According to Urban Dictionary, a champagne jam is a party where you drink shitloads. Here's how to make a party in your mouth - and trust me, you'll eat shitloads. Homemade jam is the biz. Forgot your ma's birthday for the second time? Homemade jam! Accidentally broke your neighbour's foot with your skateboard? Homemade jam, hello! It's a party that everyone's invited to, after a few simple steps ...
1. Sterilise some jars by popping them in the microwave for ages, ¾ full of water. This means they won't grow the food version of toe fungus.
2. Place 1.5kg of roughly chopped strawberries into a pan with the juice of one lemon and 50ml of your best bubbly. By best we mean, the cheapest in the bottleo.
3. Add sugar, bring to boil. Eventually it should become kind of gelatinous. Think, food court Chinesey.
4. Slop into jars, prepared earlier.
5. A few hours later, slop onto toast or Aunty Flo's scones.
Jammin'.
Product: Food
Theft: Theft is a risk
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