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Melbourne Restaurants and Bars - Eat Drink

From morning to midnight and back again, EAT/DRINK is ThreeThousand's guide to cafes, bars and restaurants in Melbourne. We know the best coffee because we drink 20 a day (each), we know the good restaurants because we can't cook, and we'll tell you where to find hidden bars and other places that still let you smoke so that we can ask you for a cigarette when you get there. EAT/DRINK is as voracious as our appetites and a much better filter than our livers, which stopped working a long time ago. Email your EAT/DRINK suggestions to: talk@threethousand.com.au

Huxtable Restaurant

Huxtable Restaurant

When asked by the editor to write up Smith Street's newest establishment, Huxtable, I promised myself I wouldn't reference The Cosby Show. But a brief chat with the bartender reveals that it is indeed named after ‘80s television's most popular family, giving me carte blanche to share this link.

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The Little Mule Cycle Co. & Cafe

The Little Mule Cycle Co. & Cafe

The life of a cafe scoop hunter is fraught and frenetic. Always looking over your shoulder, wondering what other fruitloop with a laptop and internet access is two steps behind you, ready to report the earth shattering news that another guy is attempting to sell coffee to Melbourne's twitching populace.

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Naked For Satan

Naked For Satan

Pintxo bars work like this: The chef lays out bite-sized food (not tapas) on sliced baguettes with toothpicks. They're left on the counter for customers to get themselves. You walk up, half drunk, and collect what you want, paying at the end, the price dictated by how many used toothpicks you have left on your plate.

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Sassy's Jamaican Kitchen

Sassy's Jamaican Kitchen

Have you noticed how Melbourne hasn't been feeling very Caribbean lately? If so, you've obviously been chillin in the wrong place. Sassy is conjuring up sunshine in his North Fitzroy kitchen despite the ice on the streets. Growing up on the virginal island of San Antonio, Jamaica, Sassy's mum insisted he learn to cook while all the other kids were out flying kites.

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New Day Rising

New Day Rising

Thankfully the people behind Brunswick's newest cafe are bigger fans of punk band Hüsker Dü than they are of punk car crash GG Allin. Not only is the Hüsker's seminal 1985 album 'New Day Rising' a great name for a joint serving coffee to commuters stumbling to the 96 tram ... well GG's 'Bleedin' Stinkin' & Drinkin' is a really shitty name for a cafe.

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Orchestra Bar

Orchestra Bar

There is a lot of talk about so-called 'speakeasy' bars nowadays. I got news for you, bub, being small and up or down a flight of stairs qualifies a bar to be called a speakeasy the same way having oversized primary (or secondary, I can't forget about the ladies) genitals qualifies someone to be called a pornstar.

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I Know a Place

I Know a Place

Riding home the other day, I saw a couple of tables set up on the footpath behind the chemist at the intersection of Alexandra Parade and Brunswick Street. The lights changed and I rode on, curious yet too cold to care. Yesterday, I checked again and sure enough, there they were, along with a ghetto fabulous sign fashioned from what looked like a pizza box.

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