Some people hope short fiction will save the world. Or, at least, they hope that within the carefully designed pages of the latest anthology or journal, a bastion of TRUTH will call out to them. Fiction writers are expected to trigger epiphanies; to elicit congruence from our jumbled up thoughts and emotions; to ask some questions and answer others.

It is with this in mind that we come to Torpedo Volume 2, a new assemblage of fiction, graphic fiction and illustration from Falcon vs. Monkey Falcon Wins. With a host of American contributors, this edition reflects a style of writing made popular by McSweeney's and This American Life.

Like any work that groups varied contributions, Torpedo delivers a mix of the cutting edge and the overdone. Design and illustration wise, this volume is distinctly boy-flavoured, but there is pith here beyond aesthetics. Our preferences include Luke May's strange piece set at Hanging Rock, Josephine Rowe's three-part elegy and Tony D'Souza's satirical ‘11/9', which asks the real question: after Obama, will the next president be Condi Rice or John Travolta? Fiction better save the world.

By Kirsten Law

Format: Book

Motivation: Good with a whiskey in the bath

Keywords: Literature

Must be killer to be an illustrator because everyone would always be inviting you to be in a group show. "Hey I'm putting on a group show, yo. Can you send me, like a drawing, it will be number 39."

WHY CANNOT THE ILLUSTRATORS HAVE THEIR OWN SHOWS? It's not like a zoo where the wombats are a bit boring, sitting in a hollow log all day, so they throw in some red-bum monkeys next door and a jazz orchestra near the kiosk.

Anyway. Things are looking up. They're opening a new illustrators' gallery in Fitzroy. It's called Gorker (get it? Corner of Gore and Kerr, not we will blog about media figures and hopefully make them cry).

The launch is a group show. Curated by Timba (Wooden Toy) and Nate Holmes Trapnell (The Southpaw), it's an all-star cast - from Eamo to Biddy Maroney and Reuben Rude (US). Together, they are The Forty Thieves. By themselves, they are also very good.

By Penny Modra

Medium: Illustration

Drink: Bottle of red

Keywords: Street Art, Gallery, Fitzroy

It's been worth the wait for the Fleet Foxes' well-crafted debut to rear its head; folk, country, and bluegrass mixed together to rather more dreamy effect than their recent EP. Now, although the dynamics of the songs don't change all that much; drums roll at the bottom, acoustic guitars and keys chime in the middle, the lead guitar has its nose just in front, and the lush group vocals play on top, the use of clever musical arrangements makes it warmly captivating. Take note of the gorgeous set up of ‘White Winter Hymnal' and the sudden, rousing, deep belch of the kick and floor toms.

Each band member demonstrates a fearless three-octave voice; the group harmonies are delivered exquisitely and, thanks to clever structural and tonal changes throughout, never seem overbearing or over-used. The music never once plays second fiddle to the vocals, however; both know when they are needed and when to keep it shut, complimenting each other perfectly. Just like a live set of theirs and the sunset slot at Meredith this year. Cross those fingers, cross those toes.

By Kieran O'Shea

Release: Album

To Cure: A broken heart

The craftsman behind Note to Self was not your average kid. While most juveniles were trading fags for swigs of Spumanti behind the shelter sheds, Max Olijnyk was following the skater-trails of Matt Hensley and Guy Mariano. He spent just as much time recreating their (retrospectively perhaps too large) pants on his Mum's sewing machine as he did ollying off three-inch gutters.

These days Olijnyk is a grown man about town. He makes zines and has just retired as a designer for Schwipe, but still skates and sews jeans for those who appreciate local design and seek to turn heads with their awesome-looking asses.

Made-to-measure services are available from Max's Melbourne studio, and get ready-to-wear online at Order & Progress.

By Isabel Dunstan

Product: Fashion

Theft: Theft is unlikely: everyone already has one

Keywords: Jeans, Design

Picture the screenwriters: they're brainstorming up the new Genghis Khan biopic and need some way to make the infamous 13th century Mongolian conqueror likeable for modern audiences. Witty catchphrase? Cute animal sidekick? What about Genghis Khan: Family Man?

Don't worry. There's still enough swordplay, revenge, battlefield tactics and bright-red blood here to warm the hearts of anyone who spent hours drawing complicated battle scenes in the backs of their schoolbooks. And the widescreen landscapes - carved by wind and rain, not CGI nerds - are truly epic.

(A classy side-effect of Mongol's Russian production is that it's actually spoken in Mongolian; something that, failing some Mel Gibson-style craziness, Hollywood would never allow.)

Despite some odd pacing, it's an engaging enough attempt at a ‘Genghis Begins' origin story. When your hero is someone who raped his way across half the world - and has an estimated 16 million descendants today - it's tricky to accept him as a sensitive, one-true-love warrior. As Part One in an already-conceived trilogy, though, the most interesting material in Mongol is still to come.

By Martyn Pedler

Format: Cinema

Mood: Epic

Sugar-related funnies aside, Donuts Deluxe is the newest shop filling the 0 in Melbourne's retail cool. The genii behind the project - Ben and Sam Totty - have selected their stock from brands including New Era, WeSC, Nice Produce and Ben's own label, 20's and 10's. Not to mention artist editions from Thrasher and Juxtapoz, and a range of rare Nikes that we contend are ‘fresh-to-death'.

Wooden wall panelling and an open-rack layout allow for a relaxed and friendly shopping experience; certainly not as intimidating as lingerie shopping in David Jones where the buxom assistants give you judgmental looks that make you contemplate a seedless, gluten-free bagel for lunch. Breathe.

If that moustache isn't giving you enough street cred, or you've got donuts in your wardrobe, then, you know.

By Robbie Coleman

Product: Fashion

Anatomy: Whole body

Keywords: Streetwear

The other thing that Waterfront City should be recognised for is the triad of terrifyingly awful statues of Australian entertainers that some misguided middle manager commissioned from a plainly unskilled local sculptor.

First, there's the statue of John Farnham that looks exactly like Lou Ferrigno, the deaf guy who played the Hulk on the original TV series.

Then, there's the terrifying rendering of Kylie Minogue, so unbearably ugly that you just know that it was made without the knowledge of the PR machine that maintains her image.

And there's a statue of Australia's favourite gay chat show host - no not Rove McManus, Graham Kennedy.

Taken as a whole, the statues are bewilderingly atrocious. It's as if the artist who made them, surely aware of his limitations, went ahead anyway, fully realising that they would one day stand as fitting monuments to a time when our society's unquenchable thirst for the inane damn-near destroyed the planet.

By Jeff Megahan

Ambience: Outdoor

Difficulty: Won't hurt a bit

Shiners Ezy Wash is a laundry mat straight out of the future. Or what the people who did set design for Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure imagined the future would look like. The domed ceiling, neat rows of metallic machines and white paint job certainly give the place a clean, futuristic glint. If you're not suitably impressed by the interior design there's a sign on the wall telling you all about how awesome the laundry mat is.

Basically, they claim to be Australia's best laundry mat and then go into great detail about how their machines come from some secret US military lab and are sprinkled with dead unicorns' magic dust. Or something to that affect.

To be honest, the only real criticism we can level at Shiners Ezy Wash is that the place lacks character - it's all a bit too clean for our liking. But hey, sterile is probably a good place to be when it comes to laundry mats. There's a time and a place for reckless abandon and laundry is not it.

By Mikolai Napieralski

Ambience: Indoor

Difficulty: Won't hurt a bit

For a greater slice of the population, wild dreams involve cake: deliberately getting grenache on the blade so you can plant one on the nearest love interest, or witnessing a bikini clad harlot burst out of the top of a sponge. Whatever your fantasy, cake comes in ample forms to suit the most impossible dream.

We've been blessed to write about cake two weeks in a row and this week we're pleased to present to you a kind of heaven, a paradise for the sweet-toothed, a place that will induce palpations and air-punches: Cake Deco. That novelty cake of layers, cream and eye-poppingly noxious colour is calling your name, longing to be baked.

Never have you seen so many squirt-down-your-throat artificial flavours and never will you behold a greater variety of sprinkles. From icing-bag nozzles to twirly candles, this is an emporium of excess. They're up-to-date with pop culture too, stocking a WALL-E shaped tin and tiny Supermen that sit on cupcakes! So, lovers of the French Génoise or the Pan di Spagna: embrace that heavy, liverish feeling that cake brings to us all.

By Isabel Dunstan

Venue: Shop

Meal: Party Time

Keywords: Cake

Description:
The brains of For Better or Purse has been trekking about Europe indulging in fine wine, fashion and beaches. But she's back and kicking off another event of thread-swapping and champagne-sipping. FBoP has established itself as a must-go-to event for anyone low on dough with a fear of hessian sacks. And, because there are plenty of these people, there'll be racks-full of secondhand wears ready for your swapping. Boys welcome! There are only two rules: an online donation of $10 before the event, or $15 upon entry, and eight pieces of your own loved-long-time clothing. - ID

By Isabel Dunstan

Event: Sales

Stimulus: W

Keywords: Fashion, Sale

Description:
Your Animal have a live record! It's called Peacock Dove Eagle, and they're doggon launching it tonight at the TIT. The otherwise quiet but freakin mind-blowing Patinka Cha Cha, the wiry but handsome Tommy Spender and The Greasers are supporting. For those of you who have not seen Your Animal - in the word of Mohair Slim (PBS) - they are "Captivating". They did not pay him to say that word either. - PM

By Penny Modra

Event: Launch

Stimulus: A

Keywords: The Toff in Town

Description:
Childhood and adolescence is filled with trauma. Getting embarrassed by your parents. Realising that you are gay like Mel Gibson. Going to your friend's house for a sleepover and they force you to watch I Know What You Did Last Summer and you pee your pants.

Marcus Keating is interested in these formative experiences - the ways we are shaped by social customs. This work (his last in Melbourne for a long time) looks at how we are trapped by things we desire ‘which then transform themselves into the objects of our fears'. It's Freud meets Silence of the Lambs in the counselling department. - PM

By Penny Modra

Event: Exhibition

Stimulus: A

Keywords: Collingwood, Utopian Slumps

Description:
NME's music editor testified that when he saw The Scare they made his "dick damn hard." Now, whether this turns you off, on, or just makes you question what kind of weak-in-the-pants dudes they have writing for NME, you're still probably interested where you can see The Scare next. They're Sydney-born, Birmingham-lived and now playing at the next USvsTHEM at Roxanne. In the mix are audio hypnotists The Process and Dead Before Death Gang. If The Scare happen to make you giddy in the knickers, it's probably wise to just go home. - ID

By Isabel Dunstan

Event: Bands

Stimulus: C

Description:
We're not sure if there's an e-newsletter of our ilk in Berlin yet but if there was to be then we have its name - 10001-14199, more colloquially known as the The Low TenThousands. TLTT would no doubt feature Berlin locals Jazzanova, Quarion and Heiko Laux on a regular basis because of their world-class DJ and production skills. To show off the Berlin underground they're turning Miss Libertine into a mini festival, all rooms will play host to some of the best club music you'll hear this side of... well, Berlin. - GK

By Gabriel Knowles

Event: DJs

Stimulus: E

Keywords: Miss Libertine, Techno

Description:
The word ‘mosse' has been whispered about town like it's a secret code that'll turn a brick wall open, revealing a parallel universe. FYI: Mosse is smaller than a mob, bigga than a posse. And it's a night that'll be held down in a basement. Yes Diggity has something to do with it and word on the street is that drink specials will give Toss the Boss a run for its money with $7.50 Pot ‘n' Shot and $6 Champayne and Coutreau. NB: all spelling errors are deliberate, credited by the Urban Dictionary. Avoid looking like an utter noob by whispering the word "mosse" over, and over at brick walls. - ID

By Isabel Dunstan

Event: Party

Stimulus: sound the horns!

Keywords: Yes Diggity

Description:
Can't afford rollies, a full tank of juice or even the Express meal at Lounge, but need new threads? Boom. Schwipe is having a warehouse sale. Samples, seconds and old stuff! Note: they are also having an instore sale at Don't Come, and an online sale at Schwipe. Civilized-like, no card tables. This includes Schwipe winter shirts, the Stussy Deluxe range and Dr Denim jeans and Schwipe's woollen duffles for the bros and hoes. Coconuts and carrots, that's it. Coconuts and carrots. - RC

By Robbie Coleman

Event: Sales

Stimulus: sound the horns!

Keywords: Schwipe, Don't Come, Streetwear

Description:
Dylan Martorell hardly ever just has an exhibition, he throws in a show as well. On Saturday you can see him perform "3 Speed Golden Ratios (Clockwise and Anti Clockwise)" and "Pentatonic Succulent Rounds" with Julie Burleigh , Nathan Grey and Francis Plagne. They will be supported by maths and nature and possibly some potatoes. - PM

By Penny Modra

Event: Exhibition

Stimulus: A

Keywords: Craft Victoria, Dylan Martorell, Francis Plagne

Description:
Around this time of year we like to complain about how early the sun goes down and, sadly, days don't get shorter than they do this weekend. Yep it's winter solstice. But, semi-depressed Melburnians, think of it like this - short days mean long nights - and, let's face it, we all have more fun when the sun is down. This Saturday is the shortest of the year, which means more time to drink and dance (and smoke!) with friends and a few happy-go-lucky bogans at the Winter Solstice Disco. Disco discoveries delivered by J.T Franklin & E.G Lloyd. - LB

By Lionel Bitchie

Event: DJs

Stimulus: W

Keywords: St Jeromes