Thursday 5th March
Hey! Are you high? Are you saying vases have personalities? Tin&Ed are fashion designers? The comic's better than the movie?? Maybe just lie down and relax for once. You're not in Boulder anymore. And you've got to meet Craig at 4pm.
ThreeThousand 195 - come down from there!
Also on the site right now:
WORK - Sound Summit
HEAR - Peasant album giveaway!
Cover image by Chris Barton. If you would like to submit a covershot that would be so rad! Email photo@threethousand.com.au.
BMX Bike Bicycle SuperRad Extreme 2000
Maripolarama
Josh Freese's $75,000 option
Chicks on Speed at Craft Victoria!
Rocket Fuel cycling caps
LSD mission
Lawrence Leung's Choose Your Own Adventure
Lover, Sacred Hearts College
Chromeo on Yo Gabba Gabba
Walt Whitman is a whiny ass pussy
Twitter haters
Tell us what's cool
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BMX Tryhard Film Crew Fail
Malapropisms
RyanAir's one pound toilet
Chicks on speed
In your face, Yakkay helmets!
Bridal rampage
Hipster Runoff's Alt Bingo
Love her, love your guitar
Chroming
I dominate competition on a sometimes hourly basis
Gah! Oh don't worry.
Tell us what's fool
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Let The Right One In
What:
Let The Right One In
When:
Exclusive to Nova from Mar 5
Watch the trailer:
Here
Win:
Thanks to Cinema Nova, we have 15 dbls to give away! To enter, email win@threethousand.com.au with the subject line ‘I've been 12 for a long time'
Scripted by John Ajvide Lindqvist from his novel, Tomas Alfredson's Let The Right One In is a subtly poignant vampire story that's all the more masterful when juxtaposed with patronising crap like Twilight. Set in a grim Swedish winter, it's gorgeously, disturbingly shot in snow and shadow, as if Bill Henson were the cinematographer on Edward Scissorhands.
Oskar (Kåre Hedebrant) is a puny, vulnerable 12-year-old who's mercilessly bullied by a gang of classmates led by Conny (Patrik Rydmark). (Oskar's girly haircut probably doesn't help matters.) He senses a kindred soul in Eli (Lina Leandersson), the new girl in his apartment building whose arrival coincides with a spate of grisly murders. As a delicate bond builds between boy and vampire, will Eli help Oskar face his demons, or has Oskar invited a far worse demon into his life?
Alfredson directs with patient elegance. Let The Right One In is explicit but never exploitative, no character is a caricature, and no shot is wasted. I found its ending almost unbearably sad, but left the cinema profoundly moved by the dark, visceral truths it reveals about adolescence.
Format: Cinema
Mood: Rad
Keywords: Carlton, Cinema Nova, Tomas Alfredson, Vampires
Watchmen
What:
Watchmen
Where:
Comics R Us, Lvl 1, 220 Bourke St, Melbourne
When:
Since 1986
How much:
Trade paperback $35.95
Like the Beatles were to rock ‘n' roll, Alan Moore is to superhero comics. The Pom who blew the lid off, who started it and ended it.
And Watchmen is both the beginning and the end of the superhero genre in comic books. It represents the stillborn renewal and maturing of the genre, as well as calling into question the motivations and proclivities of all previous superhero activity.
Moore's genius (and that of Dave Gibbons, the artist) was to make us imagine the reality of costumed ‘heroes'. Their highly questionable ethical and moral positions. Their demented, psychotic, mundane, perverted actions. Their smelly, threadbare costumes. Now think of the shiny CGI costumes you've seen in the trailers.
There is too much to say about Watchmen, it's too good and important a work of fiction to try and do justice to in a couple of hundred words. In the same way as it's too good and important a work of fiction to try and do justice to in a couple of hours of film. Alan Moore has taken his name from the film. And he's not going to go see it. Just go and buy the comic.
Format: Comics
Motivation: Kill twenty minutes dead
Keywords: Watchmen, Comics, Alan Moore
Dragging A Dead Deer Up A Hill
Picture this: you're tired, cold, lying on the floor, feeling totally alone in your personal world of misery. Then through the wall you hear your neighbour strumming an acoustic guitar, her muted, beautiful vocals soaring unintelligibly - a song you've never heard yet sounds instantly familiar. And suddenly you're all warm inside.
Liz Harris, aka Grouper, knows that melancholy can be comforting, and sometimes bleak is beautiful. Hailing from rainy, cosy Portland, Oregon, she creates rich, mysterious, reverb-drenched folk. Her music's soft-spoken beauty holds reference points in Cat Power or Beach House, but without the egomania of the former, or the bombast of the latter. Unlike many of her contemporaries in low-fi folk/field recording, Liz Harris doesn't just craft a hazy, cryptic mystique to enshroud lackluster songs.
Grouper's music is immediately memorable, and likeable; hell, 'Heavy Water' is downright catchy, sounding like a more ballsy side to Bon Iver.
Don't miss Grouper on Sun Mar 8 at The Tote. Doors 7pm, tickets $12 +BF.
Release: Live
To Cure: A broken heart
Keywords: Collingwood, The Tote, Music, Folk
Only Human
What:
Only Human
Who:
Brendan Huntley
Where:
Hell Gallery, 5a Railway Pl (behind Coles Supermarket on Swan St), Richmond
When:
Opening Fri Mar 6, 6pm-late
Exhibition runs until Mar 28, Sat 12-5pm only
Brendan Huntley is an animist - someone who believes that inanimate objects have souls. But he's not a hippie - he has a garage rock band called Eddy Current Suppression Ring. By now you've probably heard of them - they are loud, popular and a power for good. To recap then, he's not a hippie but he believes in the deep immanent souls of trees and rocks and, most especially, jugs, teapots, gravyboats, cups and other domestic vessels.
Huntley's gods have given him special communion with the ceramic objects associated with the mid-twentieth-century tea service - previously these rites were performed by your nanna but these days things have gotten so bad it's fallen to unwashed rock'n'rollers to maintain our connection with the Domestic Holy.
Huntley's animistic practice channels the divine to better understand the mundane. Only Human - or as Neitzsche put it, Human, All Too Human - lets lumpen clay, wrought by cruel fire and brought to crude limping life by their glazed and coloured faces, speak on our behalf. The inanimate explains what it is to be imperfect, mundane, fearful, lustful, joyous, soulful. Human, all too human.
Medium: Mixed
Drink: Anything, as long as you look good holding it
Keywords: Hell Gallery, Brendan Huntley
A Relative Distance - a new work by Tin & Ed
What:
A Relative Distance - a new work by Tin & Ed
Where:
Lamington Drive, 89 George St, Fitzroy
When:
Opening TONIGHT! Thurs Mar 5, 6-9pm
Exhibition runs until Mar 28
Tin & Ed's first solo show, A Relative Distance, is also collaborative. The exhibition reveals the documentation of a workshop in which the artists placed time and material restraints upon a group of friends from different creative backgrounds to encourage randomness and spontaneity, and as a means of giving up control over the final outcome.
However, in this ‘lack of control' we find qualities that are distinctly Tin & Ed, and begin to wonder about the ways autonomy and the accidental can actually co-exist. Through a combination of puppetry and social curatorship, collective consciousness is fostered, coherency is attained, and predictability is still avoided.
This is not to say that their experiment hasn't been successful, not at all. Instead, what A Relative Distance reasserts is that, in the right conditions, no experiment can be a failure.
Medium: Design
Drink: Long neck in a paper bag
Keywords: Art, Fitzroy, Lamington Drive, Tin & Ed
Penthouse Mouse 2009
What:
Penthouse Mouse 2009
Where:
The Capitol South Yarra, cnr Chapel St and Toorak Rd
When:
Every day from March 7-22, 10am-9pm daily. Launching tomorrow but they have too many RSVPs. You won't get in, it will be chaos. Go to one of their events next week instead! Sign up to get invites here
"Dear Penny. As part of the LMFF Cultural Program, I will be sewing a button back onto that jacket I got from Savers. No, the Brunswick one. Anyway, it will be happening next Tuesday if you want to come over. Let me know if you require more information or images."
Okay, so everybody south of Albury-Wodonga is part of the L'Oreal Melbourne Fashion Festival Cultural Program. And I, for one, welcome our new LMFF overlords. But we at ThreeThousand feel that one event rises above the fashion-fashion fracas. And that event is Penthouse Mouse.
Every year, moth design sets up a shop / exhibition space / party venue for 'unofficial' stuff during LMFF and every year it gets better. This time the labels include Trimapee, Limedrop, Who Am Eye, Secret Squirrel and Kuwaii - and that's not including accessories. The exhibiting artists list is even longer.
One of the sponsors is AGWA. I will be drinking a shot of it next Wednesday then stumbling around for maybe an hour as part of the LMFF Cultural Program. Let me know if you require more information or images.
Product: Fashion
Anatomy: Whole body
Keywords: Art, Penthouse Mouse, Fashion, LMFF
Craig's posters
What:
Craig's posters
Where:
Windsor
When:
Right now probably, for all we know
How much:
If Craig takes you bowling and you want to bring a friend, they will have to pay for themselves.
UPDATE: Hmmm, it appears Craig is not from the future, apologies to Todd Lamb, who invented this idea in NYC.
Trapped somewhere between the icky end of Chapel and the super scary possibly fatal crossing experience that is Dandenong Road lies Craig's home. I don't know who Craig is, but I hope he will read this. He made my day as I pounded the Windsor pavements, fuelled only by a vodka & schnapps smoothie from Yellow Bird.
We have so much in common. Craig's grannie is a bit deaf, mine is dead. He likes banana Big Ms, I like chocolate ones. He loves doing stuff, unless it involves kites or cheese, I once flew a kite into some overhead cabling and almost electrocuted myself. I think he has my copy of Metro, I wondered where that got to. I think maybe Craig is me, from the future.
Craig, I start work at three and like licking the lids of yoghurts. I once worked in the nursing home near Windsor station making breakfast for 80 senile seniors. One of them, Betty, had lost her dog. She just couldn't find it anywhere. Meet me in the car park behind Coles at 1.15 next Wednesday and we'll look for him together. His name is Barnstable. Barney for short. If you're me, you'll already know all this of course.
Ambience: Spooky
Difficulty: Exertion will pay off
Keywords: Windsor
The Radical Grocery Store
What:
The Radical Grocery Store
Where:
347 Sydney Rd, Brunswick
When:
Tues-Fri 10am-7pm, Sat 11am-6pm, Sun 12-5pm
Contact:
9077 5512 or here
Contrary to my editor's beliefs, I'm not a super patriotic person. I just miss things about my home country, and bring them up in the douchiest way possible. It's a coping mechanism I believe, because I don't have enough mac and cheese coursing through my veins. But I concede, I am also a total dick. That's not the point this time though. The point is the States are kicking Australian ass in this whole cheap and organic food stores trend.
Places like Whole Foods are all over the United States. These aren't your mom and pop organic grocers that charge you an arm and a leg for a cucumber they picked right from their wheelchair. No, no, these stores are like a Safeway full of such affordable, quality goods that even the hippies can't complain.
Well the idea is alive and well in Brunswick, and, while it's no warehouse, The Radical Grocery does provide cheap and conscience-soothing goods. Their aim is to sell vegan, organic, fair-trade, recycled, natural, and local products (woah) and they run on 100% green energy, so just walking in the door made me feel like I was doing something green. Thankfully it didn't involve growing nappy dreadlocks or calling myself a buffalo soldier.
Venue: One stop shop
Meal: All day
Keywords: Organic, Vegetarian, Brunswick
They Shoot Horses Don't They
What:
They Shoot Horses Don't They
Where:
WARDLOW Art Residence, 4 Wood St, Fitzroy
When:
Launching TONIGHT! 7.30-midnight
How much:
Free!
Description:
Amazing Berlin artist Stephan Balleux has been making some scary-ass art in Melbourne for a while now and he's launching it tonight at the WARDLOW warehouse. It's beautiful and horrible; it's big and intricate; it is, as they say, painting about painting. Now if you care about that stuff you are going to LOVE this event. But if you care about other stuff, like drinking, and where to go after you trash the carpark at Lamington Drive tonight, you are also going to LOVE this event. Go to the event. - PM
Event: Exhibition
Stimulus: Cheap Beer/Drinks
Dan Deacon with Baseball and Ouch My Face
What:
Dan Deacon with Baseball and Ouch My Face
Where:
The Tote, 71 Johnston St, Collingwood
When:
Thu Mar 5, 8pm
How much:
$20 +BF
Description:
You know what we just found out? There are some caucasian people in Baltimore too! I mean, it took four seasons of The Wire for one to get elected Mayor and there was that one white junkie who was a total screwup, but still. And Dan Deacon is here to prove that while crack might have a hold on the inner city, he has a hold on the indie electronic dance scene. Go to this show, get close to Dan, and be amazed at his crowd control. It's going to be so good. - PC
Event: Bands
Stimulus: E
Keywords: Mistletone Records, Dan Deacon, The Tote, Collingwood
Quintron with Miss Pussycat with Ooga Boogas (album launch) and Super Wild Horses
What:
Quintron and Miss Pussycat with Ooga Boogas (album launch) and Super Wild Horses
Where:
The John Curtin Hotel, 29 Lygon St, Carlton
When:
Fri Mar 6, doors 8.30pm
How much:
$12
Description:
There is a serious lack of puppetry in today's art scenes. It's a historic art form and dates back to 30,000 B.C., so why is it missing in this generation? To help answer that, Quintron and Miss Pussycat will prove that puppets can be way cooler than just what Bill Henson did. And if that is not enough, Brendan from Eddy Current says they are maybe his favourite band at the moment so that counts for something, right? - PC
Event: Bands
Stimulus: C
Keywords: Curtin Bandroom, Carlton
The Scare, The Process, Last Gypsys and Mercury Rev DJs at US vs THEM
What:
The Scare, The Process, Last Gypsys and Mercury Rev DJs at US vs THEM
Where:
Roxanne, Lvl 3, 2 Coverlid Pl, Melbourne
When:
Fri Mar 6, doors 9pm
How much:
$10 entry, $8 Coopers long necks all night
Description:
We're supposed to be writing about the bands but instead we're writing about THE ROXANNE SMOKING AREA! IT'S OPENING ON FRIDAY! This is big news Larry. WhereTF did they put it? Did Alex drill a tunnel up to the roof? Did he smash through the wall using only an axe and his bottled-up, smoking-ban rage? Either way, I will be sucking down my vintage 16mg Marlboroughs to celebrate. Bring your goggles. Meanwhile, The Process and Last Gypsys will be as hot as they always are, Mercury Rev DJs will play the "freak-psych 'n' punk rock 'n' avant-pop records" they lugged here from NYC and The Scare will play songs from their new album produced with Daniel Johns. (Don't worry, he won't be there.) - PM
Event: Bands & DJs
Stimulus: Nostalgia
Keywords: Smoking, Roxanne, The Process
Bohemian Masquerade Ball
What:
Bohemian Masquerade Ball
Where:
Thornbury Theatre, 859 High St, Thornbury
When:
Sat Mar 7, doors 7pm, first act 8pm
How much:
$25 on the door, $20 +BF here. First 30 people through the door free!
Description:
None of us gets to dress like Vince from The Boosh as often as we would like. So, $25 or not, we recommend seizing upon this Masquerade Ball opportunity. The acts look wild - from gypsy deathcore to Curse Ov Dialect. It might be full of free jazz fans, it might be full of evil grannies. The beauty of it is you won't know until you get one of them home. And then you can just force Naboo to do his shrinking spell. - PM
Event: Party
Stimulus: crazy
Keywords: Thornbury Theatre
Gomorrah - Bushfire Fundraising Screening
What:
Gomorrah - Bushfire Fundraiser Screening
Where:
ACMI Cinemas, Fed Square, Melbourne
When:
Sat Mar 7, 2pm
How much:
$20/$25 here
Description:
So you want to help the bushfire-devastated, but partying isn't much your bag. You don't like the gigs or the internet videos. Well here's your moment, cineast. Melbourne's screen culture institutions are putting on a one-off screening of Matteo Garrone's award-winning Gomorrah. If you love Underbelly or The Wire, you'll be into this drama about five foolios who think they can cut deals with the Camorra - the Italian mafia who have killed 4,000 people in the past three years. Yet to be released in Australia, Gomorrah won the Grand Prix at Cannes. Australian actor Nina Landis (City Homicide, The Hollowmen) will introduce this screening, and there'll be a package of short films from the Australian Film Television and Radio School. Pre-book your tickets though because it's selling faster than Nigerian cocaine into Naples. - MC
Event: Film
Stimulus: The real live world
The New Order Magazine launch party
What:
The New Order Magazine launch party
Where:
Marker Gallery, 159 Johnston St, Collingwood
When:
Sat Mar 7, 6-9pm
How much:
Free!
Description:
Looks like a new magazine heavyweight has hit town. Move over, um, other magazine heavyweights, The New Order is here! It's a quarterly art and fashion magazine and it's getting launched this week all around the world. Apparently contributors include Aaron ‘A-Ron the Downtown Don' Bondaroff, and Aaron Rose. And that's just the AAs. This issue features Ian Astbury of The Cult, Richard Prince, Nate Lowman, Geoff McFetridge and O.H.W.O.W. As well as Australian creatives Jonathan Zawada, Joseph Allen (curator at Monster Children) and Misha of Perks and Mini. All those dudes. It's produced by some guys from SlamXHype and it's launching on Saturday. - PM
Event: Launch
Stimulus: Cheap Beer/Drinks
180 Seconds in (Disco) Heaven or Hell
What:
180 Seconds in (Disco) Heaven or Hell
Where:
Arts House, Meat Market, 5 Blackwood St, North Melbourne
When:
Sun Mar 8, 7.30pm-late (with intervals)
How much:
$10
Description:
The Fondue Set take traditional ideas about dance, dress them up in polyester shirts and calls them Tony. Yes they are bringing the party vibes to DANCE MASSIVE with 180 Seconds in (Disco) Heaven or Hell with promises including ‘nudity', ‘possible bad dance moves' and some super club-style ‘strobe and haze effects'. There are more guarantees of a good time in their warnings then you'll get at any other party invite around town. A veritable iPod shuffle of entertainment, each of the different dances is kept under three minutes and they cover off everything from bhangara to ballroom. Whatever your attention span this is one inferno you don't wanna twitter and miss. - SC
Event: Performance
Stimulus: E
Keywords: Dance, Music, The Fondue Set
Splitfoot, Krusanthemon, 8008 and Acid Casualty
What:
Splitfoot, Krusanthemon, 8008 and Acid Casualty
Where:
Lvl 2, Nicholas Building, cnr Flinders Lane and Swanston St, Melbourne
When:
Tues Mar 10, 7pm
How much:
gold coin donation
Description:
Four of the city's cream, art-leaning punk outfits perform on Level 2 of the Nicholas Building this Tuesday for a sue. Splitfoot (like Young Marble Giants meaning bleaker business), Khrusanthemon (a cosmic pedals offshoot project of ThreeThousand favourites Super Star), 8008 (a mysterious, spooked saxophone act) and Acid Casualty (belting hardcore scree after Teenage Jesus and the Jerks' psych-sexy model) all perform, united by a will to get moody, free and experimental. Step sideways for some real and restless, minimal and curious homegrown gear. - Us.
Event: Bands
Stimulus: C
Clem Bastow discusses blogging
What:
Clem Bastow discusses blogging
Where:
City Library, 253 Flinders La, Melbourne
When:
Wed Mar 11, 6-7.45pm
How much:
Free! Bookings essential, phone 9658 9500
Description:
City Library Street Press is a very popular free workshop series and you know it's quality because they didn't ask us to make a speech. Whatevs, we're cool. No it's fine. Clem Bastow knows a lot more about the internets anyway. She is 24-hours-live on that shit louder than Mr S. O'Neal. She's won awards, she's blogged for The Age, she's a founder of The Dawn Chorus. We asked her what would be up with the talk. She said, "The yart of blogging. So, I guess, how to do it, building networks, no spinning GIFs, etc." We said, "What's wrong with GIFs?!" She said, "Maybe I should bring it back? Along with Angelfire websites and auto-loading MIDI files..." We said, "Haha, yeh we totally know. Hah! Heh. Okaybai." Then we booked a spot at the workshop. - PM
Event: Performance
Stimulus: Cordial
Keywords: Blog, City Library, Workshop
Lover loves a lot of things, and that's why we love them. Not only do they love to create original and fairly modest clothing that still makes you look like, um let's see, a BABE, they continuously bring us a mixture of cinematic motivation, pop culture, and paper stuff. We also love Lover because in times of economic decline, they're clearly on our side. On Saturday March 7 and Sunday March 8, Lover are having their first ever Melbourne jumble sale!
It's at Level 1, 568 Oxford Street (off Chapel), South Yarra, with 75% of new, old and rare stuff. We've got two $100 vouchers to give away to those feeling the recession depression. To enter, just answer the following question...
This week's question:
I'm so poor I
a) havta walk ten mile to mill
b) havta get up 4am, two hours before I go to bed, walk ten mile to mill, pay mill owner to let me work there
c) eat the bromide rice at Crossways
d) asked to get in free at the bushfire fundraiser
Send your answer, name and mailing address to win@threethousand.com.au. Winners will be notified by email. Subscriber only entry. Not a subscriber? Eeeeep! Sign up here.
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