Dinner - Melbourne Restaurants and Bars - Eat Drink
From morning to midnight and back again, EAT/DRINK is ThreeThousand's guide to cafes, bars and restaurants in Melbourne. We know the best coffee because we drink 20 a day (each), we know the good restaurants because we can't cook, and we'll tell you where to find hidden bars and other places that still let you smoke so that we can ask you for a cigarette when you get there. EAT/DRINK is as voracious as our appetites and a much better filter than our livers, which stopped working a long time ago. Email your EAT/DRINK suggestions to: talk@threethousand.com.au
An Evening of Offal
Offal, as far as culinary tastes are concerned, is deeply divisive. Melbourne, by a combination of empirical reality and a smug sense of multiculturalism, prides itself on the diversity and quality of its food. But there are so many people who, despite otherwise adventurous eating habits, recoil in terror at the idea of a "variety meat".
Fish 'n' chips out the kitchen window
Aged 15, I once came home from my night shift at McDonald's to my dad moaning. He said he was having a heart attack. Minutes later, my grandmother arrived to take him to the hospital. A doctor, probably tired (it wasn't yet 7am) asked routine questions. Where does it hurt? Chest. What kind of pain? Painful pain.
Quince this, Quail that
Quince: get it right and it's lovely; get it wrong and - as with Tiger Blowfish, skydiving or auto-erotic asphyxiation - you could be in for a nasty surprise. Quail, on the other hand, pose far less of a threat to your wellbeing, unless of course, you're an insect.
Dispelling any such worries, the folks at Provenance are using the two Qs to offer up an alliterative feast this Saturday featuring delights such as seared quail breasts with roast beetroot, confit celeriac and quince microherb salad - and a ‘very special' cocktail.
Rice Queen
Rice Queen is the new Asian kid on the block, in Smith Street below Panama Dining Room. Previously a Latin American dance studio, it is the progeny of restaurateur James Langley (of aforementioned Panama Dining Room and also St. Judes).
Like Panama, the room is light and airy, with cheap and cheerful Asian restaurant touches: cane furniture, vinyl chairs and Formica tables, in fact if they threw in some wall-mounted TVs and a gold cat waving its paw at the till you could be mistaken for thinking you were in the exotic east or at the very least Victoria Street.
Trunk
Sure, the suits love this place. Trunk makes them feel groovy, yet they can still drop flashy cash on fruity cocktails for the ladies and they stand every chance of running into the movers and shakers of the AFL community. However, according to our investigations, this should not prevent you from dropping by.
St Jude's Cellars
Previous occupant The Hideout was a funky, over-priced café that went out of fashion years ago, like nachos, wedges and the word funky. This gave way to Bungalow 8, a café you've never heard of because no one ever went there. Once, when nature called at an inconvenient moment, I went into the empty establishment, asked to use their facilities and was told it was for customers only.
Roo and Brew at The Sporting Club Hotel
The Sporting Club Hotel is at once unspectacular and a secret cavern of wonders, depending on how you see things. Yes, it’s true that you probably wouldn’t frequent it under normal circumstances – there isn’t exactly any music, per se, on the premises – but come Monday nights, the Sporting Club has possibly the best square meal on offer outside of your parents’ kitchen (and within a reasonable travelling distance from the city).
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