Thursday 22nd May
Sometimes you go out so much it becomes habit. Then you find yourself with no invitations so you say "Let's go break into the pool and pretend we're Jesus." And your friends go "Orrright!" This flauts the OH&S protocols of the pool and, you know, the world.
So, as a community service endeavour, we've got way too many OUT listings today. Plus an array of formalised violence activities from Roller Derby to killing Romans.
ThreeThousand 156 - community service announcement
Cover image by Xavier Connelly. If you would like to submit a cover shot, that would be rad. Email photo@threethousand.com.au.
Max Design ‘n’ Shit
Wearing qualitops
Paper sneaker
Muto
Cyndi Lauper has new album
Kid America
Fractal furniture
Gumby
Tokion
Skate witches
Tell us what's cool
cool@twothousand.com.au
Resigning etc
Qualitops’ actual website
Penis Museum
Mutants
Other people have AIDS
Gangs of the world
$40,000 car couch
Stepping in gum
Being 10,000 kms away
Bitches
Tell us what's fool
fool@twothousand.com.au
Worldwide
What:
Worldwide
Who:
The Death Set
On:
Inertia
MySpace:
here
Win:
We have one copy of the album to give away! To enter, email win@threethousand.com.au with the subject line 'The Banana Splits swould be crack-tastic on crack'
Ever wondered what The Banana Splits would sound like after they'd smoked crack?
Gold Coast natives Johnny Siera and Beau Velasco found a nurturing home for their techno punk in their adopted hometown of Baltimore's DIY warehouse art scene (home to similarly inclined wunderkind Dan Deacon). Their debut full-length, Worldwide, melds toy electronics with the energy of screamo, producing pop punk songs that sound like Le Tigre without the politics, Atari Teenage Riot without the rage, or Blink 182 without the, um, total lameness.
Making their name as one of the wildest live bands around, Worldwide is a bit a cock tease, as their live show's said to be orgasmic. So keep an eye out for their newly pasty skin returning to our shores soon. Tra la la, la la la la...
Release: Album
To Cure: Hypertension
Keywords: The Death Set, Gold Coast
Conor O'Brien, There Stands the Glass
What:
Conor O'Brien, There Stands the Glass
Where:
Centre for Contemporary Photography, 404 George
St, Fitzroy
When:
Opening TONIGHT! Thurs May 22, 6-8pm
Exhibition runs until July 5
How much:
Free entry. Artwork and books for sale.
Win:
Thanks to Serps Press, we have a pair of books by Conor to give away: Hold On To Each Other and There Stands The Glass. To enter, email win@threethousand.com.au and tell us the name of the sleeping girl who was part of his last exhibition at Utopian Slumps.
Conor O'Brien's photography is of the ‘snapshot' variety, in that he captures spontaneous moments using a small camera he carries in his pocket at all times. Unlike many of his contemporaries, Conor's photos always feel calm and considered, never poking fun at his subjects but always celebrating their beauty.
In this brand new body of work, the final in the series from his time in Melbourne (the preceding Hold On To Each Other was shown in part locally at Utopian Slumps and in full at the ACP in Sydney), O'Brien continues in a familiar vein, yet there is an increased sense of getting away from it all rather than stying in the thick of things. Campsites and forest walks feature prominently, as well as the streets of Fitzroy.
What, then, to make of the title? Perhaps Conor is hinting at a conscious direction of his lens towards the natural world. Or maybe he is merely requesting a Carlton Draught. The Serps Press books Hold On To Each Other and There Stands the Glass, by Conor O'Brien will be launched to coincide with this exhibition.
Medium: Photography
Drink: Long neck in a paper bag
Keywords: Conor O'Brien, CCP, Fitzroy
Michelangelo Antonioni Retrospective
What:
Michelangelo Antonioni Retrospective
When:
May 23 - 29
Where:
Cinema Nova
Win:
We have two double passes to give away to Nova's screening of Beyond the Clouds at 9.30pm on Tues May 27. It is a Wim Wenders homage to Antonioni's work. To enter, email win@threethousand.com.au with the subject line ‘there's always time for mime tennis'
When Ingmar Bergman and Michelangelo Antonioni died within a week of each other almost a year ago, it felt like a failed Punk'd sketch: some ghoulish, almighty Ashton had played a joke on European art cinema in the poorest of taste. If anything, it meant the work of two distinct directors suddenly merged in the popular consciousness into a single, generic art-monster: the dreaded Bergmioni. But never fear: the Antonioni retrospective at the Melbourne Italian Festival is here to save the day, one glorious masterpiece at a time.
The documentary Beyond the Clouds celebrates the scope of Antonioni's films, many of which will be screened throughout the festival. Another highlight is the iconic Blowup (1966), a modernist orgy of '60s London hipsterdom that sees the brutally modish David Hemmings tackling murder, art, epistemology, and the contents of Vanessa Redgrave's rocket bra. While its influence is broad (fellow Italians Brian Depalma and Dario Argento have both paid tribute), Blowup gets kudos for proving once that there is no such thing as inappropriate mime-tennis. Take that, Bergman!
Format: Festival
Mood: Nostalgic
Keywords: Michelangelo Antonioni, Nova, Carlton, Wim Wenders
Novel Badges
What:
Novel Badges
Where:
Here
When:
As fast as you can click a mouse
How much:
$3 + postage, bargain!
Keeping up with a dirty hipster's required reading can be dispiriting. You've gotta know your Lethem from your Eggers, classic novels from graphic novels. And while everyone's raving about the hilariously ironic promotional campaign for Chuck Palahniuk's latest effort, the last book you read was Blow Fly by Patricia Cornwell. (And you liked it.)
Luckily, Natalija Brunovs and Patrick Pittman from Perth arts collective The Concrete Organisation have made literary appreciation delightfully absurd. The ‘first edition' in their Novel Badges project lovingly reproduces the cover typography from famous literary works - with the word 'badge' somewhere in the title. Whether you fancy 20,000 Badges Under the Sea, A Portrait of the Artist as a Young Badge or To Kill A Mocking-Badge, you can fend off those gnawing pangs of uncoolsieness for the price of a coffee. Meanwhile, advanced students of existential badge-losophy can plump for No Badge. Whoa! You're blowing my badge.
Better yet, invent your own (A Confederacy Of Badges, anyone?) and email it to Natalija and Patrick, and if they put it in their next collection, they'll flick a couple of freebies your way. Nice... I mean, badge.
Product: Accessories
Theft: Theft is inevitable: Buy two
Mr Lincoln
What:
Mr Lincoln
Where:
Shp 2, 102 Gertrude St, Fitzroy
When:
Mon-Sat late morning-early evening
Contact:
9417 3611
Gertrude Street reeks of all kinds of flavours; hot cheese from under burger buns at Little Rebel, dizzying shoe polish from the aged leather at Moustache, and print-making oils from Spacecraft. But there's a new scent wafting in east of Brunswick St.
When asked who Mr Lincoln is, florists Sarah and Louise bickered, "He's my boyfriend." "Honey, he's totally my boyfriend". But after some horticultural investigation, it was found that Mr Lincoln is neither lady's boyfriend and rather a resplendently deep red rose known to turn a purplish colour, nearly defying the blue rose truism. Most importantly, it's their newly bloomed florist on Gertrude Street.
The ladies of Mr Lincoln operate their store balancing flamboyancy and sustainability. Kicking cellophane and nylon ribbon to the Kack Department, recyclable fabrics and cane pot plants take their place. These determined ladies have infused a refreshing whiff of environmental consciousness into Fitzroy's nasal cocktail.
Product: Objects
Anatomy: Heart
A Minor Place
What:
A Minor Place
Where:
103 Albion St, Brunswick East
When:
Now open nights Thurs-Sun from 6pm (plus their usual daytime hours)
Contact:
9384 3131
A friend of mine just invented a new social manoeuvre. Check it: bumping into Said Friend he talks-up a great new-but-old dining venue. He's meeting two mutual friends and I'm welcome to join them. Peachy. So I call and tell them I'm dead keen. I don't hear anything more from Said Friend but assume he's definitely in. WRONG! When I got there he's there, but on a date! At a separate table! WTF?
I'll unpack it for you: orchestrate a group of friends to be somewhere at a certain time, then go ahead and schedule a date with someone they're not acquainted with. Result: your friends see you in an entirely new and desirable light and your date sees that you're incredibly popular and not such a hairy-knuckled lugnutz after all. Nice one Jack!
Only never again ask me to join you for mouth-watering tapas at the new nights at the old A Minor Place. Licensed too! Brunswick notches up another perfectly delightful little drinkery-meets-eatery. Wankers. I live in Abbotsford - one decent café, three S&M clubs, precious little else. Back at A Minor, the kangaroo skewers are a highlight but my friend's a lowlife. Did I say lowlife? I meant genius.
Venue: Bar
Meal: All day
Keywords: Brunswick East, Cafe
I Dream of Derby
What:
I Dream of Derby, Toxic Avengers vs Dead Ringer Rosies
Where:
Puckhandlers, cnr Blake and Davis Sts, Reservoir
After party at Cobra Bar, upstairs at The Tote, 71 Johnston St, Collingwood
When:
Sat May 24, Doors open 7pm, derby starts at 8pm
(Tote after party, um, later on)
How much:
$10 from Route 66 or online at Roller Derby Victoria, some tickets on the door
What is always better than violence? Correct: violence on wheels. And Roller Derby has been flying this flag in various American states since at least 1922. Luckily, men have been sidelined over the years because they always want to wear bulbous padding, which goes against the whole Xanadu spirit of the activity. This has left all-girl derby at the forefront of the world's noblest sport.
What are the ‘rules' you ask? Here, we look to wikipedia:
"After a lead jammer has been established, both jammers have the option of passing the star. This is done by removing the 2-star helmet cover and handing it to the pivot. The pivot then becomes the jammer, and vice versa. If the original jammer was the lead jammer, the position is forfeited for the remainder of the jam."
Yah.
Anyway, people wear li'l shorts and zoom around, knocking each other down. It's like disco night at Caribbean Rollerama, 1989, but without the DJ. So roll down to Reservoir this Saturday night to see Violet Rage of the Boston Derby Dames and Berzerker of Baltimore's Charm City Rollergirls join forces with the Victorian Roller Derby League, whereupon the girls will "pitch their unique brand of bone crunching, flat track mayhem to the Melbourne public."
Ambience: Indoor
Difficulty: Start training like, last month
Rainer
What:
Rainer
Where:
Fat, Melbourne's GPO, (for other store locations, see the website)
When:
In store now!
How much:
Knits start from $99, skirts around $120, unisex trousers $200
Fat, purveyor of all things very black and drapey and skinny, have finally released their long-awaited house brand, Rainer. The label's first collection is called 'Teutoburg Forest', which refers to a battleground where the German tribes unexpectedly defeated a headstrong Roman army in the year 9 AD.
You may remember this better as Schlacht im Teutoburger Wald or Hermannsschlacht. Today, the area is more crumbling-Medieval-architecture meets industrial-wasteland ghetto-chic; the sort of place they film ABC human trafficking documentaries. This Germanic undertone will most likely suit Fat's oft-morose-but-nevertheless-hot staff.
Rainer makes good use of unusual textural combinations, pairing wool with crushed silk, and the weight of a structured military jacket on a delicate sheer knit. Rainer keeps the prices down low through an emphasis on simplicity and clean-cut silhouettes. Just how the label will translate to a summer collection remains to be seen, as Eastern European locations demonstrate a natural affinity with the cold. For now at least, like salt to a bockwurst, these moody basics should serve as a natural accompaniment to any good Melburnian's schwarze Römisch-Tötung Hosen.
Product: Fashion
Theft: Theft is a risk
Keywords: Fat Clothing Stores
The Abstinence Teacher
What:
The Abstinence Teacher
Who:
Tom Perrotta
Where:
Everywhere, except, maybe, Borders
How much:
RRP $29.95
Teacher says oral sex OK!
In The Abstinence Teacher, Tom Perrotta (Election, Little Children) takes an average North American town and adds an evangelical congregation called the Tabernacle, whose fearless leader believes Lara Croft is an ‘abomination' and deems ‘hot [marital] Christian sex' the only sex acceptable.
In this climate of encroaching conservatism, Ruth Ramsey's straight-talking sex-ed lectures don't gel and are subject to intervention by Tabernacle sympathisers. Through Ruth's love/hate relationship with her daughter's born-again soccer coach, a reformed drug-user and musician, the seemingly unresolvable conflict between the Christian right and the liberal-minded the world over is given a human face.
But Perrotta is not an author who takes sides; he lets his characters make their own mistakes, which is where the true value of his work lies. The Abstinence Teacher is funny and accessible, and, with the growing influence of places like the Hillsong Church, is so pertinent, it hurts. An airport novel it may be, but an important one.
Format: Book
Motivation: Improve your dinner conversation
Dylan Martorell, Umbel Ballits
What:
Dylan Martorell, Umbel Ballits
Where:
Craft Victoria, 31 Flinders La, Melbourne
When:
Opening TONIGHT! Thurs May 22, 6-8pm
Exhibition runs until June 28. Check Hidden Archive for live performance updates
How much:
Free
Description:
Dylan Martorell launches his drawing and sound installation Umbel Ballits. It responds to the underlying structure of sound and botanic form. It also involves math, which is, of itself, very impressive. Don't forget to check when the performances will happen throughout the exhibition.
Event: Exhibition
Stimulus: A
Keywords: Craft Victoria, Dylan Martorell, Next Wave Festival
B Movement
What:
B Movement
Where:
Miss Libertine, 34 Franklin St, Melbourne
When:
TONIGHT! Thurs May 22, doors 8pm
How much:
$15 on the door
Description:
B Movement is the lovechild of a bunch of visionaries who sat around in inspirational surroundings and decided that the creative arts are vital components to preventing a lifetime of being confused and alone. So the people of b movement will band together to inject some inspiration into our right brains by means of the band with front man inarguably similar to David Byrne, the awesome Near Your House, Japan's Dawn Movement and locals Daylight Underground. Feel boozed? Yes. Feel inspired, appreciated and culturally sound? Also yes. - SG & ID
Event: Bands
Stimulus: E
Keywords: Miss Libertine
Whoops Kibbutz
What:
Whoops Kibbutz
Where:
Utopian Slumps, 5/25 Easey St, Collingwood
When:
Opening Fri May 23, 6pm-9pm
Exhibition runs until June 14
How much:
Free
Description:
There’s something self-deprecatingly charming about Kate Smith and her exhibition, Whoops Kibbutz. She grew up on a farm and witnessed first-hand how humans were forced to interact with nature to sustain effective farming systems and the ideals of agro-ecology. But dear Kate, having moved away from the farm, now focuses on her poor attempts to escape the futility of in her role as an artist; compost bins, her Woofing holiday and her studies. Despite what her blog says about her “dumb show”, this is a Next Wave event worth going to - to engage in farming Australia and share your dismal attempts to support environmental sustainability.
Event: Exhibition
Stimulus: W
Keywords: Utopian Slumps
Next Wave's Mid-Festival Party
What:
Next Wave's Mid-Festival Party
Where:
Next Wave Festival Club, The Mercat Cross Hotel, 456 Queen St, (opposite the Vic Market)
When:
Fri May 23, doors 10pm
How much:
Free!
Description:
Stuff is going just as it should at an awesome art festival. Openings are thicker on the ground than Christmas morning at the Brady's. And, despite having had his car stolen in a bizarre, Collingwood joy-riding-in-a-‘70s-bomb incident and having to enter and exit his house through the second storey bathroom window, due to the front door locking itself permanently, Festival Director Jeff Khan is holding up peachy. But sometimes, you know, you just want to booze it up. So Next Wave has initiated the Mid-Festival Party. A brilliant initiative involving cheap beer and a dance floor powered by DJ sets from Sydney hotties Post and Brown Council, who promise to bring '80s power rock and booty hip hop (where it will be most welcome), and Melbourne's own Suitcase Royale. You just know they're gonna play some Meatloaf, and even if that's not your cup of tea, hell, two outta three ain't bad.
Event: Party
Stimulus: sound the horns!
Keywords: Next Wave Festival
Siris
What:
Siris
Where:
Loop Bar, 23 Meyers Place, Melbourne
When:
Fri May 23, 9pm
How much:
Free
Description:
Spray your stackhats silver and call yourself Zap because Siris is a new night of intergalactic disco. Siris is a place between time and space where dust, debris and cover charges are replaced with bodies jolting to the sweet-as-space-rock tunes Luke Brown, Sweat Middler and Pritty Musick (L.A) transmit to the floor of dancing. Humans invited to celebrate this new space electro night, Jonah’s birthday and Zeshan’s leaving due to stupid visa rules.
Event: DJs
Stimulus: E
Stranger of the Month
What:
Stranger of the Month
Where:
Nest Architects, Studio 10, Lvl 3, The Nicholas Building, 37 Swanston St, Melbourne
When:
One day only! Sat May 24, doors 12noon-8pm
How much:
Free
Description:
If you've ever dreamed of mailing unsuspecting strangers ambiguous notes without fear of recrimination, then Stranger of the Month could be for you. For the first time, the contemporary artists behind this publishing oddity open the doors to their mailroom, giving you the chance to write your own instructions to be forwarded on to some unwitting person's mailbox. Demand they dance, buy snickers for another stranger, light a candle or not hang up. So long as the instructions don't lead to tears, you can instruct anything you like. Never again will the opportunity arise to reach out into the unknown quantities of the White Pages without the threat of stalking charges. - SG
Event: Exhibition
Stimulus: C
Keywords: Next Wave Festival
Jimmy Tait's Tote Residency
What:
Jimmy Tait's Tote Residency
Where:
The Tote, 71 Johnston St, Collingwood
When:
Sat May 31, 4.30-9.30pm
How much:
Free
Description:
With a girl's name like Jimmy Tait, you can pretty much do anything and you will garner fans. The thing about Jimmy is, though, she's actually fricken awesome. It is the blues meets Collingwood with ample harmonica. "For fans of Cat Power, Hank Williams and Iggy Pop." This week's guest is Monty Sparrow (members of Black Pony Express, Andrew McCubbin & The Hope Addicts), "Ill conceived, ill advised, unrehearsed and brilliant."
Event: Bands
Stimulus: W
Keywords: The Tote
Favela Rock
What:
Favela Rock
Where:
Miss Libertine, 34 Franklin St, Melbourne
When:
Sat May 24, doors 9pm
How much:
$10 on the door, $7 guestlist if you email them, cheap goon etc before 11pm
Description:
Favela Rock has, indeed, been ‘spilling your drinks since 2005'.
So, hang your waterproof hoodie on the heater, because you'll be needing it again this Saturday. It will be Mafia, Ooh Ee, Jesse I, Young Steezy, Edo and TPC playing crunk, dancehall, b'more, electro and something known, perhaps disturbingly, as ‘reggaeton'. They're starting a new night next week, so purists will want to consolidate by being spilled on at Favela first.
Event: Party
Stimulus: E
Keywords: Opulent, Miss Libertine
The Samsung MX 10 camcorder is a fine, fine piece of equipment. We know this because it is sitting in our office right now, emitting a slowly pulsing magnificence - the very gleam, perhaps, of the future. It is capable of fast, light, free-style shooting, quick-start capture, 34X optical zoom. All of this and more (including but not limited to: impressing your try-hard-DIY-with-a-Super-8 buddies and signing the papers related to your divorce from the university equipment hire department.)
We at The Thousands have one to give away. However, for once there are TWO chances to win.
The first is by answering our question below, which requires (let's face it), a depressing paucity of brain activity. The second - via Samsung's sparkling new site, Samsung People - promises to elevate you from the clambering masses by asking for a creative response. Specifically, the answer to the question ‘where is your mind?' If it is in the gutter, feel free to tell them we guess. If you have lost it, simply admit that. Our theory is this: the Samsung winners will be those who can evidently use the powers of MX 10 for awesomeness, not inanity. Enter their comp here. Then, if you like, answer the following question...
This week's question:
The powers of the MX 10 include,
a) emitting the very gleam of the future
b) 34X optical zoom
c) having a fold-out part
d) the strength of 20 atom bombs
To be in the running for the ThreeThousand comp, send your answer AND postal address to win@threethousand.com.au. Winners will be notified by email.
ThreeThousand is a weekly snapshot of Melbourne's subculture, fired by email into the loving arms of people who realise that the best things in life are often hard to find. It is compiled by an amorphous gaggle of writers, stylists, designers and photographers who all like huddling under that big umbrella we like to call creativity. Without editorial independence ThreeThousand has nothing. All editorial you read is featured because it's worth it - not because it's paid for.
Advertising Partnerships:
ThreeThousand is a trusted and proven medium for advertisers to engage with Melbourne's most elusive individuals - our subscribers. Each issue offers one advertiser the opportunity to have sole presence in the e-newsletter. A variety of placements (three, to be exact) are also available on threethousand.com.au. For more information on advertising with ThreeThousand contact Francesco at frunch@rightanglepublishing.com and Robbie at robert@rightanglepublishing.com.
Feedback:
Have something to say? Then say it by emailing talk@threethousand.com.au
Disclaimer:
The information in ThreeThousand is subject to change. Although we attempt to ensure that the content at the time of publication is correct, we do not guarantee its accuracy or currency. Right Angle Publishing accepts no responsibility to you or anyone else arising from any use or reliance on the information contained in ThreeThousand or any inaccuracy in the information. The views and opinions expressed on material included in ThreeThousand may not reflect those of Right Angle Publishing.
Contact:
Right Angle Publishing
Level 6, Curtin House
252 Swanston Street
Melbourne, 3000
+ 61 3 9662 1657
ThreeThousand's MySpace:
myspace.com/threethousand
Group Publisher:
Barrie Barton
barrie@rightanglepublishing.com
Editor:
Penny Modra
penny@threethousand.com.au
Associate Editor:
Isabel Dunstan
isabel@threethousand.com.au
Editorial Assistant
Sophie Gaston
sophie@threethousand.com.au
Film Editor:
Martyn Pedler
martyn@threethousand.com.au
Music Editor:
Mark Gomes
mark@threethousand.com.au
READ Editor:
Kirsten Law
kirsten@rightanglepublishing.com
Design Monkeys:
tin&ed
Image and Web Monkeys:
Taran Hubbert
Xavier Connelly
STREET Pics Monkeys:
Mia Mala McDonald
Jamima Wu
Contributing Monkeys:
Nadia Saccardo
Max Olijnyk
Dylan Rainforth
Alexandra Heller-Nicholas
Mel Campbell
Check out our 'Meet Me for a Drink' column in The Age EG liftout every Friday...
Meet Me For a Drink Monkeys:
Kirsten Law
Penny Modra
Simon Godfrey
Mark Gomes
Matt Hurst
Josh Gardiner
Isabel Dunstan
Ronan Macewan
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