurs Apr 2, 6-8pm
Exhibition runs until April 25
How much:
Free!
Description:
Stuff not to say to an artist who does drawing:
1. When are you gonna colour it in?
2. Must be cheaper with the black and white printing
3. Will you be going for your pen license soon?
You can practice tonight at the massive Block Projects drawing show, curated by John Nixon and Justin Andrews. It features 36 artists including Constanze Zikos, Dylan Martorell, Nathan Gray, Bianca Hester, Rose Nolan and Marco Fusinato. - PM
Event: Exhibition
Stimulus: Free booze & Food
Keywords: Drawing, Art, Block Projects
Mink Engine - Acres of Diamonds DVD premiere with Q&A
What:
Mink Engine - Acres of Diamonds DVD premiere with Q&A
Where:
ACMI Cinemas, Fed Square, Melbourne
When:
Thurs Apr 2, 6.30pm
How much:
Free!
Description:
While I don't do drugs myself, I appreciate people that make me feel like I probably should, just to understand their art better. Some of these people are Mink Engine, the electro pop and motion graphics combination of Askii and Touch Me Tiger. This isn't really about drugs though, it's about their new DVD Acres of Diamonds and its premiere at ACMI. This has been two years in the coming, funded by Film Victoria, features interviews with the likes of Modeselektor, Tentemoller, Luke Vibert, and air guitarists. Yaha, air guitarists. - PC
Event: Film
Stimulus: Ideas
Panel of Judges with Dick Diver and Ships Piano
What:
Panel of Judges with Dick Diver and Ships Piano
Where:
The Birmingham, cnr Smith St and Johnston St, Collingwood
When:
TONIGHT! Thurs Apr 2, doors 8pm
How much:
Free
Description:
THE JUUUUDGES!! Yesss. If you missed the press on Bad Vibrations, you must have big leather blinkers on. Like a Clydesdale pulling bogan tourists around town, that's you. 'This one is too good to overlook,' said VICE. 'This is overwhelming; definitely, categorically and bindingly good,' said BEAT. 'This Beat Happening-style-minimalist-pop is so charming, so thankfully un-professional, so gleefully egalitarian, it's a breath of fresh air,' said ThreeThousand. (That last one was us. Uh-huh. Our quote has more adverbs because we don't have to pay for printing.) Dick Diver and Ships Piano are supporting and Bad Vibrations will be for sale on CD and vinyl. - PM
Event: Bands
Stimulus: W
The Suitcase Royale Space Show
What:
The Suitcase Royale Space Show
Where:
Cloak Room, Melbourne Town Hall
When:
Until April 26, Thurs-Sat 10.50pm, Sun 9.50pm
How much:
$17 from here
Description:
Listen up: Comedy Festival publicists. It aaain't gonna happen. We have activated the forcefield and if you attempt to traverse it by email, by phone or bodily, it's curtains for you, and Pat has more cleaning up to do than usual. Having said that, we're happy to recommend the Suitcase Royale Space Show* as an event everyone in the world should attend. And, coincidentally it starts at the Town Hall today. So you may contact us if you wish talk about the Suitcase Royale Space Show. Use the codeword 'hot beards' to temporarily deactivate the lasers. - PM
*There is much we have to learn about space, especially now the earth is under attack form a mutant virus that melts your face and withers your...face.
Event: Performance
Stimulus: Love
Snow Patrol and Belle & Sebastian DJ set with Leslie Salvador
What:
Snow Patrol and Belle & Sebastian DJ set with Leslie Salvador
Where:
Match Bar, Lvl 1, 249 Lt Lonsdale St, Melbourne
When:
Fri Apr 3, 9pm
How much:
$15
Win:
We have a dbl pass to give away! To enter email win@threethousand.com.au with the subject line ‘my social anxiety is crippling my indie networking ability'.
Description:
Snow Patrol are really cashing in on this V-festival tour. They are playing the festival, a sideshow, AND a DJ set. Like ninjas from the shadows, Belle & Sebastian are in town too and have brought some records as well. Break out your favourite cardigan, those thick rimmed glasses, and as many badges as you can find. This isn't for the weak-indie'd or for people who don't have social anxiety. - PC
Event: DJs
Stimulus: W
Keywords: Belle & Sebastian, Match Bar, City
Synchro Mysticism and the Decoding of mainstream Hollywood Cinema
What:
Synchro Mysticism and the Decoding of mainstream Hollywood Cinema
Where:
ACMI, Fed Square
When:
Fri Apr 3, 10pm
How much:
$10/$13 from here
Win:
We have 5 dbl passes to give away! To enter, email win@threethousand.com.au with the subject 'Will cyanide capsules be made available to us?''
Description:
Do you believe that the universe may be communicating with you? Are higher intelligences attempting contact through a symbolic narrative embedded in the very fabric of space/time? Jamie Leonarder will clear all this up at ACMI on Friday. He applies the knew-found knowledge of the synchromystics to reveal the significance of the Hollywood blockbuster to our broader destiny. We are probably being prepared for the end of the world through a web of not-coincidental confluent symbols. Consider yourself warned. - PM
Event: Film
Stimulus: Popcorn & Beer
Keywords: Jamie Leonarder, Film, ACMI
The Hot Club of Cowtown
What:
The Hot Club of Cowtown
Where:
The Thornbury Theatre, 859 High St, Thornbury
When:
Fri Apr 3, 8pm
How much:
$35 + BF here
Description:
Texas, 1998. Dubya is made Governor a second time over, encouraging his deep-rooted crazy seeds to grow into a raging egomaniacal Bush. Clearly some Texans just weren't into thinking that year. Good job this didn't so much affect the music industry; Swingin' Stampede comes out that same year as a manifestation of the Hot Club of Cowtown's love affair with Western Swing, where champion fiddle and contrabass skills lends the band its Bob Wills air. Fast track to 2005. The trio strike gold, touring with Dylan and Nelson, which in itself quite frankly craps all over GWB's resume. - ST
Event: Bands
Stimulus: Jager
Keywords: Thornbury Theatre, Thornbury
Double House Party Adventure Show!
What:
Double House Party Adventure Show!
Where:
Day: 12 Shepparson Avenue, Carnegie
Night: 23 Tranmere Avenue, Carnegie
When:
Sat Apr 4, 1pm onwards
How much:
Free
Description:
There is a rad new band on the block, they're about 11 years old, they're called The Parking Lot Experiment, and they are re-writing the rule-book for promoters. (Listen up, Mr Waters, we are old now.) "HEY ALRIGHT this is a house party and it starts at Grant's place and then around 6.30 or so we'll relocate to The Parking Lot Experiments' house (two blocks away). No planned playing times - bands play when they want. Anyone can sleep at Grant's place - just bring a sleeping bag and pillow and let him know over the internet at the Cougar Flashy Myspace. Extreme Wheeze, Yama Boy, Cougar Flashy, Permanent Bling and more." So friendly! But also badass. Bring snacks. - Us.
Event: Party
Stimulus: C
Backyard Show hosted by Christopher LG Hill and the first West Brunswick Sculpture Triennial
What:
Backyard Show hosted by Christopher LG Hill and the first West Brunswick Sculpture Triennial
Where:
Anstey & Ashton (an overgrown vacant lot, head north off Albion Street, just east of Anstey Station, near UGG Boot factory)
When:
Sat Apr 4, 11am-8pm
How much:
Free!
Description:
Well, we sure hope the first West Brunswick Sculpture Triennial is not the last. It is great, and also no doubt vindicating for those who have lived in the inflated shadow of central Brunswick all these years. We can't do justice to the weirdness of this multi-weekend event in one OUT listing, so have a look at the website to see what's on. Basically, you have missed the goat walk, but you have not missed the Backyard Show, a day-long recital by bands including Fabulous Diamonds, Justin K Fuller and Paeces, something mysterious by Matthew Brown and Simon Taylor, and a 'krump' performance. All on a temporary platform built by an artist in an overgrown vacant block next to the Ugg Boot factory.
Turn LEFT off Sydney Road, elitists. - PM
Event: Party
Stimulus: The real live world
Keywords: West Brunswick, Music, Performance, Bands
Roxanne 2nd Birthday!
What:
Roxanne 2nd Birthday!
Where:
Roxanne, Lvl 3, 2 Coverlid Pl, Melbourne
When:
Sat Apr 4, 11pm to 5am
How much:
$10
Win:
We have 2 dbls to give away. To enter email win@threethousand.com.au with the subject line ‘*now* where will I get my weekly thigh tone?'
Description:
Have you heard that Roxanne is smoking again? Not in the, ‘Yeah I have to walk up and down four flights of stairs and smoke in a gross alley' either. There is a brand new balcony and us with clean lungs will no longer be separated from our dirty lunged friends for 5 to 7 minute periods. Not only that, Roxanne is turning two this week! And they're giving us the gift that keeps on giving, for a few hours, depending how much you get... free beer!* And all-star DJs all night. - PC
*The beer is free 11-midnight. Oh yeah? Well did you even bring a present? OK, well let's see it. Ha! Thought so, Tighty McWad.
Event: DJs
Stimulus: Fun
Safari Team Dig To China - Part II exhibition launch
What:
Safari Team Dig To China - Part II exhibition launch
Where:
Seventh Gallery, 155 Gertrude St, Fitzroy
When:
Launching Tues Apr 7, 6-8pm
Exhibition runs until April 25
How much:
Free!
Description:
Having recently returned from Sydney, The Safari Team continue their treacherous journey through the centre of the Earth. In the second of a three-part exhibition series, they are guided by maps based on stories about the magma core. Does Moses rule the underground with his subterranean-sleaze-cloning-factory, for instance? Is Michael Hutchence the creator of the universe? These are the types of questions they're confronting here. It will terrify you! Astound your friends! It will make you glad they don't work for the CSIRO! Refreshments available. - Us
Event: Exhibition
Stimulus: Free booze & Food
Keywords: Exhibition, Seventh Gallery, Fitzroy
Now that Joaquin Phoenix has commenced his rap career, it is time for us to stop wearing the same sunglasses as him. That is why Sunshades Eyewear have released the new season preview range for Le Specs. Well, no it isn't but anyway they have offered us two pairs of le rad 'Eightytude' sunnies, normally RRP $69.95, to give away.
We don't know what Joaquin's problem is, but for sure it's not an eightytude.
An eightytude is about reversing your friend's Dad's Ferrari out his glass-backed garage. It's about buzzing the tower at the Navy Fighter Weapons School! It's about finding One-Eyed Willy's treasure before the Fratellis catch you so you can buy your neighbourhood back from the developers who want to demolish it and build a golf course on top. Etcetera. And to be in the running all you must do is answer the following question:
This week's question:
An eightytude is
a) less grunge than a ninetytude
b) not Joaquin's specific problem
c) so choice. If you have the means, I highly recommend picking one up
d) living inside my battle leggings
Send your answer, name, colour preference (blue or black) and mailing address to win@threethousand.com.au. Winners will be notified by email. Subscriber only entry! Not a subscriber? Oh noooes! Sign up here.
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