Je Suis Animal took all the interesting subjects of their arts degree and spun them into an album. It's the cinema geek in-jokes told through the strings, wind and melodica-esque cameos that turn this happily Norwegian pop into something suited to a silent film score.

Self-taught Magic from a Book is Lost and Lonesome's fiftieth release and has the right balance of lyrical storytelling and dance-around-your-room juice. The ascending foreplay of lofty vocals and gutter deep drones stir up a sense of haunting. Fight scene -worthy swells of colliding instruments, always catching you by surprise, can make a song's ending almost a relief. The swinging romantic pendulum and glitches of restlessness give away just as much story as the lyrics do.

'Hotel Electrique' invites you to play hide-and-seek in the peculiar hotel featured in the 1908 silent film of the same name; but it gives away the secret that there are strings to make it all work. Then Edgar Allan Poe's 'Mystery of Marie Roget' is investigated and remains uncracked. It's not surprising the film clip to this song is a sweetly produced silent flick.

By Isabel Dunstan

Release: Album

To Cure: A broken heart

Keywords: Pop

Deep breath. Okay. Standard Operating Procedure is a horror film first and documentary second.

Too many documentaries are mediocre films on amazing subjects. But Errol Morris, critical darling of the doco-scene for decades, is a master - and now puts those held responsible for the prisoner abuse at Abu Ghraib under his microscope. Morris's interviews seem like interrogations: you can even see the awkward twitching at the edges of his subject's smiles as they eyeball the camera.

The fact that the re-enactments of abuse are filmed with overexposed, hyperstylish Hollywood sheen will cost Morris some fans, who'll no doubt claim it's just another kind of propaganda - but that misses the point that S.O.P. is precisely about the power of images. It was Time Magazine that said there'd be no more effective al-Qaeda recruitment tool than these pictures of naked prisoners next to cheesy grins ...

It's exhausting to watch. After seeing Standard Operating Procedure, it'll be a long while before you'll think that watching the Saw franchise makes for a fun Saturday afternoon. It made me want to cancel my subscription to the human race all together.

By Martyn Pedler

Format: Cinema

Mood: Make a therapy appointment now

Keywords: Documentary

In 1973 French writer Tony Duvert conducted a close reading of a series of children's sex manuals with the aim of revealing how the ‘sex-positive' culture of the 1960s had been officially rerouted into promoting the nuclear family. Perhaps because of his passionate belief in the integrity of unpoliced sex and pleasure and the contention that sex education retards what might otherwise be naturally developed sexual behaviour and attitudes, Good Sex Illustrated was met with controversy.

Bruce Benderson's English translation of the text, published last November by Semiotext(e) - who will follow this publication with Duvert's novel Journal d'un innocent - is a must for all cultural studies students or anyone interested in examining the machinations of Western capitalism. Black and white and pink all over, this edition of Good Sex Illustrated is well worthy of your bookcase (which is a great place for it, because reading it on the train might attract some unwanted attention).

By Kirsten Law

Format: Book

Motivation: Improve your dinner conversation

Keywords: cultural studies, Sex

Demystifying the creative process can be a dangerous thing. Sometimes it's nice to think artists are rarefied beings, periodically struck by bone-shaking bolts of inspiration, rather than slobs like the rest of us, makin' stuff in their underwear amongst toast crumbs and fallen armies of takeaway coffee cups. Yet the voyeuristic thrill of watching remains.

Interplay documents the creation of three new performance works as nine boys of varying vocations collaborate from far-flung locales. Some of them are high-strung and excitable. Some of them are bearded and serious. And most of them have never met. It's a postmodern process by which ‘collaboration' mostly happens via uploads and downloads, email and late-night telephone calls, rather than drunken sparring in a kitchen, Hamilton and Moyes style.

Over four months, morsel by morsel, the works unfold in a bracing confluence of ripped stitches, binned sketches, 3am freak-outs, extramarital dalliances and spontaneous combustion, only some of which will end up on stage. You might not see the creatives in their underwear but you'll see everything else.

By Sebastian Glass

Medium: Performance

Drink: Dandy shandy

Keywords: Dance, website

There has been many a market regular who's pondered the origin of ‘flea market'. Like, was the first flea market run by business-savvy fleas that sold really tiny things for big money? Or did people gather to trade their wingless insects with one another? The answer, curious people, is this: the first flea market is said to have been born out of the French Marche aux puces in the northern suburbs of Paris. Here, people bought goods from far and wide and sold them for profit. However, little did they realise that the fabrics sold were vermin-infested - Le Gross.

This Sunday, you won't have to get up before you wake up to scramble through junk in Camberwell; Caledonian Lane will host its own flea market. Bar-lady Andie will be selling her trash-to-be-treasure to raise dollars for her overseas adventure. But you're invited to set up a stall, too. And the best bit? It's free to do it. So bring your pre-loved junk, sell it at this midday market and feel safe knowing that there'll be no sign of critters bringing on a second bout of the bubonic plague.

By Isabel Dunstan

Product: Fashion

Anatomy: Hip pocket

Keywords: St Jeromes, Second Hand, Market

Trackies: daggy pants that individuals wear for comfort, usually when feeling unhealthy and unwholesome from the night before. Fortunately, the three local Melbourne lads behind Johnny Benchpress refuse to accept that trackies are for the undignified and assure us that they have some street cred.

Think Jodhpurs but thicker, made of cotton, and with way less shimmer going on. Oh, and sourced entirely in Melbourne, not Mumbai. These skinny-leg style puppies have wide tapered bands around the ankles and waist, and each pair has its own outlandish pocket-lining just to spruce things up: love hearts, Jesus, poker chips, crayons, vintage wallpaper patterns... the list continues. My pair has lemons in the pockets, FYI.

For boys and gals, they range from size 26 to 34, and come in black, aqua, royal blue, charcoal and chocolate brown. At Chiodo you'll only find the black ones (for some mysterious reason) but if you waddle over to Windsor, Design A Space has all the colours of the Johnny Benchpress rainbow.

By Seb Neylan

Product: Fashion

Theft: Theft is likely

There is a saying in the city: What happens at a Trough party, stays at a Trough party. This is said for many reasons. Among them, the fact that straight men tend to abandon their proscribed sexual identities at the door. Scene tourism, conga lines, ‘when in Rome', all that. (There are, obviously, other reasons, but we won't go into those here.) The point is, Trough is returning next week for one encore, disguised as a party called ‘Womb'.

More than a party, this is a kind of live art project. Merce and Andy Warhol maybe would have said it's ‘a happening'. The artwork alone will be enough to send some people to the paramedics with a sparkler in their hand. They've recreated the iconic Trough party photos, outfits included, replacing the men with women. It's the final iteration of a world-class party that blended sexual identities way beyond the usual fag-hag boundaries. And one of the organisers is making a giant rubber vagina through which all guests shall enter. Yes, panic, you'll need an outfit. Start getting ready now and we'll come pick you up. You know we don't have any problems driving high.

By Penny Modra

Ambience: Indoor

Difficulty: Exertion will pay off

Keywords: Trough, geddes lane

A reader tipped us off about this place. Apparently the proprietors tried to pick her up while she was doing her laundry. That seemed pretty creepy. Creepy and weird. We decided to investigate.

Heading out to Brunswick, we pretty much hit pay dirt straight away. An older gentleman with a receding hairline (just as described in our tip-off) was helping a female customer with her laundry as we walked in. Whether this was old fashioned Greek hospitality (the place is full Greek posters) or something dodgy we'll never know. The woman seemed okay about it. She didn't look she was about to cry. Or run away.

As for the laundrette itself; a sign on the wall boasts that they opened in 1966. It doesn't look like anyone has bothered to upgrade the machines since. The orange and yellow dryers are the size of a small car and the washing machines are straight out of some 1970s nightmare. As for the bright green benches - we have no idea what that's all about. Maybe the whole place is coloured coded like one of those singles nights, i.e. sit on the green bench if you're here to pick up?

By Mikolai Napieralski

Ambience: Indoor

Difficulty: Won't hurt a bit

The best thing about bubble cup tea is getting the black balls that are inside the tea and shooting them out with a massive plastic straw. Under Melbourne's comic book haven you'll find a techno-colored bubble tea wonderland that Alice herself doesn't even know exists.

The snacks aren't as good as the décor, but still when you have egg dipped in soy sauce you have to think to yourself, "Where the fuck am I?" There's stuff like bubble tea, ice tea, and hot ice blends, don't ask me how that works. They also offer many over-priced foods; for example, chips. A large bowl is like a little ashtray filled with bread crumbs.

Let's not forget the entertainment, which is actually enjoyable. Two-dollar internet, Chinese Channel V and a shelf filled with Manga. Unfortunately it is not translated, but you can easily walk a small flight of stairs to Comics ‘R Us and ask the awesome staff what's new in the Marvel or DC universe and you will have an hour's conversation. I hope to see you there, reading comics and firing bubble tea balls from your mouth in all directions.

By Sash Savanovic

Venue: Café

Meal: Snacktastic

Keywords: Tea, Manga

Description:
Let it be known to all city cigarette fiends out there: Eurotrash has one of the most kick-ass outdoor smoking areas in city. We're talking wooden decking and little candles, and tables and chairs, YES tables and chairs. This excites us at ThreeThousand.

Ned from Eurotrash is excited by something less cancerous - the new disco/ italo/electro night he's throwing every Thursday called Rubicon, which is reigniting the party fire at this Corrs La nightspot. OB1, DJ AT Night, Duplo and A.D.D. will be fuelling the fire this week, as will $10 jugs and $5 shots that taste like jam doughnuts (just ask for a ‘Ruby'). - SN

By Seb Neylan

Event: DJs

Stimulus: E

Keywords: Eurotrash

Description:
Step out of Collingwood and into the creative mind of Matthew Watts. Here you'll find a hippie ethos, bohemianism and rock music amalgamated through painting, sculpture, drawing and collage. In its references to consumerism and pop culture, Watts's art functions effectively as a form cultural anthropology.*

*Note how ‘cultural anthropology' is more than five syllables and hence sounds really smart.

By Seb Neylan

Event: Exhibition

Stimulus: W

Keywords: Collingwood, Off the Kerb Gallery

Description:
When an underage journalist Keith Barker-Main hid behind the glittery sea of glamorous nobodies and loose celebrities of Studio 54, he didn't realise big-gun host, Steve Rubell, would award him lifetime membership. He was wearing a t-shirt with ‘Fuck Studio 54' printed across it and Rubell thought this awesome. If you wear a t-shirt with ‘Fuck House DeFrost' Andee Frost might kick your arse, challenge you to war on the floor or buy you a drink. Who knows? This guy is as surprising as his record collection. One thing's for certain, though: House DeFrost is the dance inferno following the sweaty, hip jolting parties Studio 54 inspired. - ID

By Isabel Dunstan

Event: Party

Stimulus: E

Keywords: DJs, The Toff in Town, Disco

Description:
Taka Honda is a man of many faces. He is Little Red's drummer (periodically slamming his head against the backdrop), he is writing a phD on mosquitoe genetics (or something, sorry Taka) and he is fighting racism at the Birmingham this Saturday with his other band, The Hondas. Here's what Taka has to say about that: "They've got a new management and try to transform the ex-nazi pub into a racism-free live venue apparently. I went there to see bands last Saturday. The venue is really nice and PA is decent." The Hondas also say: "Are you kinky for chinkies? Introducing the Hondas! We are the hippiest Asian band from Tokyo. We play music. We hate jocks. Be our friends." Well, the try-hard Nazi's still hanging around at the Birmingham aren't kinky for chinkies, but that doesn't matter because no-one wants to be their friend anyway. We're gonna elbow them right out the door. - PM

By Penny Modra

Event: Bands

Stimulus: E

Keywords: Fitzroy

Description:
When Maximum Arousal presents Rafael Toral, The Toff will fill up with the grinding, buzzing soundscapes born out of his experimentation. Toral describes himself a composer rather than a performer, having studied electrical circuitry at institutions across Amsterdam and New York. Toral's fascination for exploring the vocabulary of sounds determined by unconventional instruments will be supported by two of Melbourne's sound artists. With their vocal convulsions, the very hairy duo, Robin Fox and Anthony Pateras, perform live.

By Isabel Dunstan

Event: Bands

Stimulus: A

Keywords: Maximum Arousal, The Toff in Town, Experimental

Description:
This Monday might offer the rarest line-up yet at Splodge - The Empress Hotel's monthly film night, which has been going as good as gold for the past ten years. This month, there is a pirate theme - the harbinger of all quality social events. Expect two short monochrome films by Paul Terry and Pat Sullivan, then Treasures in the Pyramid, 1927's Gold Diggers and Byron Haskins's Treasure Island (1950). So cheap you won't need to risk hangin from the yardum, hornswaggling pieces of eight from bilge swiggin land lubbers, thar she blows. - MS and PM

By Marissa Shirbin

Event: Film

Stimulus: sound the horns!

Keywords: The Empress

Description:
Oh man, it was only ever gonna last while. Something as grouse as Grouse. Just like Grade 6 camp. They're going out with a bang though (until next summer). The DJ line-up is ‘gays vs their straights'. Heh heh. Blowing Chunks Vs. Ann Ominous (Macromantics), Commission Flats vs Blabe Runner, Sexxx on Dexxx vs. Whisky Business. (You should see the presser, it is very hot and promises all manner of colourful sauciness).

By Penny Modra

Event: Party

Stimulus: E

Keywords: The Tote, grouse