Wednesday 23th July
Even for a trashy, classless whore, love is the real thing. Oooh the real thing. (Even better than the real thing.) This week we're looking at porn without genitals, watching wives go bad, reading about sex and pine needles, fetishising old vinyl, and begging for dates to the Senior Prom.
ThreeThousand 165 - can you feel the love tonight
Cover image by Phoebe Quirk. If you would like to submit a cover shot that would be rad. Email photo@threethousand.com.au.
Lego Steven Hawking
True Norwegian Black Metal
Part of the Weekend Never Dies
Ye Rin Mok
Sesame Street Old School
Devo and Eddy Current
Tell us what's cool
cool@twothousand.com.au
Long Awkward Posing
Axed Beijing Time Out
Passive aggressive appetizers
Birkenstocks
Sesame Street censorship
Steve-O from Jackass
Tell us what's fool
fool@twothousand.com.au
Dynamite in Black and White
It's hard to imagine a tougher task than capturing Hot Little Hands on disk. Their sound ranges so much: one minute it's swimming with swampy cymbally synth, the next trumpets are blaring and you're at the fair. You could almost argue that if there was a signature HLH moment, it would be the sudden, and wonderfully nonsensical shifts in tone, pace, tempo, everything.
A standout Jekyl and Hyde moment like this is in 'Easy Way Out', when they break out of a nice, smooth, precisely syncopated synth/drum machine beat and sweet harmonised vocals into a deranged echo wall of sound that it's impossible to find all the instruments in, and that Phil Spector would be intimidated by.
I'll come clean. There is nothing objective about this review. I've been listening to the hands for at least a couple of years. Since they started really. And I love them. In that time their sound has evolved and become more complex and interesting in a way that is testament to their imagination, curiosity and the hard working, consummate musicians they are. That's why I think it's such a miracle that Dynamite in Black and White not only does them justice, it truly captures what they are about.
Release: Album
To Cure: An empty dancefloor
Keywords: Rubber Records, Hot Little Hands
MIFF - Jack's Wife (1973)
What:
MIFF - Jack's Wife (1973)
When:
Tues Aug 5, 9:15pm
Where:
MIFF at ACMI Cinemas
Book tickets:
Here
Win:
We have 3 dbl passes to give away! To enter, email win@threethousand.com.au with the subject line 'ideological jackhammering'
From the moment they first shuffled across the grainy screen of Night of the Living Dead, zombies became synonymous with George Romero. Since he injected new monstrosity into a feared favourite, the excitement surrounding his zombie films is so frenzied that it's easy to forget he made anything else.
This year MIFF pays suitable homage to both Romero's zombie output and his adventures outside the domain of slow-moving brain eaters - and offers the rare opportunity to see Jack's Wife uncut and on the big screen. Alternatively titled Season of the Witch (Halloween III fans take note), it follows a bored suburban housewife and her introduction to witchcraft. Parallels to the zeitgeist-defining feminist movement of the sixties and seventies aren't exactly oblique, and, like the similarly themed Invasion of the Bee Girls and The Stepford Wives, it wears its political agenda on its sleeve.
This dark, weird film shows a different George Romero than his showy zombie glitz, but don't be afraid - there are still popcorn thrills aplenty amongst the ideological jackhammering. One screening only, so get shuffling.
Format: Festival
Mood: Nostalgic
Keywords: MIFF, George Romero
Bonjour Tristesse (Hello Sadness)
What:
Bonjour Tristesse (Hello Sadness)
Where:
Here or secondhand bookshops or eBay
How much:
New around $12
First edition $30-$1000 on eBay
First editions are like virgins in a brothel: sought after, rarely fondled and destined to live out their days in a basement somewhere. Thankfully, these beauties can still be found in second-hand bookstores, or if you're lucky enough (hint), will come to you from a dear friend...
Bonjour Tristesse takes the reader to the South of France through the scheming eyes of Cécile, a 17-year-old hedonist on vacation with her father Raymond, the sensual and fetching widower, and his conservative mistress, Elsa. However, a third person is introduced into the otherwise routine romance between Raymond and Elsa; an old flame, Anne. Oh, that's original, a ménage à trois ... merci, Sagan.
Assuming the role of Cécile's surrogate mother, Anne pressures her to spend the summer studying instead of fornicating in pine needles with her first love, Cyril. Infuriated, Cécile plots Anne's demise, using Elsa and Cyril as pawns, and ruining her father's only chance of finding true love, in Anne.
Beautifully written by an eighteen-year-old Sagan (who, ironically, failed her Sorbonne exams and chose to write this book), Bonjour Tristesse is for the pessimist, romantic or adolescent at heart.
Sex and pine needles, sex and pine needles.
Format: Book
Motivation: Good with a whiskey in the bath
Keywords: French, Literature
Sunshine & Grease launch festival
What:
Sunshine & Grease launch festival
Where:
Bus Gallery, 117 Little Lonsdale St, Melbourne
When:
Launch festival: Sat July 26, 2 - 11.30pm, Sun July 27, 2-9pm
Shop hours: Thurs 12-6pm, Fri 12-8pm, Sat 12-6pm
How much:
Cheap cheap! $7 on door
There was once a certain rock band who intentionally produced an album that was so left-field that their heavyweight record company, Virgin, had to break their contract and pay them a cool million under the table just to prevent it being released. These talented swindlers released a song called ‘Sunshine & Grease' and this is the name of the print, music and film store opening up within the intimate walls of the Bus Gallery this Thursday (at midday).
It may be on level two, but S&G is all for the underground - that means new and second hand art books, fanzines, comics, novels, records and dvds that come from the more obscure corners of culture. These guys think locally not lucratively, but are in need of some green to get going. So they're throwing a fundraiser festival this weekend at the gallery with nineteen Melbourne music acts, including Always and JK Fuller, and as well an artist raffle full of works by Melburnites like Dylan Martorell and Harriet Morgan. Throughout most of the merriment the store will be open for perusal.
Sunshine & Grease deserves your attention; much more so than strychnine and geese.
Product: Music
Anatomy: Brain
Keywords: Bus Gallery, Second Hand, Festival
3D Notepad
RB: Can we write a 3D review within a 2D template?
NS: We aren't writing in 3D. We're just reviewing the 3D experience, in 2D... hmm.
RB: But will people be able to get a feel for the experience? I mean, reading this now, everyone is probably going "ho hum". But if they were wearing the glasses and I was writing this on a 3D drawing pad, they would be like "HOLY CRAP! HE'S WRITING IN 3D!!!!'
NS: But what if you're colour blind? Can you still wear 3D glasses?
RB: I believe you can. The lenses filter out the light reaching each eye, so it does not matter what color the viewer perceives once the light gets to the eye.
NS: Did you just google that?
RB: Yes.
Product: Objects
Theft: Theft is a risk
Keywords: Design
Official Festival Selections
Dragging one's ass out of bed might be necessary for the film festival, even if you do it Schembri-style in a pair of trackies and a matching snarl. But there is another option (not for you, Schembri, you've made your bed so, um, you know).
Our friends at Siren Visual released a little guide outlining their particularly bizarre and awesome porn-meets-samurai-meets-nerd catalogue. Apart from demonstrating the potential of DVD to enrich your lazy ass, it contains a festival lover's guide to Australia, authored by Filmink magazine and a rare foray into print by the ThreeThousand team.
Sure, you're not invited to the MIFF launch, console yourself by sitting upon your couch (and the intellectual highground) in the company of Jisoe, Alejandro and Ichi The Killer.
Product: Objects
Theft: Theft is likely
Pinku Eiga
What:
thevine.com.au presents Pinku Eiga
Where:
Don't Come Gallery, Lvl 2 Royal Arcade, 314 Lt Collins St, Melbourne
When:
Launches NEXT WEEK! Wed July 30, 6-9pm
Exhibition runs until Aug 9
How much:
Free!
Japanese dude: Oh hello, can I please have a DVD of locally produced soft porn?
Japanese porn purveyor: There it is man. Over there next to Astro Boy.
Dude: No. It's not.
Japanese porn purveyor: Yeh. It is.
Dude: But there's no pubic hair on the cover! I'm looking for genitals here.
Japanese porn purveyor: You have to imagine the genitals.
Dude: Oooh, kinky.
Due to censorship laws, Japanese soft porn produced from the ‘60s to the ‘90s featured no ‘working parts'. Pink Film, or Pinku Eiga developed into a genre of subtle inference, sidestepping (in a way that Sam Newman will never fully grasp), the ugliness of pubic hair. Curated by Misha Glisovic, this exhibition of vintage Pinku Eiga posters allows you to dip your toe into the twisted-though-weirdly-clean world of Japanese soft porn. They're in Japanese too, so you'll have to imagine the titles (think Go, Go Second Time Virgin, and Terrifying Girls' High School). Dirty, yes. But only as dirty as you are.
Medium: Design
Drink: Anything, as long as you look good holding it
Keywords: Don't Come
MAX GRR!
What:
MAX GRR!
Where:
Centre Place (off Flinders Lane)
When:
Wed July 23 and Thurs July 24
How much:
Free! Bookings essential. Request invitation by emailing max@theintervention.com
A Melbourne-shot adaptation of Where the Wild Things Are has been postponed to be ‘lightened up' but artists have meanwhile banded together to fix Sendak enthusiasts with the wild. MAX GRR! is brought to the Melbourne International Design Festival by an architect, a choreographer and a dancer. Revolving around Sendak's famed children's fable, this installation of melded art forms in Centre Place will be filled with as much narrative as it is medium.
Architect Ben Edwards, choreographer Kate Stanley and dancer Fiona Bryant have played with Centre Place's dankness, it's high-walled shadows and natural nightly eeriness to pull Sendak's story of Max's mischief and his monstrous encounters out of the pages and into a choreographed performance. The experiential nature of the piece means there'll be a restricted number of audience members circulating at any given time. So you'll need to book.
Ambience: Outdoor
Difficulty: Exertion will pay off
Keywords: Centre Pl, Performance, Design Festival
Cumulus Inc
What:
Cumulus Inc.
Where:
45 Flinders La, Melbourne
When:
Mon-Fri 7am - 11pm, Sat 9am-11pm
How much:
Kinda pricey but manageable in small doses
It is said that there is a point in anyone's success when your formula is known (1). Seinfeld in season 7, The Simpsons since Homer stole Bart's limelight (2) or Alex Perry having his sunglasses surgically implanted on his head (3).
Chef Andrew McConnell is certainly en route to such success, based on a foundation of undeniably fabulous food served in designed spaces courtesy of wife Pascale Gomes-McNabb (who was clearly christened with profession in mind). Cumulus Inc. is their latest, and devotees and the epicurious have already started congregating en masse, though it's an orderly, intellectual, curatorial masse (4) it must be said (this is the arty end of Flinders Lane after all).
Whether food or alcohol is the fetish, Gomes-McNabb has got your back, as one bar allows drinkers to ogle barmen working with liquor and another sees diners facing the open kitchen, as chefs shuck their oysters and slice their slow cooked pork. No longer a word only for the mouths of Rob Gel and occasionally Mike Larkin, Cumulus may soon well be a part of the vernacular for everyday folk like you and I.
1. James Cameron, breakfast, July 18th 2008
2. ibid
3. You know it's true.
4. Cameron, op. cit.
Venue: Restaurant
Meal: All day
Keywords: Flinders Lane
Gorker Gallery wine tasting
What:
Gorker Gallery wine tasting
Where:
Gorker Gallery, Cnr of Gore St and Kerr Sts, Fitzroy
When:
TONIGHT! Wed July 23, 6-7pm
How much:
Free!
Description:
Free booze. Yes, free booze. And it's all thanks to the generous folks at Austins Wines. But wait there's more... a free set of kitchen knives. Actually, there's the comic book influenced illustrations of emerging Australian artist Nate Holmes Trapnell. His hand-drawn hot rod pieces are far superior in bitchin'ness to anything you've seen in Pimp My Ride.
Nate's exhibition is entitled The Fine Line and its last night is tonight! So if you want to enjoy a few glasses of the grapey stuff and see some bitchin' renderings, done entirely with fine-liners, hustle on down to Gorker. Go now! - SN
Event: Exhibition
Stimulus: Free booze & Food
Keywords: Gorker Gallery, Illustration, Fitzroy
Iron Designer
What:
Iron Designer
Where:
New Ballroom, Trades Hall, cnr Victoria and Lygon Sts, Carlton
When:
Wed July 23, 7-9pm
How much:
$10/$15 here
Description:
Did you know that an Iron Chef America video game, Supreme Cuisine, is currently being developed for the Wii and Nintendo DS? It will feature "a series of fast-paced and intense culinary challenges" and include the likeness of Mark Dacascos. But greater news awaits. An Iron Chef spin off launches during State of Design next Wednesday. Iron Designer pits a bunch of Melbourne studios against one another to 'design a verb'. Cheaper than fois gras, and weirder. The studios include Chase & Galley, Pip & Co, The Co-op, and 3 Deep Design. Robert Buckingham, Esther Anatolitis and Richard Watts will stand in for Chairman Kaga. There won't be any Iron Designers for the winners to challenge once they've beaten the general pool. (No-one could convince Garry Emery to leave work before 8pm.) - PM
Event: Exhibition
Stimulus: C
Stop. Drop. Roll. Presents: The Visible Ink Fundraiser
What:
Stop. Drop. Roll. Presents: The Visible Ink Fundraiser
Where:
The Glasshouse, 51-55 Gipps St, Collingwood (just off Wellington, in between Johnston and Victoria Sts)
When:
Thurs July 24, 8pm-1am
How much:
$5
Description:
Can anyone party like a Keith! Party can party? You can give it your best, but it ain't going to be easy. With Talkshow Boy at the helm of the beats, things are sure to get wild when this all MCing, all dancing, party juggernaut of colourful misfits visits Collingwood. With an ever increasing number of members it can be hard to see where they begin and the crowd ends, but this is exactly why they are so much fun; they can make anyone's white cracker ass shake. Duck Duck Chop and The Swindlers provide the loud balls to this party stew. Oh, and a short film is being filmed so dance hard or go home. - KO
Event: Party
Stimulus: E
Keywords: Literature, Collingwood
Is Not Senior Prom
What:
Is Not Senior Prom
Where:
37 A'Beckett St, Melbourne (it's a warehouse-cum-school gym)
When:
Fri July 25, 6pm-1pm
How much:
$5 at the door, cheap beer, wine and punch
Description:
If you only ever read about tulle skirts, corsages and slow dancing in Sweet Valley High books, Is Not Magazine are giving you two more days to find a date for the Senior Prom. The brains behind Is Not have rolled out their very last issue and each moving on to other, more economically reasonable projects - call it a rite of passage if you like. So it's only fitting that the final fundraising party is a prom complete with pole dancing courtesy of Tin&Ed and friends, a semi-professional prom-portrait photographer, SEXFACE live, DJs Manchild, Opulent, Bromance, Plump 'n' Rosie and ThreeThousand. The best dressed / best dancers of each gender will be crowed prom king and queen. Tears will spill. Corsages will fall in the toilet, but you'll remember it for the rest of your life. - ID
Event: Party
Stimulus: C
Keywords: Is Not Magazine
Sabbatical presents: Breathing Shrine
What:
Sabbatical presents: Breathing Shrine
Where:
Forepaw Gallery, 275 High Street, Northcote
When:
Fri July 25, first band starts 8pm sharp
How much:
$5 (or thereabouts)
Description:
Sabbatical presents a night of haunting sounds with power-duo Breathing Shrine making a rare live appearance. Featuring the dual attack of Rob Mayson and Bonnie Mercer from the mighty Grey Daturas, Breathing Shrine takes the audience to brink (and sometimes over). Also by the show also features the fine work of Family Jewels, Krystkrvstoffiston, Absoluten Calfeutrail and Blarke Bayer.
Event: Bands
Stimulus: A
Keywords: Northcote, Noise, Experimental
Wrestlerock vs. KISStroyer
What:
Wrestlerock vs. KISStroyer
Where:
The HiFi Bar, 125 Swanston St, Melbourne
When:
Fri July 25, doors 8pm
How much:
$20
Description:
Whatcha gonna do brother, when the 24 inch pythons run wild on you? Do you wanna rock and roll all night, and party every day? If you appreciate the buttloads of awesome inherent in the last two sentences, then do we have a show for you. What could be cooler than spending a cold wintry Friday night watching some oiled up musclemen in tights have a good old slap and cuddle, while being serenaded by four other men in make-up and blow-dried hair? No, not like that, (although if you're free Thursday we might be able to fit you in), we are talking about the majesty of professional wrestling and KISS cover bands. If any of you are concerned about your sexuality, there will be strippers there also. Srsly. Wrestling, strippers, fake KISS. What a town. - AK
Event: Exhibition
Stimulus: sound the horns!
Favela Rock
What:
Favela Rock
Where:
Miss Libertine, 34 Franklin St, Melbourne
When:
Sat July 26, doors 9.30pm
How much:
$10
Description:
There are many ways to clean a sneaker. However, most of these are inglorious. Such as Napisan, leather paint, the rough side of a tongue, what have you. So wear beaters to Favela because getting your drank on that cheap can mean getting dinner on your feet. (Drink specials this month include $5 shots of Agwa or Tequila before midnight.) The FR dream team of Mafia, Ooh Ee, Young Steezy and Edo return. If it ain't broke, don't fix it. If it ain't stained, don't bleach it. - PM
Event: Party
Stimulus: E
Keywords: Opulent, Favela Rock, Sneakers
Sweet Jelly Roll
What:
Sweet Jelly Roll
Where:
Bella Union, Trades Hall, 54 Victoria St, Carlton
When:
Sat July 26, 8pm
How much:
$10 at the door
Description:
Words cannot describe the shake-your-tail-featherly gorgeous woman featured on the flyer of this next episode of Sweet Jelly Roll. She's bare-bellied, clad in a pointed bra - she's shaking to something that'll be played on the night of Sweet Jelly Roll, no doubt; something swingable, something straight out of Memphis. One can only dream the woman on the flyer will come to life, stamping her pumps on a tabletop at Bella Union. - ID
Event: Party
Stimulus: C
Keywords: Trades Hall
Tomas Ford (will try not to hurt you)
What:
Tomas Ford (will try not to hurt you) with Casionova and Talkshow Boy
Where:
Wesley Anne, 250 High St, Northcote
When:
Sat July 26, doors 8.30pm (yes, he is also playing the 2am slot at Pony on Friday, but not all of us are so very young anymore)
How much:
$10
Win:
We have 2 dbl passes plus a copy each of the
limited tour CD "A Concise Introduction To Tomás Ford" to give away! To enter, email win@threethousand.com.au with the subject line ‘Kindly Do'
Description:
"If you haven't seen me play live, you haven't lived, as these reviews will tell you. So if I'm making the effort to come play near you, kindly do make the effort to come party down with me." He makes a point, but here is what someone other than Tomás has to say: "Ford starts his shows tweaking electro beats behind a fortress of milk crates and gadgetry. By the end he's launched himself all over the room, changed costumes, pulled an arsenal of jazz dance moves and invaded the personal space of everyone present." That's right. Jazz dance moves. Make room for this trashy, classless whore before your friends replace you. - PM
PS: We're assuming you remember who CASIONOVA is.
Event: Bands
Stimulus: E
Keywords: Electro
Angelique Houtkamp is the Sailor Jerry of our time - only better looking, Dutch and female. Her nautical themes run as deep as ol' Jerry's with swallows, snakes, daggers, skulls, pirates, mermaids, broken hearts and busty pin up girls all prominent. Houtkamp's spin on the classics is to combine them with the lesser-known mythology of Eastern Europe and an eerie beauty.
Her recently released book Tattoo Darling is a perfect companion for those looking for fresh ink ,as it is for those who'll just marvel at the clean lines in the safety of their living rooms.
In any event, we've got a copy of Angelique's book to giveaway, which depending on your outlook, could save you a tattoo trip to Amsterdam. To enter, just answer the following question.
This week's question:
What's the best thing you shouldn't do in Amsterdam?
a) Visit the red light district
b) Linger in a café for too long
c) Eat that cookie
d) Eat Patat Oorlog
To be in the running send your answer AND postal address to win@threethousand.com.au, winners will be notified by email. Subscriber only entry. Not a subscriber? No sweat. Sign up here.
ThreeThousand is a weekly snapshot of Melbourne's subculture, fired by email into the loving arms of people who realise that the best things in life are often hard to find. It is compiled by an amorphous gaggle of writers, stylists, designers and photographers who all like huddling under that big umbrella we like to call creativity. Without editorial independence ThreeThousand has nothing. All editorial you read is featured because it's worth it - not because it's paid for.
Advertising Partnerships:
ThreeThousand is a trusted and proven medium for advertisers to engage with Melbourne's most elusive individuals - our subscribers. Each issue offers one advertiser the opportunity to have sole presence in the e-newsletter. A variety of placements (three, to be exact) are also available on threethousand.com.au. For more information on advertising with ThreeThousand contact Francesco at frunch@rightanglepublishing.com and Robbie at robert@rightanglepublishing.com.
Feedback:
Have something to say? Then say it by emailing talk@threethousand.com.au
Disclaimer:
The information in ThreeThousand is subject to change. Although we attempt to ensure that the content at the time of publication is correct, we do not guarantee its accuracy or currency. Right Angle Publishing accepts no responsibility to you or anyone else arising from any use or reliance on the information contained in ThreeThousand or any inaccuracy in the information. The views and opinions expressed on material included in ThreeThousand may not reflect those of Right Angle Publishing.
Contact:
Right Angle Publishing
Level 6, Curtin House
252 Swanston Street
Melbourne, 3000
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ThreeThousand's MySpace:
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Group Publisher:
Barrie Barton
barrie@rightanglepublishing.com
Editor:
Penny Modra
penny@threethousand.com.au
Associate Editor:
Isabel Dunstan
isabel@threethousand.com.au
Editorial Assistant
Seb Neylan
seb@threethousand.com.au
Film Editor:
Martyn Pedler
martyn@threethousand.com.au
Music Editor:
Mark Gomes
mark@threethousand.com.au
READ Editor:
Kirsten Law
kirsten@rightanglepublishing.com
Design Monkeys:
tin&ed
Image and Web Monkey:
Remi Carette
Taran Hubbert
STREET Pics Monkeys:
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Contributing Monkeys:
Nadia Saccardo
Robert Barton
Alex Heller-Nicholas
Marissa Shirbin
Stuart Geddes
Robbie Coleman
Kieran O'Shea
Matt Hurst
James Cameron
Alvin Kumar
Gabe Knowles
Check out our 'Meet Me for a Drink' column in The Age EG liftout every Friday...
Meet Me For a Drink Monkeys:
Kirsten Law
Penny Modra
Simon Godfrey
Mark Gomes
Matt Hurst
Josh Gardiner
Isabel Dunstan
Ronan Macewan
Dale Campisi
Robbie Coleman
Richie '1250' Hebden
Kieran O'Shea
Seb Neylan
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