Wednesday 16th July
When you're a little hound in a big wide world, most everything is pretty full on. But what a way to live. Badges: big news. Soft Rock Sundays: hard core. Time Travel: not real. The ‘80s: still awesome. Heath Ledger: still dead.
ThreeThousand 164 - battle face
Cover image by Rick Milovanovic. If you would like to submit a cover shot that would be rad. Email photo@threethousand.com.au.
The Good The Bad & The Ugly
Back to the Future shoes
Jazz hands
Melbourne Open House
My Drive Thru
Ian Svenonius
Spelling with Google Earth
Christian The Lion
Matsuri. Gari Gari!
Tell us what's cool
cool@twothousand.com.au
The young, the sad and the ugly
Stormtrooper high heels
Dick-sucking leggings
Dr House
Tinu eat-in tray
Banksy
Photographing the lightning
The Pope
Umpire. Off his face.
Tell us what's fool
fool@twothousand.com.au
The Dark Knight
What:
The Dark Knight
When:
Opens Wednesday 16 July
Where:
Everywhere
See the official site:
Here
Win:
We have 5 dbl passes to give away. To enter, email win@threethousand.com.au with the subject line 'too much hype ain't enough'
Chances are you've already decided if you're interested in seeing The Dark Knight, so I'll keep this short.
This is pure pop-mythology. That doesn't mean it's lightweight - masks and costumes mean it's bigger, even deeper, than real life, and it earns every heavy second of its epic running time. It's almost awkward at first, but these jitters are exactly the point. Gotham City's morally-compromised heroes are barely keeping the thin layer of civilisation intact; once the Joker appears on screen, the film gets nervous. Suddenly it feels like anything can happen, and nothing will be okay.
There are reasons to avoid The Dark Knight - anti-commercial snobbery, been-there-done-that backlash, too - much - hype - but those reasons aren't enough.
Format: Cinema
Mood: Epic
Keywords: Heath Ledger, Batman
Is Not Magazine issue #11
What:
Is Not Magazine issue #11
Where:
On the streets from this weekend
Retrospective exhibition at 37 A'Beckett St, Melbourne
When:
Sun July 20 - Fri July 25, 12-8pm daily
Closing PARTY Fri July 25
How much:
Free entry
Is Not Magazine. A magazine. A poster. Known locally for insane parties and lauded internationally for original, prize-winning design: it confused the hell out of passers by. It fostered local artists and writers. Many a parent of Is Not contributors could proudly say "Well, at least my child has stopped burning hedges."
Having reclaimed public space since 2005, Is Not Magazine is closing its walls. The perishables have been trashed. The self-destruct sequence has been set. All the rugs have been sold. The kid is going home and taking his ball with him. In one final display of plumage, Is Not is holding a retrospective, starting Sunday as part of State of Design.
There will be a closing party next Friday, but go to the retrospective in the mean time to see these near-extinct beasts do an encore. After this their pelts will only ever be seen in private collections, pinned to trophy walls next to Billy Bass the singing fish.
Is Not Magazine's three-year elbowing for public wall space showed that subversion could be free, funny, inspiring, artistic and typographically beautiful. They did it all for you. They also did it for free donuts. Stand and stare once more at this non advertising. Be sold one last time.
Format: Magazine
Motivation: Improves creativity by osmosis
Volume 1, Wooden Shjips
What:
Volume 1
Who:
Wooden Shjips
On:
Holy Mountain
Where:
Missing Link
Related links:
'Dance California' video / MySpace
Jamming good - San Francisco's Wooden Shjips have all the sea rhythm and outsized heaviness their name suggests. Loving on the strung-out sounds of ‘60s dead flower psychedelic rock, these guys make no beef with dropping out completely - ploughing a riff into the red ad nauseam and deep into the earth. Sounding like a Les Razilles Denude cover band is a miraculous thing, but Wooden Shjips do it - and if that's the worst thing you can say about them, at the same time it's also the best. Dig on the hopped-up Doors organ, heaving bass, harsh riffing and general magma-heavy vibes here, tripper.
Volume 1 collects the group's early out-of-print vinyl material - six mammoth tracks arched as one huge smoke rainbow. 'Shrinking The Moon For You' is balls-to-the wall from the start - the simplest of riffs played at tearing volume for eight, juiced-up and humming minutes. 'Death's Not Your Friend' sedates The Modern Lovers' 'She Cracked' tune - bleeding it's guts, dancing on the skeleton - 'Space Clothes' is a twisted, Nembutal tape-mix downer, but then it's back to the endless feedback boogie with 'Clouds Over Earthquake' 'til closeout. Almost as heavy as a death in the family. See also: Bogan Dust (representing Melbourne).
Release: Album
To Cure: Hypertension
Keywords: Psych rock
Flux Capacitor
What:
Flux Capacitor
Where:
Utopian Slumps, 25 Easey St, Collingwood
When:
Opening Fri July 18, 6-9pm
Exhibition runs until Aug 19
How much:
Free!
Time travel. Not real. Someone really ought to tell the nerds who wrote the Wikipedia entry on Back to the Future. Along with an explanation of how the flux capacitor powers the DeLorean, there's a diagram on there explaining the inter-connected chain of effects of Doc and Marty's eight interventions in the space-time continuum.
Sorry dorks, time travel is only a metaphor. In the case of curatorial collective Pilot, it's one that lets them do plenty nifty stuff with lost, recreated, contested, and sometimes just plain phony histories. This awesome show includes Nat Thomas's entire rewrite of modernist art history by imagining Duchamp's bicycle wheel as a BMX one with spokey dokeys. Vin Ryan's drawn many beautiful illustrations to go with a bunch of kids' lost homework assignments. Lisa Radford and her Dad have built a beautiful swing because she never had one as a kid (that's sweet, isn't it?).
Memory, history, metaphor. Often these things make us a little nostalgic, because the past is another country, not a wormhole to drive a car at. So get down to see this show before it closes in three weeks. Because when it's gone you can't come back.
Medium: Mixed
Drink: Long neck in a paper bag
Keywords: Collingwood, Utopian Slumps
Badges by Stitch
What:
Badges by Stitch
Where:
Melbourne Design Market, Fed Square car park
When:
Sun July 20, 10am-5pm
How much:
Entry to market free!
Badges from $2
"I thought I was being punk'd when they said I could have a stall", responded designer Michael Pham when I asked him whether it was a pain in the ass to get a space at the Melbourne Design Market. The one-day-only event, put on by the Melbourne International Design Festival, houses stalls offering everything from jewellery, to lighting, to gadgets and Pham's badges.
Pham's a product designer with a self-diagnosed case of ‘hyperactive brain disorder' and has spent an unsavoury amount of hours fooling around on Adobe Illustrator. His badges make key social observations like ‘God spelt backwards is Dog' and profound personal statements like, ‘Yoda is my homeboy'. There's also a Melbourne set and a Type Writer set which testifies his love for Wagga and beards.
So if you want to grab a little piece of the design festival for yourself, but don't want to default on your rent, search out the Stitch stall - it's #28.
Product: Accessories
Theft: Theft is inevitable: Buy two
Keywords: Badges, Design Festival, Melbourne Design Market
We Love the ‘80s Sale
What:
We Love the ‘80s Sale
Where:
Upstairs at Glitzern, 1a Crossley St, Melbourne
When:
Thurs July 17, 5pm-8pm; Fri July 18, 12pm-8pm; Sat July 19, 12pm-5pm
How much:
Cash only!
It doesn't seem long ago that we were wincing at the angular, top-heavy fashions of the 1980s. According to Laver's Law, we should still be dismissing fashions of thirty years past as "amusing" - give it another twenty years and apparently we'd be describing ‘80s fads as "quaint".
Call Laver a dork and his ‘trend arch' piffle; power dressing has tiptoed back into wardrobes. The ladies of Glitzern have made it easier for friends of the deliciously chunky, and foes of the empty racks at Savers. Pump your pegs, Fonda-style, to the floor above Von Haus. Here you'll find racks of Issey Miyake's pleats and Sonia Rykiel's sweaters, Yves Saint Laurent treasures and labels that went out of business before the eighties were even done. Enough of Laver's Laws; welcome back the stuffy fabrics, rouched skirts, off-the-shoulder cuts and enough buccaneer frill to make Vivienne proud.
Product: Fashion
Anatomy: Whole body
Giant squid dissection
What:
Giant squid dissection
Where:
Melbourne Museum, Carlton Gardens
When:
Thurs July 17, 11.30am-1pm
How much:
Museum entry adult $6 / concession free
Remember science class in fifth period? Rushing to your desk after snatching a half-price hot food special, and discovering the surprisingly pukeadelic implications of sausage roll and frog intestines.
Think on a larger scale; 245 kilos of squid - only 30 kilos lighter than the largest giant squid ever found - being attacked (presumably with some sort of giant saw) by scientists. Undertaking a dissection in a public forum for the first time tomorrow, the Melbourne Museum staff will use video cameras and audio links to explain the squid quartering process to a squirming audience, while providing some insight into these little-known creatures.
For those who have bigger fish to fry, the dissection will be streamed live on the museum website. The 12-metre long beauty (not for long people, not for long) caught in June near Portland will contribute to the musuem's Marine Life: Exploring our Seas exhibition. Life and death. Puke and pathos. The squid and the pale.
Ambience: Indoor
Difficulty: Won't hurt a bit
Keywords: Carlton, Melbourne Museum
Laundry Mat #6
What:
Laundry Mat #6 - Yarraville Coin Laundry
Where:
206 Somerville Rd, Yarraville
How much:
$4 per wash
So this is it. The final laundry mat review. Over the last five weeks we've covered the inner west, south, north and east. For the grand finale I wanted to head into the city centre and do something a bit special. The laundry mat review to end all laundry mat reviews. Something that would bring the country to its knees.
Unfortunately, that plan fell apart. As it turns out, there are no laundrettes in the city centre. None. So after several minutes on Google Maps I admitted defeat, said ‘fuck it', and went with the place just down the road; Yarraville Laundry. Anticlimax, I know.
As it turns out, the local laundrette is the smallest, shittiest, most miserable place in the whole world. About the same size as a large bedroom, it boasts five washing machines, a couple of dryers and some tables.
If you suffered from claustrophobia you'd have a nervous breakdown waiting for the spin cycle to finish. Or you just wouldn't bother. I went with the latter option. Walking home with the unwashed laundry, I decided it was time to bite the bullet and buy a washing machine.
Ambience: Indoor
Difficulty: Won't hurt a bit
Keywords: Laundry Mat, Yarraville
'C' Grade (Time to Jam)
What:
'C' Grade (Time to Jam)
Where:
Basement 456 Queen St, Melbourne
When:
Launches Sat July 19, doors 9pm, then Saturdays every week.
How much:
9-10pm free, 10-11pm $5, 11-12pm $10, 12pm onward $15
'C' Grade will be an alphanumeric equivalent for Third Class. But it will be so much more than that. First of all, it's in a basement, so that's less effort right there. Brought to you by the guys who helped to bring us Justice last year, alongside M. Honky Tonks Delaney, ‘C' Grade is going to be wild in the kind of way that a bar with a drink called ‘The Hose' is wild.
We have seen the basement with our own eyes, but are yet to experience the ‘C' Grade upgrades. They allege that the bar is now a 'service slot', similar to an ATM (right on, who needs small talk? Will we have pins?) They have also come up with the excellent tagline ‘Time to Jam' (and not, we presume, in the free jazz way).
Weekly residents will include DJs Ooh Ee and Bongmist and The Rusty Trombones. Those who care little for hoo-ha and more for jamming shots through slots: your time has arrived.
Venue: Bar
Meal: Party Time
Beautiful Burnouts
What:
Beautiful Burnouts
Where:
Block Projects, Lvl 4 289 Flinders La
When:
Thurs July 17, 6pm-8pm
How much:
Free
Description:
See and hear the audio, visual convergence at the opening of Beautiful Burnouts. Here you'll experience the creative process first-hand, as the duo of Jeremy Kibel (Melbourne) and Giles Ryder (Sydney) put down the dusty old brush and paint with something less predictable: the turntable. No mindless DJ shenanigans going on here, though; Giles and Ryder explain that the endeavour is about ‘the sound of the painting and the sound of the vinyl, being played and painted simultaneously'.
It goes without saying then, that if Christian Marclay was in Melbourne right now he'd probably want to give each of these guys a high five. And so should you. - SN
Event: Exhibition
Stimulus: C
Keywords: Vinyl, Block Projects
CYM On the Road Beatnik Night
What:
CYM On the Road Beatnik Night
Where:
The Toff, Lvl 2, 252 Swanston St, Melbourne
When:
Thurs July 17, 9pm
How much:
$10 at the door
Description:
Bob Dylan once said that Kerouac's On the Road changed his life, "like it changed everyone else's." The written-in-three-weeks novel is now recognised as a pivotal text signifying Kerouac's beat generation. The kids behind Clean Young Mess yearn for the heady days of beatnik hedonism and when rock ‘n' roll was new. That's why they're throwing a party in ode to the beats with friends The Greasers, The Preytells, Oh Mercy and Frowning Clouds. - ID
Event: Bands
Stimulus: C
Keywords: The Toff in Town
Siris 2.0 (Cosmic Disco)
What:
Siris 2.0 (Cosmic Disco)
Where:
Loop, 23 Meyers Pl, Melbourne
When:
Fri July 18, 11pm-late
How much:
Free!
Description:
This is not only the sequel to Jonah DeMallory's fabulous Cosmic Disco mark #1, but also a showcase for DJs Travis Hobbs, Matt Hurst, Luke Brown, Pretty Magic and YaYo. It will be a magical night of silver disco-astronaut boots and other such Steven Hawking-meets-a social life accoutrements. Put it in your iPhone. - PM
Event: DJs
Stimulus: E
Spider Vomit, Zond, Beaches and Darren Sylvester
What:
Spider Vomit, Zond, Beaches and Darren Sylvester
Where:
The Old Bar, 74 Johnston St, Fitzroy
When:
Fri July 18, doors 8.30pm
How much:
$10
Description:
There is not much to say here except: Spider Vomit, Zond, Beaches and Darren Sylvester. You want adjectives? Sure, sure, that's our job, can't just sit here all day getting buck wild on beer samples from the mail pile. New Order flavour pop from Sylvester, heavy guitars from Beaches, feedback boogie from Zond, meltdown dual-vocal grunge from Spider Vomit. People too stoned to figure out which toilet to use. Loose women who'd sell your wiener for a point. These are the simple things that Sydney cannot offer. Take that, Oxford Street, Darlinghurst, you trumped up fluoro douche boulevard. - PM
Event: Bands
Stimulus: C
Keywords: Spider Vomit, The Old Bar, Fitzroy
The Lifted Brow issue #3 launch
What:
The Lifted Brow issue #3 launch
Where:
The Birmingham (indeed, a pattern is emerging), cnr Smith and Johnston Sts, Fitzroy
When:
Fri July 18, doors 8pm
How much:
$12 (this gets you a magazine)
Description:
These unstoppable Brisbane brightsparks are doing it again, putting us to shame with their wide-eyed bushiness. They're launching issue #3 of The Lifted Brow with Talkshow Boy, Washington, Jerry Falwell Destroyed Earth and DJ OK this Friday. They have made their own merch, and they will have this thing at the party where "You have your photo taken against this background, see, but first you crawl through the tunnel - actually, it might not sound that great over the phone." What is going on in QLD? It's just been up up up since Sir Joh fell off the perch. - PM
Event: Launch
Stimulus: sound the horns!
Van She Party
What:
Van She Party
Where:
Prince Bandroom, 29 Fitzroy Street, St Kilda
When:
Fri July 18, doors 9pm
How much:
$20 + BF. Get tickets here
Description:
I'm not going to say something as lame as: "there's no party like a Van She party", but when the boys from Van She throw a shindig in preparation for the release of their debut album, V, with a bunch of their friends like The Dirty Secrets, Ajax and Ooh-ee, you can be sure the evening will be frothing at the mouth with Modular mayhem.
Expect to see Van She in both their guises: in full band-mode as Van She live and, later on in the night, Van She Tech bring the ruckus from behind the decks. - SN
Event: Party
Stimulus: E
Keywords: Prince Bandroom, Modular, Van She
w h i t e . e l e p h a n t PARTY
What:
w h i t e . e l e p h a n t PARTY
Where:
3 Fishers La, Fitzroy
When:
Fri July 18, 5pm (bands start at 8pm)
How much:
$10
Description:
Valuable possessions with costs that exceed their practicality are traditionally termed a ‘white elephant'. And soon enough there'll be an art publication entitled w h i t e . e l e p h a n t, but right now, the think tank is fighting to hurdle the budget obstacle. With your help, however, the publication will come into fruition. The w h i t e . e l e p h a n t party will be a reckless smorgasbord of bands, DJs, slide projections, installations, a jumble sale and probably some Empire Records-esque passing of the money bin. Supporting the cause will be Breaker Morant, Ian Wadley, King Tebutt, Whistler, Viva L'amour, Casskew Super Set, Bromance and Sweat Middler.
Event: Party
Stimulus: C
Keywords: Magazines
Speak ‘n Spell Party!
What:
Speak ‘n Spell Party!
Where:
The Birmingham Hotel, cnr Smith and Johnston Sts, Fitzroy
When:
Sat July 19, 8pm
How much:
Free!
Description:
Speak ‘n Spell are gonna cram us all into the little band room at the Birmingham this Saturday "Like it's backstage at a Gunners concert (during their good era)." But instead of the vaguely damp aroma of Axl's bike shorts, we will be regaled with two of Melbourne's best live bands - The Last Gypsys and Retail Fireworks - and DJs Speak ‘n Spell and Hartless playing a selection from the excellent S ‘n S back catalogue plus stuff from Earth To The Dandy Warhols. Since The Hondas drove the remaining Nazi patrons out of the Birmingham two weeks ago with their 'kinky for chinkies' pop, it's a super place to hang out - no need to waste time with peroxide and button polish like you used to. And they'll be giving away the new Dandy Warhols album and tickets for the upcoming Cut Off Your Hands tour all night. - PM
Event: Party
Stimulus: C
Keywords: Speak n Spell Records, The Dandy Warhols
Wonderland Sale
What:
Wonderland Sale
Where:
Level 2, 34-40 Wilson St, South Yarra
When:
Tues July 22, 5.00pm-9.00pm
Description:
Moth will gather their fashionable forces and bump into a South Yarra warehouse. Labels, Chip Chop, Vicious Threads and Lenko Boutique, have cleaned out their wardrobes and handing down their stock to make room for new, Summery creations. While shopping and drinking sounds like a hazardous mix, resulting in too-tight pants, maxed-out credit cards and cutting insults towards the bitch trying on the t-shirt you wanted, there'll be adequate supervision to remind shoppers of their manners and common sense. - ID
Event: Sales
Stimulus: Free booze & Food
Keywords: South Yarra
Iron Designer
What:
Iron Designer
Where:
New Ballroom, Trades Hall, cnr Victoria and Lygon Sts, Carlton
When:
Wed July 23, 7-9pm
How much:
$10/$15 here
Description:
Did you know that an Iron Chef America video game, Supreme Cuisine, is currently being developed for the Wii and Nintendo DS? It will feature "a series of fast-paced and intense culinary challenges" and include the likeness of Mark Dacascos. But greater news awaits. An Iron Chef spin off launches during State of Design next Wednesday. Iron Designer pits a bunch of Melbourne studios against one another to 'design a verb'. Cheaper than fois gras, and weirder. The studios include Chase & Galley, Pip & Co, The Co-op, and 3 Deep Design. Robert Buckingham, Esther Anatolitis and Richard Watts will stand in for Chairman Kaga. There won't be any Iron Designers for the winners to challenge once they've beaten the general pool. (No-one could convince Garry Emery to leave work before 8pm.) - PM
Event: Exhibition
Stimulus: C
Melbourne's street poster publishing oddity Is Not Magazine is all over. Issue #11 - three metres wide instead of the usual two - will be on the streets from this weekend but, due to a fear of paperwork and the tax authorities, they've closed their online shop. Ironically, this will saddle the Is Not kids with more paperwork, if you count ‘several hundred A-zero sheets on the floor of your studio and no way to sell it' as paperwork, which we do. Anyway, we've taken one off their hands to give away. This last issue's theme is ‘All That Glitters Is /Not Gold' - a knowing reference to the surface glamour of independent publishing, or an excuse to use pimpy gold ink? You decide. To enter, just answer the following question.
This week's question:
Is Not Magazine is
a) Breakin my heart
b) A poster, if you want to split hairs
c) At least respectful of the ATO
d) Bigger than my toilet this time, yes indeedy
Send your answer, name and mailing address to win@threethousand.com.au. Winners will be notified by email. Subscriber-only entry. Not a subscriber? No sweat. Sign up here.
ThreeThousand is a weekly snapshot of Melbourne's subculture, fired by email into the loving arms of people who realise that the best things in life are often hard to find. It is compiled by an amorphous gaggle of writers, stylists, designers and photographers who all like huddling under that big umbrella we like to call creativity. Without editorial independence ThreeThousand has nothing. All editorial you read is featured because it's worth it - not because it's paid for.
Advertising Partnerships:
ThreeThousand is a trusted and proven medium for advertisers to engage with Melbourne's most elusive individuals - our subscribers. Each issue offers one advertiser the opportunity to have sole presence in the e-newsletter. A variety of placements (three, to be exact) are also available on threethousand.com.au. For more information on advertising with ThreeThousand contact Francesco at frunch@rightanglepublishing.com and Robbie at robert@rightanglepublishing.com.
Feedback:
Have something to say? Then say it by emailing talk@threethousand.com.au
Disclaimer:
The information in ThreeThousand is subject to change. Although we attempt to ensure that the content at the time of publication is correct, we do not guarantee its accuracy or currency. Right Angle Publishing accepts no responsibility to you or anyone else arising from any use or reliance on the information contained in ThreeThousand or any inaccuracy in the information. The views and opinions expressed on material included in ThreeThousand may not reflect those of Right Angle Publishing.
Contact:
Right Angle Publishing
Level 6, Curtin House
252 Swanston Street
Melbourne, 3000
+ 61 3 9662 1657
ThreeThousand's MySpace:
myspace.com/threethousand
Group Publisher:
Barrie Barton
barrie@rightanglepublishing.com
Editor:
Penny Modra
penny@threethousand.com.au
Associate Editor:
Isabel Dunstan
isabel@threethousand.com.au
Editorial Assistant
Soeb Neylan
seb@threethousand.com.au
Film Editor:
Martyn Pedler
martyn@threethousand.com.au
Music Editor:
Mark Gomes
mark@threethousand.com.au
READ Editor:
Kirsten Law
kirsten@rightanglepublishing.com
Design Monkeys:
tin&ed
Image and Web Monkey:
Remi Carette
Taran Hubbert
STREET Pics Monkeys:
Mia Mala McDonald
Ruth Morris
Xavier Connelly
Ricardo Ramos
Contributing Monkeys:
Nadia Saccardo
Rach Surgeoner
Dylan Rainforth
Robbie Coleman
Marissa Shirbin
Mikolai Napieralski
Nghiem Tran
Check out our 'Meet Me for a Drink' column in The Age EG liftout every Friday...
Meet Me For a Drink Monkeys:
Kirsten Law
Penny Modra
Simon Godfrey
Mark Gomes
Matt Hurst
Josh Gardiner
Isabel Dunstan
Ronan Macewan
Dale Campisi
Robbie Coleman
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